There are times when I do like to talk a bit about my past and where some of that confusion came from that was leaving me feeling pretty bad.
There was a group of adult littles I knew who were mainly or at the time saw themselves as transgendered where at the time there weren't many places for adult little boys that weren't in with sissification and a whole lot of stuff I didn't care for.
There was an individual let's call them 'K' who was a mainstay of them who saw herself as male to female adult little girl who wrote fiction around that topic who had some serious issues in their professional life because of attitudes toward being that way when they presented as male for work.
To put things simply and in a fair minded way she didn't see herself having nor wanting an adult female side, being that adult little girl was just how the little side came out.
That group tended to push me toward their scene during that period but visiting some of their written work during the period I started to drift back toward adult little boys I noticed they had written a lengthy prose piece some of which is relevant to how and why I've moved so far away from that scene.
I think the first thing was she was very disenchanted with the Transgender movement because she felt pushing people especially children who still looked in the buff as one sex but claiming the other in to things such as Scouting, School and Work based closets, changing rooms and dorms what were single SEX for a good reason just for ideological reasons (believing Sex and Gender are the same and feeling one Gender equals being that Sex) was not just bad tactics but actually very wrong flying in face of human nature.
Adolescent boys and girls are driven to explore sexuality and relationships, many of us can remember that and so placing people whose sexual attraction is toward the opposite sex even if that one member claims to be of a different gender doesn't prevent *anything* happening.
That figuratively was a kick in the balls given some of stuff I'd been told.
What she said was you could change the appearance of your body through surgery or purely cosmetically but it doesn't alter your internal sex one iota and that really was a fantasy.
Few who do 'transition' resemble the born female cis models used in much of the transgender articles around that and memes posted on tumblr and the like finding they still don't feel comfortable with their bodies as adults.
One of things I felt bad about in that group was whenever they'd discuss things about gender actually I felt a strong connection to my sex - I didn't wish to have them removed - and I liked the connections it gave me.
She decided it appeared not to call herself Transgendered because she always felt that little girl and never a woman and didn't wish to associated with those peoples attitudes.
In the parallel universe, I'd formed the view I rather liked and would sooner spend my time with and in the adult little boy and schoolboy world because actually I liked my sex and I felt my sex and gender were aligned even if some of my interests may of been at the time gender untypical.
Thus in time I left that group realizing much of its focus was far removed from me and by doing so I'd move on to the world I actually belong in, the world of adult little boys who love being themselves.
That has proven to be so much better for me I can't put it into words.
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