Light and Shade

The underpromoted blog is continuing this week even if I not in person to type it up the day before.

The week is special cos it's the first time in ages I have actually been away since most things stopped and being honest I don't know exactly what I think about that because our defaults changed so much even to the point where while our instinct was to flock to others you may of caught yourself seeing them as a threat to you.

It's likely to be more a low key, more restricted affair although notionally at least in England we can pretty much do anything that doesn't contradict someone elses rule or polite request.

 

It's more a opportunity to put a big more of a shining star in our lives, finding out a bit more of our ability to endure and move on from where we've been stuck since March last year.

That's been pretty much all I've been holding on to.

Feeling good

Post Easter entry after being 'on the nom' , posting off that form after going for a bit of walk today and seeing someone said they were looking at good or positive stories given how things are in  the world right now.

You might wonder about this image but the initiated do know, while it's not something I'd wear all the the time, I have been know to wear short shorts and t shirts which is super brave by my standards even been know to hide in sweaters in the midday sun before now so like I'm a bit braver than you'd think (or for that matter I'd necessarily credit myself with).
That has a lot to do with not feeling for a long time comfortable in my own skin or comfortable about how my disabilities effect my life and how other peoples attempts to 'normalize' me really messed my head up, not helping in creating a mindset very of being somebody else's version of me rather learning how to handling just being myself better.
Learning to open up about this part of my past is helping me not just identify what went wrong and deal properly with the emotions but to move on having actually learned the lessons rather than being stuck in that past.
Dealing with that form brought a lot of things about me to a head because the nature of it is really quite negative  so I would sooner now work with what I can do even with help, even if by necessity I'm treated as the adult-child I am, so I have the experiences that don't just build better, more positive memories from social interactions but also help move me on to contribute more to the lives of others.

Making Babysteps to recovery

To make a real recovery you need to go back to the point things started to go adrift and for me it was really around about thirteen.

In the ideal world I'd of been in middle school, who would of understood for my increasing sophistication when it came to interests fundamentally I was more a advanced junior rather than an mini adult.

You might understand sex appeal but you're not thinking along sexual lines in the way those over fourteen often are having the same sorts of needs as say a ten or eleven year old.

Heck I was still playing very much in the manner of one even as my peers where I lived moved on, still having adventures with action man and playing with my lego sets.

I was still very much tactile and  given to emotions.

Just acting older and blocking out my real needs such as play, reading more junior fiction and having adventures did me no good.

Ungrowing and being more a mature Boy really is of more use to someone like me.