The Tudors

This Thursday sees the return to school in this area, a few days earlier than normal because of the complications of Covid, not wishing to lose any more time than sadly has been study wise and  also with next years extra day's holiday to be slotted in the 'formula' needed to be changed.

It's a time of year where my Dysphoria tends to be at it's worst because psychologically my body clock expects to be returning to school and needless to say visiting the uniform shop and talking of which I expect my new school shorts around mid September.

I had a fairly wide ranging education even though I missed chunks and arguably wasn't properly taught but I did study History to English A level standard and a chunk of that was about the Tudors and Stuarts in England and Wales.

We did go on a number of  visits to important buildings such as former Abbeys and Halls built for the nobility such as Hardwick Hall in nearby Derbyshire and looked at things such as fashion and public health in that era outside of domestic policy, endless religious squabbles and the likes of the Armada. 

We didn't go too much into education back then, although it was very much something the really well to do boys had back then and as can be seen from this marvellous illustration  a boy in a state of disgrace regarding his conduct would be birched in front of his peers.

It also was a period of judicial Corporal as well as Capital punishment if you were caught begging or stealing.

Self caning

Although this is the only blog that does go into it, it's rare for me to post anything much around corporal punishment as there's not a great deal to expand up on which is why there's a page that go into depth into and just a few regular posts with fairly tame images dotted about.

I get tired of seeing dozens and dozens of glowing rears and for me this thing isn't a kink based ritual or compulsion more the run on of boarding school and home discipline from that era now.

While I do see from time to time a friend who is happy if that's the right word to spank me, that's not most of the time and covid rather messed situations where I could be with them.

Thus I recently decided to do a couple of things of which was to join a purely spanking centred discussion forum where people just discuss and form relationships with others who are spanked or those who do spank which is free from umpteenth rewritten stories and reposted images with strong bias toward disciplinary spanking.

One thing is is discussed to the point of having a sub forum is self spanking which as the name would suggest where you spank yourself whither on some criteria of your own or directed where having given the background they instruct and check you have administered that spanking which you've consented to take part in.

With that in mind having been struggling for a while I decided to bite the bullet and for when I cannot be spanked by others to administer it myself.

I now have a kooboo 9mm thickness and about 48 cm long cane which is short enough for when laying across a bed to easily use my right hand to cane myself across my shorts in very much junior fashion

Given some of my issues at times around getting so wound up I lash out and difficulties in getting from doing the things I like to other stuff I need to but no interest in even trying being prepared to take six strokes of the cane should help move me on on.

Having had it before starting this, it certainly is effective and  stings.

I have no excuses now.

The focus of the Tumblr

 

Working on the renewed and repositioned Tumblr we spoke of last week inserting the posts I wanted and getting it to the point we have now 600 posts on it really gets you into thinking exactly what is really about because so much water has gone under the bridge from when I first made a LB/ASB account with almost all legacy accounts gone apart from the messed up one.

The first thing to say is, nearly all of the old ASB scene on Tumblr is dead as in either as I experienced accounts deleted dead or dead as in seldom if ever updated from a few years back if they still exist.

My start point is really quite simple which is to say the appeal of school uniform comes from being a boy of the age who wore it to school but whose boyhood was more than just being a schoolboy in the literal sense.

It is the love of being the adult boy of ten that I am and the age appropriate life for someone who has age dysphoria as a everyday permanent thing rather than as role playing a schoolboy particularly when it revolves more about getting school discipline rather than learning, play or just enjoying life with the outlook of that ten year old.

Thus it is about Boyhood, the boyhood of the past I recall, the boyhood of todays bio-boys not more adult k1nk role playing stuff in the widest sense nor about strictly age regression (aka agere) because the bottom line is being how I am it is involuntary.

You can try to mask it, try to pass it off as something else but it's always there, always on directing your interests and having its needs that align to that of a actual boy of your developmental age.

A boy like me can and does present in casual ways as any actual ten year old does with casual attire, sporty clothes but equally I do wear only short trousers often in a way that mirrors smart casual if not school uniform most of the time.

I'm not seen nor regarded as fully adult in the wider community, a literal adult but child even though I am respected very much for what I have done in adult roles within it and they have stepped up, looking out for me as that boy.

With that in mind the only posts on there will be just those that align to that which may include some vintage pictures of childhood but it won't be a blog of picture after picture of boys from the past.

The blog will be child friendly, being run by an adult child and careful when it comes to sources of reblogged images but won't be part of any formal age regression community even though it will be safe for them to reblog from.

It won't be as TSB was on the outset a ASB blog.

It's about time

While away I had been considering what to do about a problematic Tumblr account that is the home of one Tumblr blog which I like to have around for not being in one of those communities while following many of their own values.

Thing is, I want to have a Tumblr blog that does only have stuff on which is age appropriate for me and NO adults following who want to dump me into adult content and even illegal stuff but some of the ideas age regression communities have like thinking any images of children are traumatizing even when they may be like decades old and fit to be seen by children and family with permissions give albeit in the pre-internet age to be in publications and advertisements. 

That's because I want stuff in there that reminds me of my own boyhood in those eras because I love things that remind me of those days.

Because Tumblr had locked down the primary account in a dispute going back to changes in Tumblrs rules, I could not use or make a new Primary blog but things like the messaging, following and that were really messed up.

Unfortunately some people who associate anything around boyhood with sex seemed to flock to and circulate my posts that meant I spending ages removing followers and risking being associated with these people which were affecting my ability to reblog stuff too given the rules the sources use.

I have reached the conclusion that as time consuming it will be, moving by hand nearly all of those posts onto a newer 'clear' account is the only long term way to fix this problem and so I am working on that although it may take up to October to get it done and the old one paused given one problem with the account is actually I cannot delete it!.

This last weeks lesson

Last week I was away, the first time for absolutely ages and I have heard of people feeling that in some ways lockdown changed them cos so many old routines and contacts were broken and with them how they see themselves.

Regulars know how over the years I've been stepping out from other peoples mistaken ideas about me since this blog started and specifically the period I first joined ASB and had my first Tumblr account and lockdown with me saw the realization that I was not age regressing to cope with adult life as good as that is for some but in reality it was I was Age Dysphoric, a adult according to the law but in reality very much a child all of the time emotionally and functionally.

I decided to travel and arrive at where I was going to be just as the boy I remain with few concessions to the attitudes and norms of grown ups cos let's be honest I am not one. 

Travelling up through Preston I stopped as friend had some stuff to pick up on route as I got some interesting looks and a smile from l'd say was a the mother of a mid teen girl as she parked next to our car with me in uniform and pretty visible.

Walking around was fun meeting hikers in shorts but more the Chino or Khaki sorts rather than mine with blue turn over tops and green garter sashes showing, talking about the weather feeling more like a ten year old by with his minder at hand to answer anything groan up as my thighs got wet.

I played with games and took an Action Man with me together with the Beano Summer Special, this weeks regular Beano and The Phoenix.

The one thing the I'd take away from the experience was just feeling comfortable in my own skin as the "eternal boy" looking as I did without a care and that in accordance with my boyhood era, this time only wearing much shorter shorts complete with matching blazer and blue striped turn over socks looking every inch a little ten year old boy.

In so many ways I have ceased to have a external adult presence with that now aligning with how I truly am internally.

Christopher knows who is is now: A little boy of ten and nothing more and glad to be one

Light and Shade

The underpromoted blog is continuing this week even if I not in person to type it up the day before.

The week is special cos it's the first time in ages I have actually been away since most things stopped and being honest I don't know exactly what I think about that because our defaults changed so much even to the point where while our instinct was to flock to others you may of caught yourself seeing them as a threat to you.

It's likely to be more a low key, more restricted affair although notionally at least in England we can pretty much do anything that doesn't contradict someone elses rule or polite request.

 

It's more a opportunity to put a big more of a shining star in our lives, finding out a bit more of our ability to endure and move on from where we've been stuck since March last year.

That's been pretty much all I've been holding on to.

This life and how it is yours

I will be away next week so I'll need to decide what to do about an entry here and on the other blogs and if needs be set them to publish automatically.

I was out for a bit last week and a overheard conversation is something I feel talking about as it is relevant.

As some of you might know I had a career in Child Abuse prosecution so apart from former professional interest in keeping up with the latest guidance and research around the topic you could say I know a far bit about this.

Generally most research has shown the majority of children abuse in all forms tend to subject to it from within their own extended family and people who ordinarily children have contact with such as teachers, people in sports, scouting etc which is why we have safeguarding policies and procedures subject to inspection.

Strangers while having a potential to, play a small role in the overall scheme of things, certainly less than the "stranger danger" campaigns might suggest.

So to recap, the person likely to pose a risk probably looks like the average family man or woman.

I was going having a bit of time to kill in a small town park, admiring the gardens, watching the park staff out maintaining the grass, keeping myself pretty much to myself making no contact with any child as I became aware of man with what looked like a female partner following me.

I decided keeping a low profile probably was a good idea.

A few minutes later I hear his partner saying "and why are following them?" to which his reply is "They are wearing school uniform in a park and it's suspicious, like why would they?"

I had on at the time a red waterproof adults jacket, a grey pair of shorts that might well be associated with school, longish all grey socks but not turnover tops, hidden a blue adults piquet neck polo shirt and black children's shoes (cos well I am a child's fitting).

So only two items might meet his description at best but on his basis I'm so obvious, why hasn't it occurred to him I am hardly going do any thing on a very public setting especially when I not situated say by a swing but sat by a sensory garden for disabled people even if I was thinking interacting with a minor, which to avoid all doubts I most certainly would not?

It would be absolutely stupid to even try it and in my experience children can tell a adult 'playing' a child by looks from a child.

If you wanted to do that you'd be far better off dressing more like someone's Uncle or Dad with a t shirt and jeans on, blending in and there are very few cases of adults in any sort of school uniform caught making inappropriate contact with children.

I decided "bugger it" and just carried on as normal because I was doing nothing against either the law, a park by-law or causing a breach of the peace and challenging when he had not expressed those opinions directly to me or the public at large wasn't worth it.

Still it does show the stupidity of prejudice and the extent some feel it is their job to monitor others when they are not the police or park officials.

It's not putting me of being me cos there is nothing illegal or wrong with it.