School dress from past decades

Children's clothes especially school wear from the past have  always fascinated me.

This is very much 1971, familiar to anyone who read the school based stories popular from that era whose illustrations would be like this such as pre 1970's Enid Blyton. and around six terms after joining the Infants myself

The simplicity of it is what strikes me with a jumper or cardigan over a top with tie even if it might of been elasticated for us with short short trousers for us and either a grey skirt or pinafore dress for girls.

I find it interesting two are wearing red  rather than grey.

What I normally wear is very much the modern version and targeted more toward Infant and Juniors reflecting the changed attitude that saw as we entered the seventies high school boys going straight to long trousers which I did and still loath with a passion

Triggered and trying to pick up the pieces.

The week was due to end on something on high and anyone that read the post on Friday  on the other blog may well of been forgiven for thinking that  as I looked at how over the years I had actually developed and as a result of that the blog had reflected those changes in me.

Some of those things included people who were going to have a more parental input in my life to help me better manage it because I was struggling with it providing guidance.

 It's perfectly true to say emotionally and psychologically, many of us carry some baggage around with although for most it's something they have control over but for some of us it goes much deeper than that.

You might think you have it safely contained where it doesn't cause you any problems however this sort of traumatic events can jolt you back back very much in that moment reliving those raw terrifying emotions, freezing you, leaving you shaking badly.

For me personally I do go 'mute' in stressful situations, I stare out oblivious to what is going on around, I just shut down and curl up. It's a vulnerability I have to live with when I'm so overwhelmed I can't act to look after myself.

That's what makes a triggering episode like the one I had on Thursday really bad bring back painful memories of witnessing verbal abuse and physical violence at home and of inappropriate physical contact outside of it. It goes that much deeper than just something you'd rather never happened.

I supposed in a way it had to happen at a site very much for adults because with my mixture of learning/developmental disabilities I don't really slot into sites well because I do need generally a higher degree of moderation and 'hand holding' than most sites expressly for adults offer but either that sites that do are strictly under 18 or more general ones where some topics would (understandably)  be off limits.

What I need more - an more older kid style of site -  but for over 18's doesn't exist.

It just happened that in innocuously questioning a part of the main site entrance,  it opened up discussion things that directly triggered emotions from those experiences that left me shaking in my tummy  just even typing it.

I just feel at the moment typing this I need  to try to get this under some control and a part of that is to take a break from the site in question until I feel ready to log back in seeing posts without all these memories flooding back.

I think the whole topic that lead to this needs to resolved, "put to bed" so the thread and everything in it can just float away or be closed off.

For me at some point when I feeling better than I am presently, I would like to work toward some permanent closure  with the individuals concerned and  not just from a personal point of view  that's obviously a very important for me but also for them to try to work through their feelings on what happened and how it's left things.

To me it is that within my limitations, I do need when I'm better to resolve all of this in a mature way rather than just avoiding people who I did really like and mostly likely never saw where things would end up.

Something for the road

It is hard to believe we are in Spring not least with the recent very windy and cool temperatures most recently.

Getting out always was the thing when I was younger be that to the informal what today they'd call unstructured rustic play areas with grass and a few trees dotted about where in the absence of play equipment we created our "play" in our heads, running around, kicking a ball in the street or going to park which in those pre subsidence works tended to be muddy and sinking in the middle.

The other kind of out tended to involve short car journeys where we'd pull up play for a bit before having a packed lunch and a rest to let your dinner go down.

It wasn't uncommon for us to bring comics, magazines and books with us from the ever popular I Spy series to the "Observer book of..." series that you might read in the car but more often just resting by a tree on your picnic throw and whicker basket with the food and drink in feeling carefree.

That was how this thing was with us.

Looking after each other as Boys

 While the international picture is a matter of considerable concern my thoughts are more centred elsewhere.

It's not the most comfortable thing to say but as men and boys we struggle with emotions, some coming close to denying whole areas of them unless deemed to be "manly" they are experiencing, that are actually affecting how and why they are behaving at that moment.

We do experience trauma and loss that as much as we don't wish for any soppy stuff is affecting our actions and relationships.

We "shut down", we become unusually irritable, uncooperative or even angry because we are affected as much as we're trying to kid everybody we are not having not processed our feelings.

Yelling "Get Over It" really is nothing like the answer because we just haven't as anyone whose been through PTSD will tell you.

We need to learn to accept help and be the help for our mates who may be struggling with issues.