Annual review 2023

Twenty-Twenty three had like the preceeding years its challenges of which one dominated the year although the background went back to the last month of the previous year when Mum and I became very ill with covid and while I recovered of sorts, she didn't, and that lead to complications with her pre-existing conditions such as COPD which after one return from hospital within the space of a few weeks was to lead to a return and sadly death.

The formalities took time, that didn't aid the grieving process with home being the control centre for making most of arrangements so it was difficult to mentally escape and it times it seemed to crush everything.

At an Easter littles event which I did make a point of getting away to attend for instance, I was very withdrawn and in a daze although by the Summer I did feel better, focusing on other things.

Into that like last year considerable industrial action by a variety people was to cause issues such as delayed playthings, anxiety inducing logistical nightmares as train services were curtailed even if planned, difficulty in weekend travel as no train drivers were rostered so servces were cancelled at short notice and so on.

Like a number of people I had Covid on a few occassions but being helped by being high risk medically and run down  although I did take up the autumn offer of a booster vaccination being out on the day in question in temperatures of around 1.5 degrees c in short trousers which proved a conversation point to various folk I encountered.

On the otherhand I did have a great time with friends at a halloween party, making things, running around in competitions hunting for things and a great fireworks party which is really part of the stuff I loved as a boy.

Despite the odds and a bit of internal politics I did get away in the Summer for a few days in the Lake District where I was able to shake off the sadness of the previous months and enjoy making things and outdoor games in the summer.

I did get out about here enjoying the fresh air and countryside dressed in short short trousers with temperatures down to two degrees in my dufflecoat and bobble hat which was very much how school winters always felt to me.

I wore my blue corduroy short trousers comissioned around October last year but delayed until early this year that I had hoped to wear with Mom as the battle of the Longs did feature that material and seeing me in the sort of shorts I'd sooner of had in the late 70's when I had to fight to wear any might of shown really my idea was one we could both agree on.

Smart hard wearing shorts.

Our forum not only stayed busy but had fresh people arriving and conversations aound all sorts of boyhood related topics and interests which was why it was set up - to be free by one basic rule - to discuss the whole including things as boys that  can't happen on more "adult" orientated sites.

We even talked and explored A.I. as it applied to recreating past scenes as images.

I was very moved by the remarks left in the Christmas Greetings thread this year that expressed just what members got from it and how much it is valued.

Monday wasn't easy for Dad and I, nor in their own ways my brothers and Mom's surviving sisters as Christmas Day always had rituals that she was front and centre of which we had to fill and others that of neccessity had to go but we had a christmas with neighbours visiting.

My neighbours see me openly dressed little all the time, something that especially took hold during lockdown where we were forced to spend time in the immediate area with most working from home seeing each other in the street and those barriers just fell in.

Openess like that to our families and the wider community is something we all can struggle with, for some having to agree to some restrictions but for just being the boy you are it's so worth it.

Pausing from Crimbo

Christmas comes around again and with that comes the rituals we were brought up with such as visits by people such as Aunt's often just dropping in with Christmas cards and presents ahead of the day and last minute dashing to the post box to send cards to people you'd forgotten.

Then there's things like seeing Father Christmas about all over the place and indeed here on his sleigh, the carol concerts that local schools put on that you loved being involved in yourself and that point you feel you really ought to be there.

Above all Christmas is a time for Boys to enjoy that time, look forward to new things andf feel the love and care of the the grown ups around them and for those of us who remain so to enjoy being the eternal boys we are.

*****HAPPY CHRISTMAS FROM BOYS TALK*****

Christmas thoughts of sorts

 We are going full steam ahead into the Christmas period in the week that traditionally schools would begin to close down having had the Christmas parties and dinner which at least at my school was the highlight of the school dinner year when things moved from okay to actually pretty yummy all round.

We'd of also of had our school plays which got more involved as we move up the year groups probably thinking we could do more and wasn't there a budding actor in the cast to whom this might be the spur to get more involved in drama?

Probably, but when we all said Jeremy whose papa was a big wig in the Steel Industry was such a drama queen it wasn't that which was in our minds!

That's the thing about Christmas really, all those memories from the past that spring back to life and yet you're making new ones as with a few spare moments I spoke with Maurice, a family member on Monday a bit about cos obviously this year's going to be a bit different and his late wife which I briefly worked with in 1984 went just before Christmas.

He did tell me about how that Christmas was for him as a father of two children just a few years younger than myself as he made christmas for them as hard going emotionally as it was which helped with thinking around this whole thing.

Conversations recalled

Between times when I'm a bit down after the events of earlier this year thoughts turn to conversations from the past that took one of two forms, the more formal "I'd like to talk to you about..." or the unscripted once that just break out in the moment often doing something everyday.

Sometimes they might of been when we'd of gone to the shops on our own as Dad was otherwise engaged as it were and to be quite truthful we liked those moments away from for the freedom to just do what we felt like often in the main town of the Northern Suburbs here in deepest Stoke on Trent where his mother lived and a good number of Aunts, Uncles and Cousins did having caught the bus.

On other occasions it would be when trying clothes on as in our family it was more normal for you to have your clothes picked for you so they'd be sessions when tape measure would come out, you might try on something from another to check measurements, or nan would knit me a jumper which often was in same colours as my female cousins as they tended to suit my skin tone better.

Among the memorable discussions were post Third Year options for GCE's and the battle over long trousers which just were never me which eventually I did win after a summer of sweltering in sweaty jeans.

In the end she came to realize I was this mixture of boy who could talk about grown up stuff while being at the same time the little boy she knew.

Weather and going back in time

 There is apparently due to be a distinct probablity of snow later on this week following weather systems coming from continental Europe and as it was across this weekend gone it was colder and Monday we had rainfall.

You might wonder just what that got to do with boyhood life but for me Winters left evocative memories of rain falling on your legs, having to dry yourself and being wrapped up in your gloves, hat and dufflecoat.

Time was back then it would be the same attire you faced the snow in, walking with your wellies on to the corner store on errands or at least getting your sweets and comics and then there was playing in the snow with sledged or snowballs.

Somehow you remain that boy with your more or less 70's length short trousers on prehardened still doing more or less the same today as I walked in the shop yesterday looking and feeling like a kid that came in from the rain, damp.

Taking stock

As I write this It had been a bit showery here so after carrying a few changes last week with my stereo which I'll probably write something not too highly technical on Friday about it but a part of that has been assessing the difference it has made.

Given how I am, any kind of taking apart, moving around and reassembling the system does take a lot out of me apart from the difficulties in disconnecting things because of the damage to my hands so it's not something I do a lot of.

Thus I've been playing a cross section of records and at the same time reviewing just where I want to see the collection into the new year and beyond -any I feel little need for and just how far I wish to go with collections of artists and composers - so it is a collection and not just a pile of records just stored for posterity.

For me it must be small enough that I enjoy playing them on a regular basis being actively cherished rather than one of a thousand or so dipped into once in a blue moon or held so you can say "I've got one of them"

That's the thing. 

Boyhood logic

After yesterday's storm comes this...

Some things make rather more sense to you as a boy than they would anyone with a more adult frame of mind really as much that it's the case the reverse can be true.

Just why wouldn't you believe you could have a pet tiger who truly loves you as their friend rather than seeing you as either an enemy to be seen of or a potential meal?

You probably feel that emotions are universal not just between people but also cross species, transmittable  and highly likely to be acted upon.

It isn't unknown for animals who have had a high degree of human contact to form close affectionate relationships with people, to sense you are its protector, caring for them and to recognize them after a long period of absence.

Many grown ups don't share the idea, the ideal even of people being able to living together in peace where differences are just resolved through discussion and give and take rather than war.

It may be true society has been battling with this for ages but is the problem down to the idea of revenge, calling for others to join in really down to what they've been taught at an early age by older generations even seeing it as a virtue?

Doesn't the continuation of war actually show its futility as of itself the means of resolving conflicts keeping the whole cyclical thing going on.

To me it's time to break out of these adult inspired habits.

Challenges move you on

After last weeks entry we pick up this week with some of the spirit that started it all off.

To me at least a part of the problem around accepting that boys are always looking for a challenge, keen on adventures really revolves around attitudes towards exploring things you've never done before and to risk.

Some people look at the world with all the things they're so unfamiliar with and see everything that could go wrong with a thousand item long "what if..." list that they become and feel intimidated to try.

Certainly I can recall the horror whenever I tried something no one expected me to be able to do and always fearing the worst seemed to be on a mission to wrap me up in cotton wool as a disabled child and yet I had the same urges as any other boy.

Moreover I felt more alive doing those things .

Others while taking some account of safety and looking at risk would regard managing and overcoming risks pushing yourself as a part your development,  learning self reliance and resilence in all manner of situations as not just something you naturally gravitate towards but desirable

That was more me with my folks always been told what I'd been up to and them saying "well I never thought he could do that".

Post 400

Well Chris's Boy Talk has made its 400th post this week so you might say "and how did it come about?"

Boy Talk was revived from pen notes and odd bits of text file when things at Tumblr started getting messy with perfectly legitimate posts and blogs going which often had commentary around topics either put in as they were mini blog type entries or added to reblogs.

The first and essential start part was the author - me - fundermentally remains a little boy at heart whatever the chronological age and this isn't just a matter of having a child like sense of wonder and innocence.

l don't see me except in the most narrowest of senses as an adult so much as a eternal child and this goes into things such as how I present being nearly always in short trousers and knee length socks and continuing in the same hobbies and interests as that boy.

Things are not collected in the adult way, preserved and with centred around maintaining value but used, played with for pleasure.

Losing that adult sense gained for me the peace of just being able to be myself on my own terms.

Thus I wrote and still write about those things that matter to this little boy including play, dress up and also getting by in world that presumes you become an fully formed adult when you haven't (and for me cannot).

It was always about those feelings that we'd talk about on the walk to school, cubs, during recess or when we stayed with each other rather than just a listing of things I'd had or bought

Halloween and Guy Fawkes Night for me have the fascination and excitement from the earliest of years making things, being with friends, having fun.

It's a kind of conversation as much as a record of what's go on across the week which makes it different than any of the other blogs

R.I.P Sir Bobby

 Things will be a bit quiet around the weekend online as I'll be away for Halloween and would would be Monday's blog may be late because of it but there's only one thing really on my mind today.

Football was the main thing for me and my pals in juniors and at high school, playing during breaks, following Saturday's matches (and it was nearly all played then or Sunday) and talking about results which we followed intently.

It didn't matter who you supported in this area it was Port Vale or Stoke City although families that had moved from elsewhere supported their teams like Sunderland and I now as then supported Wolves, we had the greatest of respects for one man (mon in my dialect).

Sir Bobby Charlton was a amazing player, playing for Manchester United before he got involved more in running the club and also was a member of that marvellous England Team of 1966 that won the World Cup at Wembley against the then West Germany.

He was a supremely decent, caring man who put a lot back into the game even though he was one of the lucky ones to survive the tragedy of the Munich Aircrash of 1958, which my late mother and ardent Man U fan remembered so well as the sad news went around the factory she worked at here in Staffordshire, dealing with the trauma of that but getting back into the game.

Aged some eighty-six year, he died on Saturday and believe me all of us footie fan's will miss him.

R.I.P. Sir Bobby.

Everything makes sense

Hello there!

In a week that included the sixty-fifth anniversary of Blue Peter, more of which can be found on Friday's blog things just seemed to be going more back in time.

I'd openly admit to feeling very much to feeling like playing with a teddy bear with imaginary adventures just flowing in real time as much as needing to hug him whenever anything left me scared or uncomfortable and things as mentioned last week do right now.

It's also been quite a bit cooler this last few days which means I've needed to put a jumper or sweatshirt on even in the house as cool air makes and appearence never mind when it comes to going out and the dufflecoat came of its spot on the coat rack.

Just imagine it, you are in your grey short trousers and knee socks with your dufflecoat on, gloves in pocket outside in temperatures of only three degrees playing.

You're still very much that little boy and that's so right for you.

Incidents, anxiety and grief

Today I've been feeling upset following the weekend's reports of how Hamas the terrorist group backed by Iran launched an attack on Israel, left over 250 people at a music festival dead, took women and children hostage and fired rockets into appartments.

Understandably such action brought swift retribution which itself resulted in over 550 deaths and inevitably hits civilians who only wish to go out to shop, school and work.

Forget the adult talk about motives and justifications although from my dorm chair I cannot  begin to imagine how you can justify killing so many people incuding children and of injuring others.

On top of high inflation, strikes and protests this take my mind back to 1973/4 and the Arab-Isreali War following the terror at the Munich Olympic Games the year before.

I remember only too well how my world fell in during the period shops, clubs and places of entertainment were targeted grim picture after grim picture of bombed out buildings, injured people and seeing bodies carried out.

I was ten at the time, loving to play out, play with my toys and read comics but then the big newspapers kept coming through the door with the latest bombing across its front pages, the hourly headlines on the radio and shocking footage on tv.

Its relentlessness didn't just make me nervous, I started to worry all the time my folks or my dad alone cos he travelled a lot in his work when I stay with with my grandma and grandpa worried sick if they were coming back when you heard something happened. My world no longer appeared safe.

Tonight I feel very numb about this incident, very shaken and concerned for those who today who are of a similar age to how I was and just how for some what was planned to be a weeking of partying and fun turned in a nightmare.

There is injustice and at times deep frustration at the speed of progress in resolving it but these kinds of action solve nothing and only serve to leave people in misery.

Pictures and reflections

As I type this I'm not feeling too great really best described as a gluey inflated head that feels that pressurized it's about to burst and "funny" tasting mouth.

I've a fair idea of what sort of thing this is so it's going to be topping up the anti oxidants, vitamins and isolate for a period until it's gone.

There are a number of things to talk about this week, one of which is really around photograph usage at our forum which sometimes brings issues either of someone being more into one detail in the picture - let's say school uniform - that they ignore context which might be corporal punishment which as many of our behinds know was very much alive and well in our day is something that not just being banned in schools today often is seen as child unfriendly by hosts (and potentially abuse).

The other is more the deligent sort of person who wishes to know "where the land lies", issues around copyright, control of images where schools and others may say "only for our site and nowhere else" and so on.

We've put up pinned thread to cover that which should help.

When it comes to my blogs generally I keep with respecting an organizations wishes and provided the content isn't  problematic then I use things that are public domain although that doesn't guarantee you may hear someone may say "but that's our picture, take it down" or mean an image may of been obtained through harrassment and for some things text may be included for context when it comes to looking at parts of past school life and an illustration may help.

That usually works here.

The other is as the days get shorter and you start to notice autumn is creeping in with its soft sunlight and colourful displays being about, your mind goes back to when you climbed trees and collected your Horse Chestnuts for soaking in vinagar for playing Conkers with your mates.

You look at that reflection, it may be a shadow on the grass or especially a reflection in window you are passing and you wonder "Who's that boy?" then you realize actually it is you.

In your shortened grey short trousers and given the rain the last few days your red waterproof coat the past is the present at least mentally even if it is 2023 rather than 1973 with mind and presentation as one.

To go from eleven inside legs that on me were just on the upper third of the knee standing tall to three, decent and an absolute deadringer for exposing as much as was back in the seventies has been a journey over the years.

We've found the right length of short trousers for this adult little boy.

Will the journey resume?

 All being well I should be out at the Barber's on Tuesday as my hair badly needs tidying up as I missed a normal slot with being unwell with Covid a while back.

Sometimes you see things that just put over thoughts with admirably simplicity and there's two that go together.

You can deny it until you're red in the face. you might due to works or other pressure have to be mindful about how much of it you let out but for so many of us this is true.

Sometimes having realized that boy within is there, the tension is such he needs his space but in order to create that you need to accept you are no longer willing to stay with the status quo and make a first step along the path to being the whole you.

I hit that point over a decade ago working though what the younger me really wanted to be doing, was he prepared understand and even look again at some of ways of modern boyhood given the restrictions and baises of the day, taking what was good for me from the present as much as I am the product of that past.

Would I be prepared to radically change how I presented to match more that person I felt tpo feel comfortable in my own skin?

Perhaps it's time you started your own journey?

The school radio years

One boyhood hobby was shortwave listening of both broadcast and ham radio transissions and this did go go to school with me in various of necessity portable forms

This was a very specialized piece of kit designed for us during WW2 for SOE Agents behind German lines that came in two bits, this, the reciever and a transmitter that operated of a large battery as it used miniaturized tubes (Brit Eng: Valves).

The Radio portion had a simple Tuned Radio Frequency (aka TRF) design rather then the better Superhet design for space reasons, a socket for the long wire antenna and earphones.

After all you didn't want "Jerry" hearing you!

Dad made a DC convertor that you clipped over the battery connectors so you could run it off the mains.

That hole on the upper right is the coil pack that sets the wavebands it recieves - you had two reversable pairs and because the tuning knob only had a one to a hundred scale you had a graph that converted that to actual frequencies on the inside of the battery unit

That long wire caused ahem "issues" with school grounds staff as it run from the dorm window to the nearest object to clip it on such as a pole or a tree as they seemed to think it was a saftey hazard even though I had a bright marker flag at the far end so it was visable.

One that sometimes came into school was the Soviet made Selena B 212 portable radio that did have extensive shortwave coverage but having its own telescopic antenna had less issues although you'd have the don't leave the pointy bit sticking out lecture.

That had a earphone socket and the ablity to connect to a tape recorder.

The home side of things could never of been in school although it make an appearence in May 1980 was the R 1155 radio reciever that also had a matching transmitter the T1154 and was fitted to the Lancaster aeroplanes and certain ships in a different version.

The wavebands are selected from a knob on the left but the selection depended on model you had - mine covered from 75 Khz to 18 mhz, shipping to shortwave via Medium wave broadcast band radio.

It was modified to run off the mains and have a loudspeaker output rather then the leather headset with earphones and microphone built in.

By modern standards the electrical connectors would be condemned ease of reversal and carrying high voltages but, hey, I'm still living!

cc

Special friends

Week has been more bearable for the showers that have helped cool things down from last weeks near thirty degrees outside and rather more indoors which to be honest really was way too much for me as much as windows were opened.

I did have strange email from D C Thompson suggesting my Commando magazine subscription had expired which was followed within a couple of days one saying it was all a mistake and please ignore it.

Don't ask how that came to be.

I also lost a bit of tooth on Saturday eating my butchers sourced Angus beef burger and chips!

Sometimes you might wonder if you do really get what I'm about.

I am a boy who cares about things that happen to others be they close friends or communities miles from here, feeling their sadness, anger and pain and truly doesn't want to cause that to happen although I am also sometimes I goof up.

I'd would do almost anything to help my friends if I could  deal with their emotions and needs being prepared to share whatever I have at the time.

Resumption and restoration

By now schools here *should* of resumed and thoughts around that apply in this life too also surface and those things we may of learned along this journey.

For many of us things resumed after finding or wearing out our last official uniform via the school uniform department with a quick furtive look and a dash to the tills with some story or other in the back of our minds should the sales person ask about them.

We'd hope there was enough stretch in the waist as waists tended to be smaller and it was rare for stores to stock proper school short trousers over 32" waist.

The modern world is a bit different big waist and fits are easier to find but often they are much longer than we had.

One pair of mine has started to show clear wear and the one thing along this trip we've learnt for me the length needs to be brief to have the transformative impact of taking out any adult sense pulling me well back into boyhood.

Thus I have a new pair ALTERED as the ad suggests as required for a adult boy put in three inch inside leg shorts of suitable brevity for regular schoolboy wear outside of those places that may need something a bit longer for acceptance such as church or family gatherings.

That state where with a bit of care I can be adult but child me free from pressures I can't be dealing with has been the gain I badly needed and for me radically taking them up to the length I had in juniors has helped so much.

Being responsible in a crisis

It has been a trying start to the week and I think it matters to me that I talk about this because there are some lessons in here and it helps with processing it.

It isn't always easy dealing with being ill and as I mentioned last week certainly this infection was a major cause for concern and it didn't show much if any sign of shifting around the weekend.

Then because Monday was a Bank Holiday, that meant Doctors and Transportation stopped until yesterday so I spoke with the doctors who felt we needed to change tack when it comes to dealing with it.

I am on anti-biotics to deal with the infection which don't taste good, and leave you feeling very "meh" overall as they get to work as I still deal with the intense coughing and difficulties in breathing.

I start to feel sad, crying hugging my teddy as it's one of the nasties things I have for a while.

Sometimes you need to act swiftly.

Enforced rest

 There is really not a lot I can say today because I am quite ill with symptoms not unlike the current varient of Covid which is purplexing for not being in enclosed public spaces for at least a week.

Thus here I am with a wheezing chest, cough, fever and moving aches and pains all over high on liquids, upping the anti oxidents and taking cough mixture while this thing works its way through and god willing, out.

I've got the window open a fair bit to help get some fresh air in to help with the breathing.

There were a few things I was intending to do later on this week but given just moving one leg about a half an hour ago was excruciating painful anything involving lifting, pushing objects and general mauling are best left until I'm better.

The issues that affected a number of people at the forum appear to have resolved themselves which given they affected replies, messaging and the like were a concern.

It's going to be hot drinks, comics and anything to keep my spirits up.

Wet day stuff

Between the rainshowers on Monday I was backing up some files, let's say a lot of files going back to the mid 2000's some captured from the earliest internet connected computer I had and some of pictures I'd taken either on fim and scanned or direct to digital.

Part of that was having one memory stick starting to have corruption issues not perhaps being helped by the top being loose  and the connector also being a loose fit and another being aware of how many years the stick was, the last thing you want is to lose your favourite pictures and memories just cos it wasn't so convienent at the time.

So I was transferring them a bunch at at time by hand checking the process was going well while there was a torrential downpour.

I read the weeks Beano and Pheonix comics and Match of the Day magazine that had arrived at the weekend and ended the day listening the the Proms concert on Radio Three until bedtime.

Lost treasure

It's been a strange week following my return late last Wednesday after being away and one thing relates to the ongoing exploration of what was Mum's bedroom where a number of things were found on Monday that had puzzled me over the years.

One was the finding of my last O level Geography school exercise book from February 27, 1981 that later got used as a notebook cum scrapbook of American charts with positions of songs I loved and artist details written with clippings from UK magazines such as New Musical Express and Sounds about them taped into it.

The other was of a good thirty or so records some classical I'd bought from 1978 onwards and a couple of handfuls of Duran Duran 12 Inch singles and foreign extended play singles that I suspect were moved when I had some roof problems that resulted in leaking near where they were stored.

That also included a Glam Rock compilation I'd suspected long lost which had onely been played about ten times since being bought in the late 1980's as I'd taped it and transferred that to two MiniDiscs in 1998.

I always played it from that whenever I needed to so that's practically in mint condition.

I've been cleaning and resleeving where possible a number of them simply because they were and remain things that tie to that era I grew up in.

I know where they were all those years ago but I can enjoy them all over again.

Taking a break

When you read this most likly I'll be on my way back home from a few days away in The Lakes, Westmoreland playing, enjoying the odd hike and visiting places not just because as a adult little boy they're such fun thing to be doing but also much of the adult world that winds me up can be pushed well into the background.

That's not been helped this year with events that have run on for months that makes moving on more problamatic with business to still attend to never mind the sorting of things gathered over decades as Dad tries to remake some spaces more as he'd have them and coming across more of them.

No, I need that time away from all of that, the fresh air and tranquility with people you can just talk and play with even if the odd element may not be my first choice.
 

Memory stick musings

I'm just getting on with writing up this blog over the weekend where I have been a bit low in spoons which happens at times with me and where I have things to prepare for on Tuesday for good measure.

Over the last week or so I've  been thinking a bit about the difference in where I am now and where I was at a good eight to ten years ago which may seem only like yesterday to me given how my brain is wired but actually is a significant amount of time.

This ignores the impact Covid had on me in 2020 and the long covide related conditions I am dealing with too.

For one thing, that was the post breakdown period with me where I hit the buffers trying to play a role I had been encouraged to by a lot of so-called disability experts who today I see as people who fundamentally were trying to deny the major part disabilities play in my life and to a large extent shape by denying the impact and in effect having me do slot into their idea of what a 'successful' disabled person was supposed to be - an achiever showing academic abilities despite disabilities rather than a person who is may well be capable but with significant functioning issues that require constant support.

The other stemming from the same place was they also denied how those limitations mean in terms of mental development, I was functioning several years younger having the overview, language and mindset of a more junior child at high school and several years further on at the same point but being expected to perform at an adult level.

This simply isn't and hasn't in a number of decade hasn't occurred because however good I may be at filling in some gaps, the larger ones remain and to an extent even the fact I do fill the minor gaps leaves me the more vulnerable because people focus on that 'achievement' rather than what I cannot cope with and why I struggle making my way through adult life and situations.

Another of the things around this period was discovering networks sometimes websites sometimes hubs and it was one these that caught my eye Monday when looking through a  memory stick with more of an eye to pictures of my old monitor and its screen saver, I spotted some screen prints done off it from a site I spent quite a bit time on.

Yahoo 360 for the youngsters, was a giant hub where lots of groups had spaces on, you could message and blog and your blogs were interactive, you had a update stream from what your friends were doing  and at the time I was looking around  littles and groups, talking with people, exploring that side of life which I enjoyed until it shut down around July 2009.

That lead to a blog being started *cough* to collate what old posts I originally had on Yahoo 360.
That was a part of my coping mechanism back then as I have been recently explaining a little to people about bringing life back into line with what actually works for me, what meets my actual needs not least the 'little' side of me cos not wishing to sound like a record it's not so much age play as being in an actual age regressed by anyone else's standards headspace without an off button.

One of the first more dedicated spaces I joined was a music related site having shadowed it for a couple of years around the time the Beatles Capitol Albums volume 2 box set came out in 2006 because of some issues that affected initial copies.

It looked at recordings from the "What's the best sounding edition of " and what do you listen with angle which suited me although some there would push you down lines that I didn't find so rewarding and with a times a blind pro older issue policy.

There was a subgroup of "Bones" that had more person rambling conversation on which after a incident got moved to a dedicated site and recently that's been pulled as many of the metaphorically speaking got into bed with Facebook which I never felt comfortable with not least for wanting to keep aspects of this side my life out of limelight of those who misunderstand it.

The other is I do feel more stronger in myself to pursue the life that makes more sense and especially to ensure I'm in those settings that respect my real needs  being prepared to engage with me on the level I'm at, helping me to do what I can for myself while while accepting my child-like vulnerabilities prepared to just step in as needed to deal with any situations I land in.

That's come about through the baby steps I took through that period exploring my needs and making appropriate connections to communities where I really belong.

For me then the 00's were where it all came together,

Rain and Forum rules

 

It may be summer according your calendar and mine but it certainly doesn't much feel like it does it?

That works its way into things like very limited opportunities to be outdoors playing with torrential rain and hailstones even to contend with rather than keeping hydriated and slapping on copious amounts of Factor 50.

Something that does tend to come up from time to time is the Forum rules around content especially as it applies to discussion around spanking.

The first thing to say is whatever you views are or any involvement with it yourself, no one is judged for any view or personal engagement with it by the moderation team or people on the site.

The second ought to go without saying which is we are talking only about legal adults and anything that may apply to parents, grand parents etc really belongs on parenting type sites as we've no business being involved in that debate.

We're a site of Adults who retain much of our boyhood essence and do talk about our pasts.

The main purpose of the restricted discussion can be put quite simply as our hosts have Terms of Service and they don't allow "adult content" nor anything that be seen as child abuse material.

Now while we can rightly say we're talking about our times and that in looking at this part of past childhoods it certainly wasn't sexual, because for some today in other kinks it very much is (and if that's their thing, fine) our hosts slot ANYTHING to do with it under that category.

Upon reporting we'd lose the site and I'd be banned from using them. Simples.

It doesn't prevent you from saying in an introduction that you were - who wasn't back then? - but we don't go into describing the rituals with great quantities of prose such as the colour of your underwear and just were exactly they were at the first stroke.

A second reason even if I were to, involving some expense (and as I understand it current posts couldn't be imported) into a independent self hosted site is that experience at other sites has shown where you do permit greater discussion with pictures for good measure, it some comes to dominate such sites and that impacts discussion of the bigger portion of this life.

It doesn't take long before you get people joining just for that kind of talk and in effect your site becomes mainly a spanking site albeit with a twist.

The years since our conception in mid 2018 has shown there is a very real need for a discussion based site around being an adult little boy that talks about everything else such as hobbies, activities, past real lives and attire.

Those discussions are helping people come to terms with being an adult little boy, getting some of that carefree fun back, make sense of past experiences, making new-old memories even.

Those things are of far greater value than the seventh hundred spanking post whatever that person got from the experience and that's why the rules are what they are.

Record stores of the day

One advantage we had being in a city region was the variety and number of shops we had and in particular of record shops which were always a haunt on Saturday's and hols which was only bettered if one caught the train to the Black Country or Manchester which had the national chains such as HMV although we gained one in 1992.

I remember going to it on the first day of opening inside the then titled Potteries Shopping Centre, the first massive mall we had in the city centre opened in late 1988.

The real strength of this area for shopping was the independents and that certainly came into it given our six district centres plus one layout rather than that of one centre and surburbs cos its's less of a city and more of conurbation.

Thus in each district you had their own "local" record stores which for me meant Replay Records on Tunstall high street which had a large selection 12 inch and seven inch singles apart from albums and discount bins for anything that had peaked.

It didn't do much with other media such as cassettes unlike some although it did sell blank tapes for taping your own which I did a lot of .

We also had our own Woolworths which had a fair sized music section and was the first place I bought a record from before Replay opened and they had a top 75 7 inch single wall, rotating racks of pre-recorded tapes and budget albums followed by main racks for chart and selected back catalogue.

Chrissy's Market Store on Saturday's was a gem for having used records, heavily discounted import albums and singles an example of which was the mere £1.49 I paid for the 1978 Paul Stanley solo album as a sealed cut out where I'd of paid normally around a fiver for as a new domestic copy.

From time to time I would go into the City Centre and for a period I worked in it so it was a lunch time, before the bus comes in destination which in the mid 80's had around five large stores each with their own specialities such as Japanese imports, ticket sales or extensive quality used sections.

For much of 80's and 90's, Mike Lloyd Music Mega Store was the place to be because it had the biggest selection of compact discs, very extensive vinyl back catalogue, trade ins and sold tickets to local venues such as the Victoria Hall plus Bingley Hall, Stafford.

Many was the day I'd be in surrounded by students holding our Bluetones albums on vinyl in line while the upstairs held publications, discounted and used vinyl.

It was the first place locally to stock blank and pre-recorded MiniDiscs and had its own version of the Sony Music Nice Price paper catalogue printed with new mid price re-releases

As the bags your purchases went in stated there were branches too in Queen Street Wolverhampton and Newcastle although the city centre branch was the main one.

 

As befitted an area with two universities despite being sandwiched between Manchester in the North and Big Bad Brum the area was largely self sufficient with its own network of shops rivalling larger population areas.

Enlightenment

Well I did get away this weekend but in a lot ways the bigger thing wasn't to be found in the ultimate destination but more what was learned along the way.

Travel, especially by train can be subject to change and that change might be really quite rapid.

With me I had arrived in very good time and checked the overhead screens for the latest travel information as it was becoming apparent an earlier Manchester train was running rather late  and so it was with just under two minutes before our train was due as that train arrived that message you dread came over the Tannoys.

"Will passenger on platform 6 for the London Northwestern Service to Birmingham New Street please standby for an announcement".

Sure enough we we told our train now was coming in on Platform 11 and in the process of moving at speed I almost fell over and fell my case at which point an Afro-Carribean woman comes along and picks it up and says she'll help me.

So we form a partnership getting to this platform - me feeling progressive more like the child in this relationship of sorts and one missed direction we do get about about and I thanked her most purfusly.

Getting off at the other end a bit shaken up still, a white guy with strong Black Country accent sees I'm a bit shaken and not only offers to take my case for me down the stairs but sees me into station concourse

We often read of the worst of people and it can be easy to buy into it but certainly I felt I had met some of the best examples of humanity you could for in the most ordinary of situations.

I love doodling

I've always loved doodling, in meetings frequently, all over my exercise books in school or when I'm with other ageplayers as it just destresses me in those sorts of situations totally.

It's also a reason why I tend to keep some colouring books with me from more generic age range ones to those with a single theme because a good half an hour or more working through that neatly helps a lot and indeed in a well planned littles event thing of this nature can be laid on as they can be completed whenever it suits unlike most other sorts of arts and crafts which need to have any mess and spilages contained and things like tables set up.

Consequencies

This kind of conversation at school lunch is so relatable you know.

One kid I hung out with, would hatch a master plan involving deception of Adult Authority figures in our lives such as Teachers or parents in really quite glowing terms about the ease it could be done we all should be in on it.

For our part our minds and our bottoms recalled the spankings we'd had for previous possibly lesser infractions in vivid technocolor so we'd look at each other and say 'meh', 'that can't really work out, John'

That was the beauty of a spanking: You recall the feeling so strongly you never want to go back so it deters you from inappropriate behaviour without getting into really lengthy explinations into why you shouldn't.

You feel the Zolt flash through and that's it.

Tv from the past - Robot Wars

It's been a warm and challenging week with the weather so I thought I'd talk about something else.

Some periods of time with me are in a bit of a fog other periods a lot more vivid but in the great going through of everything a few things came back and that is where we are this week.

Robot Wars was a series that run initially from 1998 to the 2000's starting on BBC Two that had a simple premise.

It was originally presented by Jeremy Clarkson but for series two onwards was Craig Charles.

Make a robot, form a team and compete in a do or die battle against other robots and teams on a stage circuit with a pit and other things to slow you down or for that matter bring you down.

Yes, there are flames to consume robots!

The robot featured is Stinger

The facts and figures Top Trumps style are shown here

Suprisingly hidden away was my Model of that Robot from the era that had escaped my recollection of life in the late 90's , a momento of the show I watched with Dad who loved it and oddly enough Mum.

Being alert

 

Rabbit jumped into a hollow and Pooh and Piglet jumped after him. They crouched in the bracken, listening. The Forest was very silent when you stopped and listened to it. They could see nothing and hear nothing.

“H’sh!” said Rabbit.

“I am,” said Pooh. 

A.A.Milne

Sometimes to descern something you need to switch off the background noise and focus more on what is left.

Summertime shorts blues

I was out On Monday when I recalled something that happened around nine years ago one morning on a day rather like today.

We have a relative large garden being on a corner plot so you have front, corner and rear which interestingly enough actually has a different post code than the reminder of the house as we bought that seperately and we have more mowed portions and other bits where various plants and flowers are planted.

Being near woodland we have a good number of birds about and birds do spread seeds about about and that has resulted on occasions in having things like wild poppies growing.

Well for a number of years we had a few growing near the front door, just a few inches from the door handle and lock on the right and towards where the door meets the brickwork on the left so while they were out you'd try to avoid catching them as these poppies were quite big with tissue paper consitency petals.

One day I was going out and I had a pair of olive five inch inside leg short trousers on I'd bought probably from British Home Stores as they did have more old school hiking shorts in and I noticed the poppy was sticking out a fair bit so I went to turn sharp right to avoid it as I appeared stuck to something.

It transpired I'd missed aim and got the back of my shorts caught on the brickwork which had torn the back in a way that even if you did sow them up, it would show as part of material was missing.

"Damn" thought I as I had to go back into the house to change to something more ahem decent.

"Why does trying to save the poppy cost me my shorts" ?

Ever since then I have been very careful at this time of year not to risk damaging my short trousers while getting out via the front door.

Why is topping up a phone a pain?

Modern life, who'd have it?

That was very much my thoughts on Monday when I did the monthly still activated check which basically involves ringing the home landline number using my mobile phones to ensure that at least one call was made from it every month and phoning Vodaphone's balence line to check on the account credit as with some changes from last year I have been out a bit less for several days at a stretch than in the past so tend to keep the credit to around £20-25 per month than let it build up to about £60.

Having checked that and when the next £10 bundle is due I went to top it up.

In the past it was simple enough, you took a card "married" to your phone account and paid for it at a PayPoint such as your Post Office or corner store but that has been discontinued so you either do it via an App which won't work as unlike me my phone isn't Smart or online.

I go and log into Vodaphone's top up page and select Paypal.

You've probably got one of them and a Google account too.

You enter you phone number, the one your phones account is linked to and go to use the pull down menu for the amount  and select AND nothing happens.

No you are being taken to PayPal message.

Tried it several times, same result.

I ended up using my Credit Card and that DID work.

What a faff to just add some money to your phones account!