What I learned over the years

To be honest I've been still mulling over really  the emotional impact of being among people I knew specifically those I knew as either children or adults at school at Mr Cowe's funeral last Tuesday and really what I've learned over all those years.

There are some reflections I do feel the need to talk about about on here one is learning to be grateful for what people freely do for you such as the time seeing I was struggling at one railway station, a couple kindly offered to help carry my luggage and even checked when I got to the end of the stairwell I was all right who I no idea of. I thanked them profusely for caring so much and acting on it.

Then's there is the ability, however difficult I find it with being autistic to go to people I don't know, ask  if I may sit next to them and strike up a conversation about a common person in our lives, which I have got better at.

There's the people who kept an eye on me as I was feeling a little homesick where I stayed away several times, spending time with and the friend who knowing the sort of fiction I like, gave me a cherished book from their collection which they sure didn't have to and to which I didn't expect at all after giving them a action figure I thought they'd love.

You also recall how it was your friends dreamed of being things like racing drivers, football players and train drivers but settled later in life for something more mundane but worthwhile while, you just wanting to be around doing a "Good turn" got the role to do just that, caring for your community.

Then there is a friend of mine who kindly put me up, offering a cooked meal and a lift to the train coming back completely out of the blue, seeing I was on the right platform for my train to come in. Even when I found I simply could not eat the whole of their home made and cooked meal rather than just saying it was very nice-and it was was absolutely lovely- from nowhere I found myself apologizing to them for not finishing my meal clearly feeling contrite.

These acts of kindness really moved me but whereas in the past I'd of blocked out my emotions I thanked them properly for all those things they did not have to do,that I have no right to expect nor demand expressing my gratitude, revealing my sense of being humbled openly.

It also reminded me of the distance I had travelled from that young boy in reception class being cared for both in class and with being played with by older children at breaktimes, trying to make sense of it all to being able to play a big part in the wider community because they cared to help you that over time understand more of what and how this community thing worked and what caring really means.

There was time several years back when I was away with friends that while a few people needed a reminder to tidy up and put their plates in the dishwasher, I did not and indeed that I had was held up as an example for others to follow.

I think the one thing I can take away from this period is while I may still have some distance to go and the potential to relapse, the event did show I had moved on over the years, being responsible and how I'm being helped to change is really helping me.  

Consequencies

This kind of conversation at school lunch is so relatable you know.

One kid I hung out with, would hatch a master plan involving deception of Adult Authority figures in our lives such as Teachers or parents in really quite glowing terms about the ease it could be done we all should be in on it.

For our part our minds and our bottoms recalled the spankings we'd had for previous possibly lesser infractions in vivid technocolor so we'd look at each other and say 'meh', 'that can't really work out, John'

That was the beauty of a spanking: You recall the feeling so strongly you never want to go back so it deters you from inappropriate behaviour without getting into really lengthy explinations into why you shouldn't.

You feel the Zolt flash through and that's it.

New Year reaffirmation

Seeing this is the start of New Year one might begin the second post of the New Year looking at resolutions which we have talked about at various sites, not just the more usual things around positions, material things and pay for those that are employed but more around the things we find difficulty with and in a less overtly religious way, our moral and behavioural traits not just in how they leave us but especially the impact on others of when get it wrong.

The following is the emotional age appropriate standard for me as a child/adult hybrid expressed in a way I can understand easier

Now that isn't too tall an order for us get to grips with so keeping to it is I feel one of the most important things this year for me to do.

There are lots of stresses and strains so perhaps you might too?

The Traditional Schoolboy Blog End of year review

In the brief history of the The Traditional Schoolboy Blog,  it's the usual thing to reflect a little on the year which externally has been eventful as I emerged after a whole year online with being on Tumblr or more accurately on two Tumblrs as In October I took over one belonging to another user and made it my own.

Part of that my Tumblr was  Group one allowing selected guests to contribute a post and look after it for me while I'm away as I do from time to time and unfortunately Tumblr when you do that tosses away much needed communication tools like asks and messages.

This other blog isn't  just to enable me to interact more with people on Tumblr but it allows me to post some less obvious material than just things connected with school days and scouting.

Blogging had began in 2005 at Friends Reunited but then stopped as that site lost its way and this blog and it's parent The Uniformed Schoolboy last year became it's replacements, picking up from where we'd left off.
The big thing this year was Tumblr, the micro blogging come social media site where bashing the keyboard way here I got established  in April broadcasting to adult little boys and schoolboys quite openly as that boy little, lead to a greater exploration of what I learned was Being a Little and "Age Regression" had come full circle.

It was also a year where increasingly I came out about what is "wrong" with me, why that is and how that plays a very important part in what being me means in everyday life rather than glossing over it or trying to say it doesn't define me where what I actual meant was I shouldn't be  treated less favourably for why I'm me  but  the big elephant in the room no one in authority want to own up to is I can only be me with the needs and issues I have not least being an adult child to whom adult expectations simply cannot be met by passing an equalizing Act here and aspiring to something you can never be there.

The simply and painful truth of the matter is my regression such as it is is the expression of being allowed to function on the basis and understanding of the learning disabled with brain damage child that is living in a body whose chronological age and expectations on the part of the mainstream society is adult instead of very much a child's and are better served by being treated as through I am that child.

Chunks of this are slowly being work through in my relationships with people such as my folks who after trying the equalizing trip beloved of the learned ones who know of things but not had the life, are dealing with me as that learning disabled child, allowing me a choice without confusing me silly with a myriad of options, learning to set the personal limits to that of my actual developmental age where we accept an adult override for me in certain situations so I have a sense of freedom I can use and enjoy that doesn't stress me out nor put me in danger.

I have a caregiver in my life who helps to keep me grounded, helping me with structuring my day which I do struggle with who I can share my junior little life with as their boy loved for being child-like person I am, playing and doing my colouring as well as appropriate disciplining for me as with the learning disabilities, very poor short-term memory and auditory processing disorder, it's isn't that I just may not realize what's wrong with what I'm doing, relying on talking through and trying to reason fails as it gets badly jumbled up leaving me in a bad place mentally.

When I have been with friends too increasingly this year  this whole approach of changing the way and the limits to that more appropriate to that of a junior age child who is looked after by them but encourage to do what a child of that age would for himself and those who look after him as part of a "family" is applied.

Although this blog isn't mainly about it, part of what is my "Age Regression" does include more Junior  style spanking which was a part of how I was brought up as discipline rather than for any more 'adult' angle and 2018 saw more people being prepared to use that with me whenever I'd messed up.

With me this is always just in a regular domestic setting just as it was when I was officially young not taking place in adult clubs nor scened even, just administered in real time as the adults in charge feel I need it as sometimes I need a damn good whacking

A side benefit of this has been I've felt far more 'little'  not just at home but when I've been out with people just letting that side of me out, not feeling I had to pretend to be an adult nor be so stressed out about how I was behaving I was not able to play in a group for not knowing the social rules and being feeling clueless on putting anything right.

Looking forward into 2019, I can see more time spent as that just being me which is always fun to be able to just be regressed me  maybe with others playing providing the help needed in moving me on toward a level of maturity as a forever a child I can achieve.

Having spaces to talk openly without any shame about this aspect to my life is helping me in learning to like myself for the boy I am while helping also with showing my natural empathy with others.

Equally just accepting the one person who seemed to totally misread a situation and then blame me for it was just something they alone had to accept responsibility for on my own website is encouraging me to see other people are responsible for their own situations and that I shouldn't take on responsibilities that aren't truly mine through misplaced guilt. 

Thank you everyone for reading this.

Establishing a mature independent you...

I recently saw this which was originally published by the artist Kittycouch in April that I thought summarized so well what trying to be a mature independently minded person with your own boundaries but also respecting other peoples ideas is about.
I just thought in a week that saw some drama in one Age Regression community and also at the spanking needs site this is somethat's needed as everything within it applies and it is I aspire to in handling differences which everyday normal things between people.

Growing up Chris

One of the things I do struggle with is face to face interaction not least opening up a conversation with people cos I get so super nervous I just freeze over or not have the conversation I had intended in my head.
So it was actually pretty good I managed to start one with my second best friend this weekend talking to her about her life, her studying animation while listening and even making eye contact with is something I've had feedback on before now as I find that...so oppressive ordinarily.
Like I can recall this being brought up in a staff review looking at client interaction several years back in what was generally a excellent review as a potential barrier to communication.
I also found the work I have being doing over the last five weeks or so on putting together a PT routine for me paid of well but with unlike last time being able to get across the from the rail station to a bus interchange without getting out of breath propelling my wheeled suitcase and bags and also while i have difficulty with steps and uneven surfaces I was able to keep up with the group as we walked through woodland and canal tow paths for a good mile or so to where we were eating without breaking out into a deep sweat or struggling at the back.
That for me is really good going.
I also did co-operate fully, helping out with preparing the evening meal two other guests consumed on the Friday and baking the sponge cake for the Party without a murmur of discontent even when I had to make another sponge as one of my haves didn't quite take in the oven.
Changing my attitudes around looking after my needs and also contributing, being expected  help out has not been easy given my past but with a lot of encourage to help and the preparedness of people to strictly discipline me over it, I am starting to develop more of a sense of self discipline to help me be more mature in that way even with the oh so real limitations in other respects.
I did great this weekend.