How not to respond to a post

 Well I was going to write something pretty different here but seeing a post on the site Fur Affinity by a person who was born according to their birth certificate as male but appeared to be questioning the idea of being different although they had the odd inclination to wear a skirt.

I was going to put a good half hour writing a reply as something else happened that was a person waded straight in with a "come on in, the waters fine" reply as a transsexual taking them right down that line despite clear doubts.

Well I'm going to say straight off that lead to this post which is around how I saw the original post and not as I believe it was misread by a trans activist.

The first thing can hurt but I'll say it anyway which is wearing a skirt or a dress doesn't make you a woman, many women whatever our own likes and dislikes might be about that do just wear jeans, trousers and shorts near enough 95% or more of the time.

The question if you were in any way transgender is more one of do you fit in better with with females because how you relate to yourself and other females that you would sooner be her because you feel you are all the time?

Do you feel a sense of disconnectedness when you see yourself in the mirror between your conception of you, even intense dislike, hate and that body image that you'd trade that for a women's with a lot of surgery to make look from the outside  as if you were born one?

This person said they had a curiosity about wearing a skirt or a dress but felt pretty neutral about their (recorded male) gender having no sense of being at odds with themselves.

Men and boys can and do wear kilts to which some men do prefer the feel and look of over any sort of trousers and so my suggestion might of been to had experimented with wearing a kilt and working on acceptance of what makes you the unique male you were born with first as they had no strong feelings.

There are a small number of men who do part time dressing as a woman for a whole host of reasons but they generally like to 'come back' to being a man and that's not shameful or wrong, just something that fulfils a need without doing something they know would never be them.

Instead they got treated to the "Tell your closet friends to refer to you as female with she/her pronouns, wear skirts and welcome aboard" which really wasn't the best advice at all.

That's the thing that annoys me so much about the activists. It's not defending their right to be themselves and of people who do find after careful consideration they do fit better in the female world, it's more the slightest indication of a variant and wanting to push you down a route that if you read properly what they said they were not looking for.

I may have the odd non stereotypical interest but that doesn't alter my real gender identity and sex. 

Be you, not a label

 

Recently I was reading a post by a person who was born as and had seen herself as a female but had started to think she wasn't really all that feminine and might be non-binary but then started to say they didn't identify with the they/them pronouns but felt she needed something to indicate difference.

The first thing is what she is talking about isn't actually sex and how that affects you biologically, she did say she had no issues with her body, but really more about gender the roles and the way people relate to you socially.

Gender as I understand it, is very much a social construct albeit one that is linked in to sex ultimately and how and what is seen as stereotypical and usually such accepted behaviours does vary over time.

You can have some traits that may be more associated with one sex without that meaning you identify as the other sex in which instance the thing you are looking at is more acceptance of difference so you have no real need to announce any change of gender or plan on changing the appearance of your body.

My own experiences lead me to feel we put too much emphasis on looking at defining to the nth degree gender traits to mark up the least differences from the normal forgetting within all of that exists personal variation.

Instead more time could be spent on celebrating what makes us ourselves within our sex and the variety within our gender such as it is.

Don't fear your shadow, be confident in it knowing you are being the male or female you are however you show that.

What is right about being a boy

The negativity around being a boy today is immense and even from so-called experts that you really have stop and think about what is actually so good about it.

We feel alive running and jumping around especially together.As well, it is contagious!

Skateboarding may not be for all - certainly I never had the co-ordination required to stay on - but many do showing their able to practise manoeuvres and a preparedness to put their backs into learning them apart from showing some guts. 

We do sports whatever our personal challenges and disabilities might be, finding strength and courage to continue. We're not weak.

We are social and love making things so the combination of the two is just fantastic so add a touch of competitiveness and we'll go with it. I loved making and flying model airplanes.

Being a boy is just great when we're respected for being that and you engage with our interests and abilities.

Second Tumblr anniversary post

Not so long now, April 12th to be exact marks the second anniversary of That Boarding Schoolboy, my first Tumblr which will be marked on their and commented up on an other blog.

That blog rather like here has seen grow and make some major changes in both how I see myself and how I live my life  from the implanted suggestions that I was at least a mixture of something else and a boy to one who is fully confident as just that, feeling no need to qualify because the last two years of living and exploration of the past has show just how normally boyish I am.

The one thing at the start of this, actually a couple month before was from the period of signing at to ASB feeling such an environment would be the one that would show what my colours truly were was learning anew the norms.

Like within a day while there was no set piece uniform there is a mode of dressing that I was expected based on gender and just gender conforming from the outset as if for all that attempted brainwashing I knew what was right.

Equally having spent so long in the company of the gender questioning and those who use gender neutral forms of expression, I was getting back used to being addressed expressly as a gender and talking to boys as a member that had shared the same interests and norms rather than tip toeing in the belief that gender norms were unreal and taught rather than just being innate with scope for personal differences.

It become obvious that from the inside out that was where I fitted and that really while we all have personal differences that doesn't alter you sex and being at the social level who you are.

None of this would of happened had I of not had the means of breaking away and exploring with others and in so many respects the importance of that tumblr isn't that I still have it for the many issues at that site but that two year period has seen me move into a understanding of myself and my position as a male that I am comfortable with
. 
Just a adult little boy happy being a boy, being spoken to very much as one by men who I look up to showing my respect doing as I am told even in in this emergency.

And that is a great thing.

Going forward from where we are

After a series of posts that strayed more around sexuality than I'd normally go for on this blog I'd sooner get back to the mainstay of why and what this blog is really about which is about boyhood and the sense of being masculine you have. 

This is the second year of The Boy after realizing how unhappy and unsatisfactory being pushed toward a conception of me that had no place for owning a specific gender identity by people who questioned the idea and tried to deny me from holding on to one.

This blog is in part therefore documents and in itself is a part of that program of gender and sex recovery I am working through by looking back at my past life around Childhood, identifying those markers that were a part of how I saw me and reapplying them with an understanding of what I learned about myself as a gender.

This program is a work in progress but one in which progress is being made both in terms of feeling comfortable again psychologically with being regarded as male and addressed as one together with feeling comfortable with my body, owning and liking it.

Seeing it is the New Year it is not just time to reaffirm the journey I am on but also set some aims for it.

 Always present in a way that makes it clear cut what my gender and sex is even if in the odd context I may need to wear longs. At all other times I will wear shorts to show I am a boy.

Never hold from saying I am a male where the information is needed or a formal requirement such as on forms.

Politely correct any attempt to de-gender me by not using the correct pronouns or using titles such as ____person rather than _____man. As a male I have the right to be addressed as one.

If anyone misgenders me I will correct them every time to ensure  am referred to correctly as I have the right to be called by my gender.

If I am in a group where for any purpose we split along gender lines I will politely decline any offers to be with females and automatically go with males because I am one.

Things will move on his year

Some personal reflections

Seeing it is coming up to Christmas I'd normally post a seasons greetings entry on the other blog but seeing this is a different blog proposition instead I talk about something different.

There are times when I do like to talk a bit about my past and where some of that confusion came from that was leaving me feeling pretty bad.

There was a group of adult littles I knew who were mainly or at the time saw themselves as transgendered where at the time there weren't many places for adult little boys that weren't in with sissification and a whole lot of stuff I didn't care for.

There was an individual let's call them 'K'  who was a mainstay of them who saw herself as male to female adult little girl who wrote fiction around that topic who had some serious issues in their professional life because of attitudes toward being that way when they presented as male for work.

To put things simply and in a fair minded way she didn't see herself having nor wanting an adult female side, being that adult little girl was just how the little side came out.

That group tended to push me toward their scene during that period but visiting some of their written work during the period I started to drift back toward adult little boys I noticed they had written a lengthy prose piece some of which is relevant to how and why I've moved so far away from that scene.

I think the first thing was she was very disenchanted with the Transgender movement because she felt pushing people especially children who still looked in the buff as one sex but claiming the other  in to things such as Scouting, School and Work based closets, changing rooms and dorms what were single SEX for a good reason just for ideological reasons (believing Sex and Gender are the same and feeling one Gender equals being that Sex) was not just bad tactics but actually very wrong flying in face of human nature.

Adolescent boys and girls are driven to explore sexuality and relationships, many of us can remember that and so placing people whose sexual attraction is toward the opposite sex even if that one member claims to be of a different gender doesn't prevent *anything* happening.

One of the points she made (and probably pissed a few people off by saying) is it's not just that gender and sex are not the same (gender is the social and culture form that aligns to  a persons sex) but also actually you cannot actually change your sex.
That figuratively was a kick in the balls given some of stuff I'd been told.

What she said was you could change the appearance of your body through surgery or purely cosmetically but it doesn't alter your internal sex one iota and that really was a fantasy. 

Few who do 'transition' resemble the born female cis models used in much of the transgender articles around that and memes posted on tumblr and the like finding they still don't feel comfortable with their bodies as adults.

One of things I felt bad about in that group was whenever they'd discuss things about gender actually I felt a strong connection to my sex - I didn't wish to have them removed - and I liked the connections it gave me.

She decided it appeared not to call herself Transgendered because she always felt that little girl and never a woman and didn't wish to associated with those peoples attitudes.

In the parallel universe, I'd formed the view I rather liked and would sooner spend my time with and in the adult little boy and schoolboy world because actually I liked my sex and I felt my sex and gender were aligned even if some of my interests may of been at the time gender untypical.

Thus in time I left that group realizing much of its focus was far removed  from me and by doing so I'd move on to the world I actually belong in, the world of adult little boys who love being themselves.

That has proven to be so much better for me I can't put it into words.

Getting it together

Being away got me thinking about something in very much clear cut ways and that's what I'm devoting column space to this week.

One thing that always pissed me off from boyhood was write large in the signage and that was there were three categories of children and even adults, boys, girls and 'disabled' OR later on mens, women's and 'disabled'.

To put it bluntly, the presumption seemed to be that the minute a person had a disability, you also lost your sense of gender identity too as if you acquired a second disability straightaway that while notionally gender neutral in reality was far more feminine like assuming your clothes fastened the same as girls did are your interests were.

You'd struggle to find a Man who'd handle you when it comes dressing, treating you as one of the boys and engaging in male talk with you.

Worst still, even your toilet needs were regarded as female so you never went to the same toilets as boys did, you were always dealt with by females, never men and you had to sit down to go.

I always wanted to piss with the other boys  even if it meant being parked up in the urinals pissing into a bottle, emptying at the urinal and washing my hands in front of every other boy who was pissing too.

That's why I love that sign- it gets it right, disabled boys ARE boys and really facilities like a larger disabled toilet should be in your own genders spaces that you enter like any other boy.

The other thing connected with all of that is how all that plus meddling by various people left me in sense of gender otherness, a malaise when really going back and looking at my more formative years it was more obvious that odd gender untypical interest aside I was very much a boy and happy with and being pushed along other directions had not really done anything for me. 

Quite the opposite actually.

Working from the time I was at asb.org to sorting out old tumblr account to even sorting out an even older music forum account  and just coming out openly as a boy and masculine progress is being made like coming out with the short form of my first name.

That malaise had added own issues like not feeling I could like my own body when you'd been pushed into thinking it wasn't really you.

Well where I was it was a bit hot plus we'd been playing physical games afterward that took my mind a bit to school games and swimming where you'd shower afterwards and in truth I was a bit sweaty.
After all most boys do sweat more by design compared with girls.

After spending a long time disassociating from my body by hiding in a bubble filled bath, decided to take a shower which I wasn't sure over not least for forgetting completely how to use one managed to get it going .

I started to apply the shower gel all over me, torso, legs and intimate parts and then as I looked in the left hand mirror directed the water spray over me as I rubbed into in cleaning myself. 

I made myself look at my body as I worked on my intimate areas rather than averting my eyes realizing I loved my boyish genitalia and it was nothing to feel ashamed over.

I Love what makes me my gender and all it means.

Embracing that and loving myself means no more hiding my gender from anyone and that my sex organs are at core of me.They are me.

Another thing is over the years I have moved much further back in part through the regressive side of me as well as the side dealing all that other mess toward more overtly boyish dress.

It was very obvious during the period I was away, really that is what I feel most comfortable with, it is my second skin as it were not things that made me feel bad about who I really was so anything like that will be going for good from my life.

I feel outside of uniform traditional boys sports shorts and tops is much more in tune with the spirit of what is in me.

I also know I'm a hetrosexual male and this is a good thing so I will stand up for my own sexuality in a sea where only gay or non sexual sexual identities are preferred.

Coming out with being a boy

This week I've been out into town as I had left over from my Birthday a W H Smiths book voucher from a relative who was of that generation which not just bought things from an actual store but also used specialist stores rather than catch all supermarket chains that might say sell a limited range of books and other odds and ends like bags and so on.

The thing about book and most other sorts of vouchers is they can't be redeemed even though their own online stores and when one massive bookstore I loved going into from childhood shut down over a year ago you can't be sure they have in the book you may want whereas just entering it in any online store or site such as Amazon gives you an instant result.

I just headed to the children's section, not that today they label it as such  - you just see the signs, 5-8 9+ and the "Teens" - and gravitate toward the racks and pick up what you need which was two books, one about a ten year old boy evacuee who forms a forms a friendship with a man who takes him in and a book on the story of Harry Kane of Arsenal from boyhood to ace goalscorer. The one thing both have in common is they are about boyhood dreams and hopes.

It was also a week where I made further progress with that site account contributing to a discussion on male underwear in a sub forum where they talk about things that aren't about music and what you use to listen to it.

It wasn't as much how much I had to say about it so much as I affirmed my gender by openly referring to my most intimate attire in front of everyone including female members in a simple matter of fact way.

Metaphorically I took my pants down and let my gender out.

Tearing down some of that malaise from the past, learning to be openly proud of my boyishness and my manhood, to associate with and let others associate you with being male is the progress I am making.

Lessons learned

Gender politics  runs deep in our societies discourse whither it's those who allege to be male is to have an inheritable  privilege in society or those who feel anyone who 'identities' with any gender is just it regardless the one thing they have in common is they all DEMAND tolerance and shut down disagreements showing that liberal contradiction of our time, intolerance around toleration and different views.

 

Let's start with something straightforward  gender really is about the sense socially you feel you are and what that is does include societal attitudes and preferences which for good measure can change with time.

You cannot actually change gender in that sense because that is how you see you and there is a small proportion of people who don't  fit in with how society sees their own gender expression. That's a head thing really.

There's a section who clearly have actual dysphoria a disgust, a revulsion about how their own bodies are who may need some help to deal with it but that really is about sex, your physical side not least for males your penis and testicles and for females your breasts and vagina.

The traditional way of dealing with the idea that you don't feel the gender you are is to change your physical appearance to match that which matches your gender but that doesn't make you internally a female even if you grow breasts and have a vagina fashioned.

I'm understanding of the latter although it is by no means either straightforward or really a 'cure' and wish them well.

What I do feel and some will loath me for saying it is the problem we have over gender is actually the result of own narrow roles not least for boys and putting children on a course of pills and in time surgery to remake outward physical appearances to match societies issues isn't right.

A good number of male to female transexual do find actually not only having such re-assignment or more accurately  gender confirmation surgery doesn't actually do anything for their idea of gender expression but actually wish to have their surgery reversed.

More over and I'm well qualified to say this is there is a push toward the idea not of exploring what being a boy can be but more one of "so you're questioning your gender, you can't really be a boy then" when it may be that either you have little idea of what boys really do have interests in and specifically a lack of real tuition in what being a boy really is and how you might handle manhood.

I know cos I went through this without going down the medical side and I found it did nothing for me and what I really needed was to work on what it means to be male in the 21st century and to learn to love my self and my male body.

Boys don't need to have their balls removed to be helped with issues around who they are and gender expression in the male world and no to be blunt I don't think it is acceptable when you don't have dysphoria.

Boy chat

This last week was pretty interesting in that I spent time chatting on Friday in a chat room with a mixture of people of both genders on a streaming site owned by a Female "Furry" who as it happened between doing comic also had slots for free art in and to which I had entered into the competition.

You see, they all belong on a big Furry site which as it happens I do have an account in my name (Chris_minor) where I do publish pictures of my colouring and that on plus write a bit of a journal about me.

I had interacted with the odd one but never in real time with a group as talked with them about various things we had in common such as our regressed littleness and it wasn't long before I was explaining what being a adult little boy/ schoolboy was as I see it.

I also explained around how for me it was less "age playing" -a kind of role play but more a matter of coming from my actual regressed emotional age so I have less of a character and more just me younger than my 'bone' age.

The only other place I chatted a lot on was ASB.org but that's been down for a good few weeks now and I quite enjoyed it and coming out as ALB/ASB

People I think get into over thinking around things to do with gender, at least in my experience because we are all male and female, boys and girls and so much of everything else is really about us even if generally speaking their are ideas around what is normal for girl and boys and I know with boys we have a 'code' of sorts.

Thing is we can play three ways, on own own, with own own gender which is our social default or with both as in this picture where we all are and know we are boys and girls but we're playing as friend, sharing in the fun.

It doesn't and should not mean we have lost our gender in the play, it's that the play is the bigger thing.

Because I play with a girl doesn't  mean I become her any more than she becomes me it's that we both know what each other is and stick to what is right for us because we are something.

We ARE gendered. We WANT to be seen as the boy or girl we ARE and there comes a point when ACCEPT OUR GENDER and ACT ACCORDINGLY.

Getting it straight

The week here so far hasn't been particular stressful just writing my blog and reading a few Tumblrs, not that I have as yet as my experiences elsewhere online haven't been good.
One thing I do wish to comment upon is that really there are only boys and girls when it comes to genders not the multitude some seem to put about and that also does NOT include cross-species genders such as fawngender.

You may have a few atypical likes for your gender which is well within the norm but you remain still either a boy or a girl because no amount of fancy titling, hormones or attempts at altering the appearance of your sex organs alters the fact your internal wiring is and remains that of your real gender.

As we grow up we need to learn male skills like how to keep ourselves clean shaven and only males can because they have that personal knowledge and as that young boy along that route we learn it from from older boys and male siblings.

A boy is best brought up as he is - a male

The other thing is that boy has no need for long trousers, boys like me NEED to kept in shorts ideally short ones to help ensure I am handled for my actual emotional and intellectual development as a immature person over the age of 18 who only has the capacity of a child and needs adults to be my responsible grown ups in charge of me.

Boys own?

One thing I feel is that in general boys do benefit from being educated in an environment where the class is just of boys because the teaching and social education can be better tailored that which boys alone do much better at.

I can recall the difficulties in trying to pick books for a co-ed English Literature class as the class interests divided, very evenly along gender based lines which is why some some schools do have boy or girls only classes for certain subjects

So absorbed in our reading, we fail to notice our mud laden soles probably requiring a spot of chastisement somewhere down the line.