In the six years since this blog has been around I've looked at a good number of things that have come up which may of been things just from the past or from when I first realized I seemed to be staying in the same lane as my peers seemed to evolve and move on to very different lives, interests and at times emotions around certain topics.
They may of in most respects moved on into adulthood, seeming on the surface at least to feel comfortable with that while to me they're the "grown ups", I'm not and I feel adulthood from what I see of it is highly overrated with whole aspects of your life being just shut down to accomodate the demands of "the system".
It's been obvious with me my development is such that I struggle with being anything other than still a schoolboy and to the extent to which anything regarding "growing up" goes just working towards and maintaining being a responsible, mature boy is far and away more appropriate.
This last two months has been a challenge, from putting other needs first rather than being more around what you felt like doing but in bringing back memories from some of the hardest periods mentally in my life, not least the loss of my best forever friend, Andy in my early teens and for watching a few years after one of the Mark's slowly losing their life.
Those two events pretty much shock me to the core back then, leading me more to living for and in the now lest the next day fail to arrive and yet as badly helped as was common place sadly in that era as it was, I didn't just survive stuck in those times but adapted to those changes, making a fresh start as traumatic as things were.
Today I feel it's essentially the same.
This boy is working through the emotions while rebuilding life and relationships that I need using the life lessons left me so I move on, not forgetting the past but building the future.
I'll be still in grey uniform, looking every inch I feel.
I may need or hug or two but I'll get there.
