The weekend report

It's been an odd kind of a week with England's team in the Women's World Cup through to the quarter finals after yesterday's match with Cameroon which was more noted by that teams lack of discipline on the pitch than our teams focus and 3-0 win.

The women's game isn't my thing as with most things feminine it has nothing to offer me as I was always more interested in school footie and the men's game throughout my boyhood, watching MOTD, sunday afternoon matches with my Gran and rushing back from fairs in time for F.A. Cup Finals and the like but I wish them well.

The rebooted music forum account given the male oblique adult little boy referencing make over is working out well with an acceptance for my little side shown in the avatar and by having my gender openly affirmed and acknowledged apart from being spoken to as a male by all the men.

I also decided to reset a google account to give proper acknowledgement of my gender as that too had be neutered around the same time. 

I went out with Dad and Mum in my uniform so their I was with tie, grey shorts and long socks on celebrating his birthday as his boy, having a celebratory meal together in public totally accepted in this community as the adult little boy I am.

And as more will be mentioned on the other blog I'm getting my very own small computer which was designed very much for schoolboys and girls so it looks after itself with keys better aligned to help us type.

Masculine mental health

Because I and this blog is unshakably pro male supporting those things that we excel in doesn't mean to say everything in the world of boys is always right and critically because you are experiencing them does not make you any less a male for all that.

There are problems around body self image that effect some boys, worrying increasingly so that lead into issues around anorexia and self harming that may be connected to impossibly unrealistic images of men shown in advertising and 'gym club culture'.

We don't all get a 'perfect' six pack.

Something like one man in nine is abused in intimate relationships by women, many boys are intimidated and bullied by men who are trying to live their own lives through their sons  in sports, careers and religious observance and some women in positions of power routinely put down boys and men in front of their peers.

Abuse need not be physical, indeed abuse by girls and women on males can take the form of mental or psychological cruelty.

As boys and men we can be sexually abused by either men in homosexual relationships or by women and girls so a man or boy can and sadly is raped.

As men and boys we need to support each other dealing with these challenges, listen, reflect and advise where we can.

A boy or man who comes out to his mates about his challenges isn't soft or making a fuss about nothing, he is talking about the pain he feels.

A guy who has the Balls to come out with it has got more guts than any who just passes it off as if it never happened  and is very much a Real Man for it because by doing so he's enabling himself to receive the support he needs to work on how he's effected  and take control of its outcome.

He is a real man, a bloke and we will stand by him.

The GSS Revival

Ours was not that much of a gray world with gray shirts going upon going to high school for white ones but it was one where there was some reluctance around wearing the shorts as much as I did in Juniors just before and to which I had to be said I much preferred but here in 2019 this summer it's happening the Fifth aka Year Eleven are finishing their exams ready to leave school...in shorts!

That's a big reversal since the mid 70's when almost overnight seniors went all long all the time followed shortly by Junior four right down to two by the end of the decade in many state primaries.

Back then to be seen even in denim shorts was to attract negative attention from "Why are you in those shorts" to outright intimidation although whenever I could get away with wearing them such as school trips I always did refusing to give into any and all intimidation.

In so many ways I look more like a boy like him in mine than anything which in a week with plenty on my mind was at least a blessing.

One person on a music site asked about my schoolboy anime avatar puzzled why it is the only male one - cat girls and the likes are not unknown - so said in a need to know matter of fact way it was the representation of the younger in spirit me  who loves music especially music of the past.

One day they learn more of the ALB life but that's enough to be getting on with!

Can you live as ALB for real?

One thing that sometimes people ask about me is how do you just get on with things, isn't just a fantasy existence you play at behind the keyboard between four walls and maybe the odd person who just might be in on this anyway?
Well okay there are some people who clearly have issues with life being lived in a very much child-like way whatever angle you may personally come across it.
To me that's because they've invested so much in the whole putting away of anything from their childhoods to get the status the clearly enjoy at least on the surface that they don't wish to be confront by your ability not to.
It's a kind of jealousy that you're doing what they said to themselves no one can.

This said it is actually quite surprising the number of people who do just accept it especially if you do show some social awareness and tone things down just a fraction to take out any items that might invite curiosity such as school caps or ties. 
Recently I had to see a person who carries out assessments in connection with my benefits as a disabled person and I decided actually I would attend dressed more as I feel comfortable in grey sweater, grey school shorts and long socks with a white school shirt on because in part because I have developmental disabilities  I am in many ways that child even now.
They did not bat an eyelid nor ask any questions about why it was I was in school uniform minus tie and cap but instead were focused on my needs.
Clearly to them, being asb/alb so long as you used a bit of common sense was not an issue and on top of voting twice in full asb with tie on goes to show that you can actually live this life for real.

Being there

Sometimes you just might wonder why things happened the way they did, like why would it take exploring your past on a site by posting pictures of things from your childhood and writing about them should result in you having a clearer idea of who you are removing some of clutter others tried to drag into it.

Sometimes people  play all kind of silly identity politics games such as saying they don't feel the gender they were born with or even have an identity but most of time that's more they think because they may be slightly different than most of their real gender peers that makes them a whole 'nother gender.

There are times people try that on you but it became obvious that wasn't really me because I loved being that boy then and that really my issues really stemmed more from how my conditions and disabilities have left me still as that boy but with much of the world thinking you're a grown up and trying engage with you as one.

The thing I found on social media like Tumblr and on ASB was that there were people for different reasons saw themselves as Boys still who did play and have similar interests to that from their boyhood and that at ASB in particular they even dressed as schoolboys.

That kind of thing was where I was at around my mid teens really hating the few signs of puberty like hairs on arms I'd grown so in a way it was a dysphoria strictly speaking when I started to dress younger when I could.

Unlike some at ASB though I don't see being that boy in terms of wearing a uniform when it comes to presentation simply because we had play clothes for when we weren't at school so I do have more boys casual clothing for weekends playing locally mirroring that of todays boys of chronological age.

We had "best" for things like going to the theatre, church and big family occasions but otherwise at home I wore more casual shorts or sports shorts with t shirts and that's where it is in 2019 too.

I know my 'tribe' and I'm happy to be a boy cos boys are the best!

Social media week

This week I decided to talk a bit more interaction on sites and social media

This week has been a bit odd to say the least with the MLP Club blocking my 100% SFW Cglre age regression blog's account for no apparent reason other than reblogging an Agere Toy Sharing scheme's info which is odd as high proportion of people looking at pre year 2000 toys and pastimes will surely include people who do age regress which will include memories of such things.

In the real order of things well away from the make believe word of Tumblr the Music blog suitable regendered has turned 500 posts well officially at least as it had been going for a long time April 2006 and I'm sure I actually posted a good number more than that.
Unlike a character like Grant there, I don't live for post counts as I don't feel the need for adoration and the like although the recent software like many today does issue various trophies like that 500th post one.

I'm just relearning how to interact as male, picking topics outside the main music stuff to join in with like Model Railways and soccer as I work through the malaise and out as the boy and male I am, happy to be seen as such. 

Cutting loose

Sometimes this blog has entries that are more stream of whatever is on my mind and on other occasions it can be more of a planned piece based certain themes I'd done some research and carefully thought through.

This week I've been dealing with things from the past that required me to make some clear cut decisions over because the 'malaise' I had been suffering from for a number of years had left some unresolved issues.

One was I had at one point been pushed toward more feminine gender expression by people who believed some of my rootlessness was routed having some interests that were more common in females and encouraged me to be more feminine.

That had included having a notebook that went back several years where I was to document all of this but in the last two years I had began to realize this wasn't really helping because I never had a desire to be female being quite happy being a male and in doing so actually by taking me away from what I was more comfortable with, it was leaving me more in gender limbo. 

Far from being misassigned at birth to use the current trans phrase upon coming out of the womb I had been sexed correctly for the penis and testicles I entered the world with.

Whenever I was called a he, a him a boy, a male or man I was not being misgendered, I was being  sexed correctly by society because I wasn't born in the wrong body as some had tried to get me to accept but born already in my true body and they were affirming it.

Sometimes you may wonder if it's more like making a whole new persona to have a restart when you can only change the external appearance within limits and not really the biology or true sex.

The period I spent in specifically ASB/ASG regression back in a all male gender group had enabled me to strip back a lot of those false assumptions as I explored more of my past  and moreover had shown I was increasingly more confident just being a masculine boy even with the odd different interest accepting the rough and tumble world of masculine boys.

I had parked it for quite a period, not knowing really what to do with it but after several months where I'd only glimpsed at it once a month and after talking with Edward about how I had been feeling not least how I felt seeing such content, I decided to ditch it completely.

From around the same era  I had an account at a music forum which under the same influence had a more feminine feel to it either though technically it was gender neutral on that tick box that was troubling me to the point I was reluctant to post  often on it because I felt that person wasn't really me.

I decided to give it a male makeover starting by marking myself down as a male once and for all, changing the obviously girlie avatar for that of a boy, putting "Just A Boy" in the custom title box and re-writing the about bit to make an oblique reference to living in ALB/ASG life with a picture of boys playing with Meccano.

In the week that I have been wearing sports tops and shorts out looking every inch the boy I am and obviously male, I decided to honour my gender by ditching something it simply wasn't and openly acknowledging on one account what I am.

Regendering therapy for me is the best thing that has happened, reconnecting my feelings, emotions and sense of self to my innate masculinity that has room for my needs.

I am no longer prepared to deny, hide or draw a veil over my real gender  but will assert it from now on.