Wednesday, 30 May 2018

You are not yet an adult...

There are a number of ways you can look at the whole idea of being an adult little boy and you see them around various sites.

One take is more of an individual being made to be boy, a junior in a relationship that he may be prepared to go along with but ultimately is of that other persons choosing.
Another might be in certain ways you *are* not yet an adult even if afforded that status elsewhere or as is implied in this caption the person is a teen who many authorities treat as a 'young adult' - a twilight world between child and fully formed adult and in this instance because of  ambiguity of role has been put into a boys uniform with clear message adult status isn't his -yet.

Personally I have to be honest and say I never ever felt remotely 'adult' in my life even if I may of had some more sophisticated interests and hobbies that I could hold my own in with people who clear were adults.

The minute we moved from them to something else, the deficit in my development compared to others would show as I was then a child-like person in a grown up world struggling to cope never mind feeling very vulnerable which I was.

Age dysphoria is like that.

I never wanted adult status because in so many ways I cannot use much of what it gave me and more to the point being given it removed the support and understanding of people that what they were (and are) dealing with is a child in an adult shell.

To me then to wear more boyish attire to the point of say a school uniform isn't just a quirk, a thing I just like the look of, it matches how I am, how emotionally and developmentally I am and does tend to lead more to an understanding that especially as I do look young physically I am more that child and tilt people toward understanding my limitations.

Some people may say "limitations, that sounds negative?" but no, actual child me had those limitations that were not so pronounced because I didn't need to do things that exposed them and in any event what did I do?

I went to school, joined activities and played and for those it wasn't so much of a problem for people so being that child was fine. 

The problem came when you wanted me to be an adult and I didn't have what it took to do that not because I didn't want to but because just turning an age - 18 here in the UK - didn't just give me the means but you expected me to do it.

To me then asb works as taking back in time coping mechanism  put putting more in the social environment where how I am seen matched again how I am and treated and if that means rules and some oversight then I'm more than happy to have that to regular adulthood.

Wednesday, 23 May 2018

The ASB Edition

I decided to join a site specifically for Adult Schoolboys called Adult School Boys this month because I think just being with other adult schoolboys will actually help me reclaim chunks some people tried to deny in me just because I wasn't 100% straight as a die male and wanted to claim me for their own side.
Fact is you don't have dig deep under the surface in me to find my masculine side even if would benefit from a little tuition and learning to assert it self more because it is dominate in me

One thing about this regressed adult schoolboy thing is it picks up from how things were and an important standard is all the 'boys' wear white junior briefs with a Y front fly which I haven't worn in years.
I just decided to conform to my gender norms, buy and put myself back in what boys ARE supposed to wear without question, starting as I need to go on relearning and recovering what I need from now on. There is the fact my regression past has always been from a schoolboy setting even when I first started going back in time in my mid teens, I didn't jump gender, I just acted on my gender norms and feelings but from a boyish angle being every inch a schoolboy of ten in his short trousers.
I'd never even consider changing my sex to line up with anything else as whatever issues some in society may have with my gender expression, I love being a boy and love people who know and call me what I am: A Boy.
Joining ASB just makes a lot of sense of you're a adult school boy which I am.

Wednesday, 16 May 2018

Past thoughts

Something that always cheers me up is The Beano and in particular recollections of the editions I read growing up as they were less sanitized and not so troubled with the idea of offending some peoples ideas.
Take this classic strip where as ever Dennis is menacing Walter, very much the leader of the softies where no one would condone his actions nontheless we knew there were boys like that and there were Walters amongs out school boy associates but the point was Dennis got his comeuppance as we did back with a spanking.
Today it's as though they pretend it doesn't go on and far from being punished he's given counselling for various issues.
I think instinctively children expect such behaviour to be punished because they know it is wrong and we sending out mixed messages when we don't.    

Wednesday, 9 May 2018

Feeling good

Post Easter entry after being 'on the nom' , posting off that form after going for a bit of walk today and seeing someone said they were looking at good or positive stories given how things are in  the world right now.

You might wonder about this image but the initiated do know, while it's not something I'd wear all the the time, I have been know to wear short shorts and t shirts which is super brave by my standards even been know to hide in sweaters in the midday sun before now so like I'm a bit braver than you'd think (or for that matter I'd necessarily credit myself with).
That has a lot to do with not feeling for a long time comfortable in my own skin or comfortable about how my disabilities effect my life and how other peoples attempts to 'normalize' me really messed my head up, not helping in creating a mindset very of being somebody else's version of me rather learning how to handling just being myself better.
Learning to open up about this part of my past is helping me not just identify what went wrong and deal properly with the emotions but to move on having actually learned the lessons rather than being stuck in that past.
Dealing with that form brought a lot of things about me to a head because the nature of it is really quite negative  so I would sooner now work with what I can do even with help, even if by necessity I'm treated as the adult-child I am, so I have the experiences that don't just build better, more positive memories from social interactions but also help move me on to contribute more to the lives of others.

Wednesday, 2 May 2018

Random Wednesday edition

Image result for boy with football
Ten random things about me.
1. I do like unicorns. Yip I know that's not what you expect from a boy but it's true.
2. Emil and the detectives is the book that always been my first love for its boyish sense of adventure.
3.The solo violin part in Rimsky Korsakov's Scheherazade really moves me 
4. I may be unsteady on my feet but I like to kick a ball about.
5. I like checkers and chess forming a chess club with Andy at high school
6. I'm very tactile, loving to stroke and feel materials
7. If you have dolls, I'd happily play with them with you
8. I used to play with insects and woodlice developing a love of snails
9. I'm useless at RP as I forget where we're up to
10. I love strawberry milkshakes