Being there

Sometimes you just might wonder why things happened the way they did, like why would it take exploring your past on a site by posting pictures of things from your childhood and writing about them should result in you having a clearer idea of who you are removing some of clutter others tried to drag into it.

Sometimes people  play all kind of silly identity politics games such as saying they don't feel the gender they were born with or even have an identity but most of time that's more they think because they may be slightly different than most of their real gender peers that makes them a whole 'nother gender.

There are times people try that on you but it became obvious that wasn't really me because I loved being that boy then and that really my issues really stemmed more from how my conditions and disabilities have left me still as that boy but with much of the world thinking you're a grown up and trying engage with you as one.

The thing I found on social media like Tumblr and on ASB was that there were people for different reasons saw themselves as Boys still who did play and have similar interests to that from their boyhood and that at ASB in particular they even dressed as schoolboys.

That kind of thing was where I was at around my mid teens really hating the few signs of puberty like hairs on arms I'd grown so in a way it was a dysphoria strictly speaking when I started to dress younger when I could.

Unlike some at ASB though I don't see being that boy in terms of wearing a uniform when it comes to presentation simply because we had play clothes for when we weren't at school so I do have more boys casual clothing for weekends playing locally mirroring that of todays boys of chronological age.

We had "best" for things like going to the theatre, church and big family occasions but otherwise at home I wore more casual shorts or sports shorts with t shirts and that's where it is in 2019 too.

I know my 'tribe' and I'm happy to be a boy cos boys are the best!

Social media week

This week I decided to talk a bit more interaction on sites and social media

This week has been a bit odd to say the least with the MLP Club blocking my 100% SFW Cglre age regression blog's account for no apparent reason other than reblogging an Agere Toy Sharing scheme's info which is odd as high proportion of people looking at pre year 2000 toys and pastimes will surely include people who do age regress which will include memories of such things.

In the real order of things well away from the make believe word of Tumblr the Music blog suitable regendered has turned 500 posts well officially at least as it had been going for a long time April 2006 and I'm sure I actually posted a good number more than that.
Unlike a character like Grant there, I don't live for post counts as I don't feel the need for adoration and the like although the recent software like many today does issue various trophies like that 500th post one.

I'm just relearning how to interact as male, picking topics outside the main music stuff to join in with like Model Railways and soccer as I work through the malaise and out as the boy and male I am, happy to be seen as such. 

Cutting loose

Sometimes this blog has entries that are more stream of whatever is on my mind and on other occasions it can be more of a planned piece based certain themes I'd done some research and carefully thought through.

This week I've been dealing with things from the past that required me to make some clear cut decisions over because the 'malaise' I had been suffering from for a number of years had left some unresolved issues.

One was I had at one point been pushed toward more feminine gender expression by people who believed some of my rootlessness was routed having some interests that were more common in females and encouraged me to be more feminine.

That had included having a notebook that went back several years where I was to document all of this but in the last two years I had began to realize this wasn't really helping because I never had a desire to be female being quite happy being a male and in doing so actually by taking me away from what I was more comfortable with, it was leaving me more in gender limbo. 

Far from being misassigned at birth to use the current trans phrase upon coming out of the womb I had been sexed correctly for the penis and testicles I entered the world with.

Whenever I was called a he, a him a boy, a male or man I was not being misgendered, I was being  sexed correctly by society because I wasn't born in the wrong body as some had tried to get me to accept but born already in my true body and they were affirming it.

Sometimes you may wonder if it's more like making a whole new persona to have a restart when you can only change the external appearance within limits and not really the biology or true sex.

The period I spent in specifically ASB/ASG regression back in a all male gender group had enabled me to strip back a lot of those false assumptions as I explored more of my past  and moreover had shown I was increasingly more confident just being a masculine boy even with the odd different interest accepting the rough and tumble world of masculine boys.

I had parked it for quite a period, not knowing really what to do with it but after several months where I'd only glimpsed at it once a month and after talking with Edward about how I had been feeling not least how I felt seeing such content, I decided to ditch it completely.

From around the same era  I had an account at a music forum which under the same influence had a more feminine feel to it either though technically it was gender neutral on that tick box that was troubling me to the point I was reluctant to post  often on it because I felt that person wasn't really me.

I decided to give it a male makeover starting by marking myself down as a male once and for all, changing the obviously girlie avatar for that of a boy, putting "Just A Boy" in the custom title box and re-writing the about bit to make an oblique reference to living in ALB/ASG life with a picture of boys playing with Meccano.

In the week that I have been wearing sports tops and shorts out looking every inch the boy I am and obviously male, I decided to honour my gender by ditching something it simply wasn't and openly acknowledging on one account what I am.

Regendering therapy for me is the best thing that has happened, reconnecting my feelings, emotions and sense of self to my innate masculinity that has room for my needs.

I am no longer prepared to deny, hide or draw a veil over my real gender  but will assert it from now on.

Masculine hygiene

After last weeks provocative entry and some related posts on Tumblr a few people looked at vintage advertisements remarking on how in a changed environment many wouldn't even get published not for anything to do with misleading or false claims something that in this country the Advertising Standards Authority (A.S.A.) deal with but more because of certain attitudes.

It's worth talking about what being male means in  terms of male hygiene because even when I was growing up  it wasn't unknown for some to regarding keeping yourself clean as effeminate behaviour.
Irrespective of contemporary attitudes as boys and men, we're active, we play ball games, rough and tough on the grass, we climb trees and explore holes for the fun of it which means we get dirty and work up a sweat that makes us smell of body odour.
We have no right to inflect that smell and dirt on others so it is our responsibility to remove germ spreading dirt from our bodies and to make ourselves smell and feel fresh so we need to wash and shower ourselves all over as responsible boys and men whenever we get like this.
To do that isn't to be 'sissy'.
We need to use a good soothing soap with a neutral smell that having removed the stale smell of body odour from our bodies leaves us smelling fresh free from anything unnecessary.
We wash in brisk efficient tough way to get the job done and we certainly don't linger for ages in baths taking in flowery smells.
Soups like Lifebouy or Imperial Leather are the best ones for us as our skin Ph factor is actually different compared with females.
No self respecting male should give any countenance to the idea of using flower scented soaps or agents in the bath water never mind the use of thing like Bath Balls as that is just such a feminine indulgence because quite simply if you do loving it you're a namby-pandy sissy femme pansy who really wants to live as girlie girls do.
We wash and keep ourselves clean the masculine way which right for us.

A call to arms

Another day attempting to stay alive in the Manosphere in spite of everything

One thing that really pisses me off on Tumblr is how it is the advertising and features are aimed very much at 'females' wither or not they stick the word boy or girl in with it as if no one who could be described as being male is allowed to exist like it is only a female space and yet they talk so much about being inclusive and supporting gender equality.

You cannot opt out of this advertising  which often has a extreme feminist anti male agenda running through it and to complain about how it's just not scientifically correct to refer to over 75 'genders' some of which are inter species for good measure publically risks having your posts removed or accounts terminated even though they may refer to masculinity as toxic with impunity.

Put it this way, as a person who age regresses for reasons of trauma as well as cognitive issues affecting development, I am exploring and working with my boyhood past channelling  my buried maleness reengaging with it.

I am reading and doing colouring things that are clearly for and about boys and our expression of what it means to be one and asserting my Balls confronting the crap that is being thrust at us.

I KNOW WHAT I AM - AN EFFING BOY - AND I WON'T DENY WHAT MY REAL GENDER IS TO MYSELF OR IN THE PRESENCE OF OTHERS.