And your word to describe is?

It's another week in what were told was spring but it sure doesn't feel like it, it is April too so white rabbits have been about and another sort of rabbit will be making its appearence at the weekend armed with enjoyable gifts.

Sitting watching Call My Bluff the other day, one of Geoffrey Robinson's shows at the time, the other being that post tea and news Ask The Family, remembering panellists, a good few sadly are no longer with us, just locked in our memories as ever my mind was at one point in time while attempting the work out  which explination of a word or phrase was True and what was Bluff.

I was just thinking what the answers might be if the word was "Adult Schoolboy"?

Peter Pan?

I could imagine a scene rather like this.

A collection of boys, allowed up by Matron or your house master to watch a late show in the era of rigid bed times enforced without fail watching the show as we did back then - grown ups thought shows like that were good for our brains - thinking "just what is "Adult Schoolboy?"

Thye'd never seen anything that met that description, perhaps they knew a kind older person who kept a similar sense of fun to them and, looking at each other said "Could we look like this when we've taken our O Levels and left school?"

I suspect for many of us possibly not - other things were on our horizons like A Levels,  college or shockingly at sixteen, work that was worlds away from that life we knew and loved - and yet today many of us do loving being mentally and in terms our presentation being just that.

I knew for all of that I felt at that age of still being very much a junior and preferring to dress more that way the idea I might freely elect to dress like that would of seemed - strange.

Indeed this morning I saw a post of Mumsnet where one had started a topic even suggesting that actual boys wearing grey short trousers was "off" and "had the wrong impression" although many I hasten to add did spell out the advantages and that even some boys would sooner wear them by choice all day long.

Just where that might come from who knows?

Yes we sometimes read of the person who gets into serious trouble with the law while looking more like that but bigger proportions do wear very much adult male attire and get into the same.

For us it may be "a thing" but I don't feel that deters actual boys from wearing them any more than the interest in say replica football strips or vintage sports shorts adults have puts them off wearing sports wear, perhaps dreaming of being the next celebrated striker or going out as the club mascot.

Perhaps we just loved being that us back then and kept it that way as best we could?

Rejoining the playground

This week begins with my best Bud and mentor Edward losing yet again his Tumblr with no warning signs, no breaches of their actual terms of service nor did he post any pictures that would of been out of place in a family magazine.
Axed no doubt by those who think any pictures of boys happens to be wrong and any who question Tumblr's left Liberal political line about gender including identity politics, and activism.

After a while I have decided to give joining another website a try as while I'm not not into AB/DL AB does nothing for me and while I have no issues with people do wear diapers unless I was to become incontinent I just don't get why I'd want to at least that sort of community has less issues with being an adult little boy and can live with presenting more as a adult schoolboy.

Because of its core users being considered kink, it doesn't accept pictures of actual children no matter what in entries and avatars nor can it accept older teens but does have within it's "Adult Kids" section a sub forum for Boys Only posts.

Conversation around Age Regession as it applies to those of us eighteen plus is thin on the ground on Tumblr especially that which allows for uniforms and even spanking to be talked of within that context.

While a simple mistake with age that had no serious consequences left me being prevented from posting for a few days despite putting it right for some strange reason given the number of times I attempted to contact them, eventually that has been put right.

That conversation side is the one thing I have missed since ASB.org closed and so I think it's time to stand inline with other boys as just another boy in his shorts and play.

Second Anniversary post Part II

The follow on from last weeks post continues in the vein of the Tumblr posts and expanded back ups on Wordpress over the two year period of That Traditional Schoolboy with some of elements that I touched on briefly exploring at ASB.org
Things are very different at the moment because of the Corona virus and the restrictions that has brought into place which has provided an opportunity of sorts to look at this whole matter of relating.

One unavoidable aspect is that for me it is not a role playing situation where you may taken on a role as a school boy, dress and start the reenactment post roles as a character to others so much as actually I have no conception of being adult and from that point on I don't relate to you at all as adult to adult.

Another element is connected with disability many of my carers and defacto authority figures were female so I didn't have much male import with much ill disguised male bashing surrounding me.

One thing that has rocketed in that two years is the extent I am not just wearing but am seen out of doors as that adult little boy so even in this emergency I am seen on the streets at the local store or technically exercising in uniform.

That on top of the developmental disabilities side of not being nor relating as an adult only amplifies that difference and it has lead to changed  relating and social interchange as I increasingly move in male only circles.

Picture me not a million miles removed from the boy above dressed in grey school shorts, blue or green double striped turnover grey socks who speaks to and who is asked how he is and how he is getting on.

A person who looks very much a boy being cared for by men on the street as they find him, who is instructed on what he should do, being told what he cannot do, who has to stand there feeling the heat as he is verbally chastized and cautioned just like a school boy - looking like one - by men who treat him like their own son that he knows

A little boy, with some adult privileges such as voting back in boyhood being raised by men who looks up to them.

Not a classic adult schoolboy role play of boys vs teachers with lectures and on the spot corporal punishment but almost as authentic and definitely the best thing that's happened to me since turning 18 in law. 

That's a change that's happened through ASB and that Tumblr

Sleep

To me one of big changes of our time has been how bedrooms, literally a room with a bed in it you may of kept the odd thing in like books and toys has morphed a entertainment and games room to the point we sleep with phones on lest we miss a call or lie in our beds with our iPads, Chromebooks and laptops as if rest and sleep are now wrapped into permanently on lifestyle.

Being sent to your room worked as a threat in part cos you'd miss out everything the rest of the home or school was doing because you were removed

This boy one presumes a model, clearly loves gaming to the point he has the poster like I have a Guardians of the Galaxy comic poster in my bedroom but when in bed with his dog snuggled up to him is no doubt playing!

It's like you can't just enjoy being in bed snuggled up to your dog finding comfort in such close physical contact.

If it wasn't for my own self control I'd have to be honest and say  I could soon end up losing rest and sleep even to online life which is why actual kids and adult little boys need rules around this so we do what we need to rather than losing that time with the mental and physical energy loss.

Getting back to where you once belonged

I would be easily to rail at much that is wrong with the world right now but sometimes it's better to let the red mist drift off and look at what is working instead.
This whole life has been going on a pretty long time to be honest a few rabbit holes I was pushed along into excepted and a few attempts at masking aside but with much of the former it really messed me up.
The thing always was from the outset I was much more younger less by the standards of people of the same birth age 'mature' than most and as time went on that gap got bigger to the point  increasingly I had little really in common outside of work and even within to assume I was an adult was an assumption too far.
I had to be handled more like a schoolboy on work experience than a grown man, kept an eye on and have things explained to me simply.
Even if elements of how I presented might of looked more mainstream like wearing mainly Chino pants even if they were fully elasticated then other elements like wearing more school type sweatshirts and having animal design backpacks and cute plushies on the desk were not.
My drifting back after the misguided attempts to take me down other rabbit holes toward being an adult little boy, finally accepting I was in no way functionally adult was a breakthrough as was deciding to present myself at all times as that little boy of junior age has enabled me to be seen and treated more as that adult but child by literally casting the adultness off me whenever I'm in company at home or in the community.
By appearing in my shirt, grey shorts and matching long grey socks, I am no longer mistaken by people for an adult and they feel more able to exercise the kind of protected oversight and authority I need having de-adulted myself in public.
Thus for me life for having made this step is all the more better.

Birthday thoughts

Today is actually a special day but much of that will be left to the main blog on Friday to talk about such as these things do pan out.

One thing to say when it comes to any kind of annual event is for me it is more like an endless loop rather than a linear progression because for being forever a boy it is more or less the same as it ever was whatever my chronological age may be.
Thus emotionally today just feels like the tenth birthday and people sometimes say like why do you go on about things in that year I became ten and the answer was and is that's very much where what interests me and how I see things remains.
It's not that it's an identical re-run because for instance I read new books and watch new tv shows never mind things have moved from the heyday of Mud and the Bay City Rollers musically but more I engage in their modern equivalents having more in common with aspects of today's ten year olds.
Unlike then, we do use computers to view websites, play games and stream shows in ways that back then we couldn't imagine but that's just the means of doing very much the same sorts of things because beneath all that sophistication that's in modern life for all, we're still the same children with the same needs.

Six days to go

It is but six days away from Christmas which in same ways is a bit different in feel this year and for reasons I won't go too much into is pulling me out of it.

The week began with going into town to get some of the last minute touches to Christmas including getting some things for Mom because as I boy it's my job to help her and be obedient while I getting my things.
The town looked lovely with it's traditional black and white and brick buildings festooned with decorations galore while junior school children were going around town caroling  in groups so even if it was a cool day, it was the more enjoyable being be very traditional carrying out the old rituals.
It's those rituals that help make it magical bringing everything to life.
Daddy and I were fed up with the news especially the "Brexit" stories day after day so he kindly let me watch the Christmas Dangermouse special instead on the CBBC channel which provided a much needed lift.
The other side of the coin was Tumblr had messed up a blog of mine so I'm in appeal with them for the second time in as many days but have started some work on  replacement which be centred around vintage scouting and age regressed school uniform stuff as my main one is a group account that can't message or do asks.
Having a narrower focus may help in avoiding some of the pitfalls and as half expecting things I had transferred some series of posts to another account so there no point do a straight remake.
As well when I mentioned about the torn shorts in transferring one pair navy shorts over for roaming and cub scout like activities outdoors, I got a new pair of grey shorts to replace them by.

Getting that cubby feeling

This last week has been interesting with the usual mix of a few decades past and the current intermingled as the post on the main blog on Friday will show with found memories of original childhood experienced in my second as that child in an adult body.
It has also been an interesting one for being out exploring nature, watching, feeling and hearing it intently.

I have observed the habits of Squirrels, watched on a daily basis the changes in the hue and colour of the leaves on all our local trees and a good many insects.
Indeed actually on Saturday, I observed at close quarters hundreds of Ladybirds out in the fall sun that must of emerged.

An example of the Harlequin Ladybird I saw is this one which I took a picture of while a wasp seemed to take an interest in my hat!

Wild berries were also out too although normally it is a little late in the season to see them.

While I can never be invested into the cubs nor actually be awarded the badges, this week I feel the sense of being a cub scout in spirit learning more his woodcraft  and scouting skills such as observation while having fun.
The very things that are passported into the remainder of your life after that stage.

The ASB Edition

I decided to join a site specifically for Adult Schoolboys called Adult School Boys this month because I think just being with other adult schoolboys will actually help me reclaim chunks some people tried to deny in me just because I wasn't 100% straight as a die male and wanted to claim me for their own side.
Fact is you don't have dig deep under the surface in me to find my masculine side even if would benefit from a little tuition and learning to assert it self more because it is dominate in me

One thing about this regressed adult schoolboy thing is it picks up from how things were and an important standard is all the 'boys' wear white junior briefs with a Y front fly which I haven't worn in years.
I just decided to conform to my gender norms, buy and put myself back in what boys ARE supposed to wear without question, starting as I need to go on relearning and recovering what I need from now on. There is the fact my regression past has always been from a schoolboy setting even when I first started going back in time in my mid teens, I didn't jump gender, I just acted on my gender norms and feelings but from a boyish angle being every inch a schoolboy of ten in his short trousers.
I'd never even consider changing my sex to line up with anything else as whatever issues some in society may have with my gender expression, I love being a boy and love people who know and call me what I am: A Boy.
Joining ASB just makes a lot of sense of you're a adult school boy which I am.

Bringing up the adult-child boy

There are difference around what sort of personal self discipline a person should have growing up and if a person hasn't then what should happen and while I don't intend to stray into the area of actual children today, I did have one with a good deal of strict rules and what some might see as institutional or even authoritarian  

A scene such as this was common place because we had the responsibility to keep our dorm tidy and were subject to inspection standing to attention and if a boy was found not to have kept his area tidy and made his bed properly then as was the norm then, yes we were spanked for it.

For those of us who are in certain respects very much child-like in our development not having reached maturity but in law adults some of may feel given our difficults to engage with more 'adult' ways of changing our behaviour something of a short sharp shock of a spanking may get our attention and bring about more of a compliance with what we are expected to do than anything else.

As ever on this blog I only talk of and concerning adult but child boys whatever the law may say recording their birth age remain mentally very much a child lacking much of the maturation of even the average teen, who is more dependent on 'grown ups' to organize them.

Such a person in  real life is me who needs a high level of input into doing everyday things such as going out, shopping, following social norms expected in order to develop and maintain friendships.

Because of the sorts of problems I have, I easily get into bad attitudes toward others, not being prepared to fully apply myself to what I'm doing either just involving me or with others so I let others as well as myself down that no amount of trying to talk around breaks. 

When I am like that a way of breaking it involves deliberately using a juvenile approach such as using direct talking and saying I will have a spanking for it because I soon learn to alter my behaviour.

I know since this has come into my life I am shaping up to exercise personal and group responsibility.

Age dysphoria, age regression and age play

Age Regression is when you revert to a younger mindset with its own interests and means of expression that arise from your own past compared to your chronologically  age appropriate ones especially as an adult.

For some people this can be a coping mechanism from trauma or sense in which the current world is 'too much' for them to cope with so moving to one where you are following more a child-like role enjoying play activities while another acting more as a caretaker, guardian or quasi-parent takes on the oversight that most adults most of time assume for themselves, big cared for directly is not uncommon.

This as with me ties very much into not in certain critical respects having developed the adult skills required to handle and assume those roles and responsibilities because while sharing elements of age regression, I am Age Dysphoric.

That means that emotionally, developmentally and in certain other ways there is a mismatch between what is typical of a person of my birth age is and myself and that I am effectively a full time boy of ten in an adult body.

It's less acting a role out as just 'being' that person as it happens and because it can lead to compilations working out that balance between the side of you that needs to be big and that inner  kid where their own 'age' and with it, needs, because that side has its own development

What it is that you do during that period and what it is certainly has been at the centre of some controversy from the very beginning  because it takes us to some very awkward points because for much of place especially online the term used for what you do whilst in that headspace is "Age Play" but it has become linked with other things.

It is undeniably the case that some people have used the presentation as someone younger  as a warm up for adult sexual behaviour but that has always been an act put on by and for that purpose alone and that the sexualization of childhood rightly concerns people. It is beyond argument too such a sexual side to it is kink based with 'sexy "gay" schoolboy' interchangeable as that of Sports jock sexpot as a role that they put on.

Age Regression though is never about this, it is about letting that child side out to play as an actual bio child would in itself but that very word 'play' because of the context it has been used in suggests playing a role, which  it isn't but more acting more in accordance with the regressed adult child you feel at the psychological level.

For someone who is age dysphoric like me it is very much like that but 24/7 365 days a year because it is a permanent part of who we are as children of adult body age.

Think of it more as letting the breaks of adult behaviour inhibitors where instead of trying to act grown up because of social pressure and ridicule for being the adult child you are you 'play' the way that bio-child within feels and if their chronological age was say ten, the kind of life you would a  actual ten your old would playing, reading etc with the social responsibilities that child would too including caretaker roles for another adult to look after situations you need help with in order for you to feel safe.

To do that is literally Age Playing, acting in accordance ones mental and developmental age and with me that's painfully apparent because at no point can I relate with you as in an adult to adult context because mentally I'm never there. I'm always looking at and for you to being the 'adult' and yes look after the adult-child me.

In plain speak I have the need to be parented and a parent authority figure to do so.

Just saying that is profoundly shocking for some people and there are others who simply refuse to accept this isn't a game of "I want a daddy to play with me" rather than doing the tax returns that I could just snap my fingers and leave.

Indeed that was at the core of an unpleasant public ridiculing on one adult spanking related site where I was attacked by someone who could not see this before being banned but that whole experience shook me up because in effect an adult humiliated a child wrapped in an adults body for being themselves.

That's why actually understanding this whole thing matters and why I'm talking about on this blog today.

Leaving and resuming years later

In the old order of things you'd be in school this week as Summer Term wound itself down as we couldn't really go any further in our classwork  so we'd have trips out, maybe a school production, certainly a school leavers service and board games on school desks at other times.

I remember that time in July 1975 quite well as we had a composition to write about our time at school, the things we learnt and our hopes for our futures at high school all to the backdrop of It Ain't Half Hot Mum on tv and Whispering Grass sang by two cast members on the radio.

The kit you need, I need even, as the eternal boy reflects that era although we didn't have caps and blazers, and the latter was one item I had to get that summer, removing any outward appearence of an adult.

Restoration to a school aged junior boy is the order of my day which is why two impliments are included for bringing my behaviour in line consistant with that era as that's what I understand best.

A juvenile little boy really is best treated for his misdeanours with a well caned bottom which he was used to if not merely threatened with 1975 style.

It is a very effective way of teaching me a lesson and I support adults who as this adult little boy teaching me right from wrong caning me without question.

It'll make a good boy out of me.