On updates and stuff

 

Today is officially a very wet day having been woken up twice by it and with reports of torrential rain in nearby Biddulph so I'm half expecting to see more pictures of my brothers smallholding with flooded fields by days end.

This of course means I won't be going anywhere soon having been soaked just taking the recycling out ready for the refuse service tomorrow so it's a matter of getting things done that you can today and possibly into tomorrow.

One thing I've been working on is tidying up the main blog which goes all the way back to the earliest years of blogging which is something I tend to do from time to time for a variety of reasons such as having additional information or insights into a topic than at the time I made the post where there is otherwise little reason to make a new post.

These also include some music based entries where the actual records have changed over the years as either I have found better originals or as been the case in the last year or so, actually new superior so-called "audiophile" editions have come out and those old ones replaced entirely.

So the image and where appropriate the text gets altered with a suitable comment added to indicate the last update.

Another thing I try to do is correct spelling or the odd typo which as person with both dyxlexia and damaged paws that mean I don't always strike all the intended  keys or tremoring so a letter doubles which is frustrating to say the least.

It's about time

While away I had been considering what to do about a problematic Tumblr account that is the home of one Tumblr blog which I like to have around for not being in one of those communities while following many of their own values.

Thing is, I want to have a Tumblr blog that does only have stuff on which is age appropriate for me and NO adults following who want to dump me into adult content and even illegal stuff but some of the ideas age regression communities have like thinking any images of children are traumatizing even when they may be like decades old and fit to be seen by children and family with permissions give albeit in the pre-internet age to be in publications and advertisements. 

That's because I want stuff in there that reminds me of my own boyhood in those eras because I love things that remind me of those days.

Because Tumblr had locked down the primary account in a dispute going back to changes in Tumblrs rules, I could not use or make a new Primary blog but things like the messaging, following and that were really messed up.

Unfortunately some people who associate anything around boyhood with sex seemed to flock to and circulate my posts that meant I spending ages removing followers and risking being associated with these people which were affecting my ability to reblog stuff too given the rules the sources use.

I have reached the conclusion that as time consuming it will be, moving by hand nearly all of those posts onto a newer 'clear' account is the only long term way to fix this problem and so I am working on that although it may take up to October to get it done and the old one paused given one problem with the account is actually I cannot delete it!.

Some thoughts on me and this blog

Somethings do not remain the same either because they move away from you or you yourself on this road start to move on in your understanding of how this life and the stuff around you talk about changes.

Thus this blog has had a few changes although thanks to changes in the years with bloggers Theme Designer some elements of the graphic design can't be altered without remove much of what does work and much of that reflects the way I see myself.

I dislike with a passion alphabet soups of acronyms and frequent changes of terminology but as I explained last week Age Dysphoric and Age Dysphoria are better descriptors for what I am and what I feel and so a few bits of this blog have been rewritten to use those more accurate terms.

Being so-called "Normal" or at least masking it was heavily pushed by 'professionals', school and at the time embarrassed parents as they were into the Medical Model of Disability seeing me not just physically but developmentally in need of 'fixing' but my true nature always would surface apart from the vulnerabilities of having a child-like outlook in a hands off adult environment never quite seeing what was going on until it was too late.

It dawned on me that actually I could never be "normal" and it was more important to learn to accept me as I was, no longer feeling ashamed of being an 'eternal child' only dealing with anything adult that I could manage for myself, accepting my limits.

Rather than masking in effect that "eternal child" I accepted it working as best I could on being independent as that child of adult legal age and recognizing that societies problems with being who I am are theirs and certainly not mine.

I'd say embrace yourself as you are and work on being the best you you can be.

Sometimes you do encounter people who feel you need to be fixed, advocating programs to eliminate this whole side of you because this difference can cause issues but really that cannot change you and effectively are saying the only cure for other people to intimidating and bullying you  is you to become them.

I personally don't subscribe to the view that any one person is an expert in this life, never mind its leader so take a more allowing an individual to explore for themselves finding what works for how age dysphoria affects them rather than pushing an one size fits all agenda.

A leopard can change its spots

It is easy to get into a mindset of thinking about those things in  your life that may not be going so well or even into comparing how you are doing compared to others but that's a habit which so easily leads to you beating yourself up.

Like for instance we may only know of what another person really is doing from what it is they've shared with us which may well be selective, missing out any mess ups and only as they feel it is so really those comparisons may not be too accurate.

The other side of this is we may be understating our own abilities, using a very high baseline to judge them by or be so used to perceiving our failure that we automatically feel we have when maybe we've done okay really.

Looking over this week working out where the strategy for my Scouting based blog was going to be going into the new month brought some of that back not having on the outset the format and publishing structure would be. 

Let's say the absence of that usually gets me into tail spinning territory  as I stare into the blank page on my non Microsoft office suite so I type a few headings  and ideas down as I struggle with writing on paper these days.

Really, Chris  that boarding school boy, severely dyslexic actually manages to pull it off when he was feeling like walking the corridors thinking he'd failed!

I think the point here is I grew up so much with the idea I was no good at this that I came to believe it didn't matter  what I did or anyone said they could help me, that I couldn't change that outcome.

I changed the outcome cos I actually believed in it enough to do the work using techniques that I had learned and was prepared to spend my time on learning  and learning to trust people who were prepared to help me make those changes.

Preserving one's Tumblr legacy

This week I'm talking about Tumblr and the back ups I have them in event of things going awry.

This week I have been working across the Tumblr back ups working on Schoolboy Forever and That Traditional Schoolboy which are on Wordpress apart from Scouting and Me which is a side blog you can access from this  blog.

Each has a different start point and purpose in that starting with That Traditional School, it is in the main a secondary back up of my main Tumblr, the first being on 2mblr.com which at present doesn't allow fresh posting but does periodically update automatically.
As my Primary Tumblr, this isn't just reblogs of images, it has thinks such as links to the main long form blogger blog and many of the entries have commentary which is unique to me and that matters as a reflection of my thoughts and notes about past life.
Because 2mblr.com seems to running rather late in establishing the ability to make fresh posts so I can phase out the Tumblr with all the issues and politics that goes with it, the main reason I keep an update on Wordpress is because if the worst  comes to the worst on Tumblr and I'm banned or terminated, I can always post  on that until things resolve themselves.

Schoolboy Forever really was the first Wordpress blog I had being established a month later than the main Tumblr and fulfills a different function as The Traditional Schoolboy 2 as a tumblr was established as my main Tumblr had become a group blog having the odd guest posting but had lost the ability to send messages and asks so I needed something to that on and it was the case someone had an old Tumblr they were prepared to hand to me  and so it became mine.
Sadly that was wiped out in November last year so I ended up making a new version  and as within a month of that the changes around content and use of A.I systems were causing major problems, I decided as this had less entries than The Traditional Schoolboy on tumblr did by a large margin to prioritize backing that up on Wordpress while sorting out the importing of The Traditional Schoolboy to 2mblr.com first as there was more of a need to preserve it.
What the importing of That Traditional Schoolboy2 did in effect was to provide the content of the started but uncompleted Wordpress blog  and to manually transfer over most of the newer posts by hand but with a lot more commentary as I had more time to express my thoughts.
One area that has become more problematic on tumblr is both publication of pictures with sizable amounts of bare skin even if the posts are very much safe for work and anything around the role of spanking in age regressed adult little boy and specifically adult schoolboy lives.
This is an issue if like me it *is* part of your life even if you don't post all the time about and even keep posts sfw so it's a spot when I can not just restore as I did some of the posts that were lost with the changes in December but also to discuss openly the topic.

Scouting and Me really started the other way around with a load of issues on Tumblr I was fighting, I started to think about writing something less frequent around scouting, the connection cub scout had in my childhood and how channeling the spirit of being a cub scout was helping me.
I decided in the main to actually write more long form on blogger but using some images I had found on the likes of Tumblr expressing that and of the three that is so much a spiritual love letter between scouting and myself that I post over on to Tumblr.
It's really the third blog between the main That Uniformed Schoolboy which is the whole thing childhood pasts and present day adult little boy presents as that eternal ten year old boy and this That Traditional Schoolboy's Dorm which more around my feelings emotions talking also about spanking in my life as the reins have been handed back to the level I function best at.

Tumblr and being a Little Boy forever

Somethings change and somethings are changing  when it comes to me and how that works out in my online life and it's necessary driver my real one too.

To get a idea of what it is it means to be me we need to reexamine what was and for me an indication of it was the fact that a boy of nine and a half years is playing with seven year olds in the infant playground because he has not caught up with how his peers play and is unaware of how he appears to others.

He relies on the support of his class to make sense of what is going on, being told by them what to do and who appear to him to be older children even though he is the same age and he acts in less mature way for his age.

The same pattern repeats itself from when he moves to high school as a boarder every eighteen months or so as he's left behind as the younger boy of the same year group and age. 

The more 'adult' in build you get, the less acceptance you get for being Age Dyphoric you get although there's no cure for being the way we are.

I truly remain a Little Boy.

Earlier on in the year I decided to return to an all boy environment and give nature a second chance.

That has helped for encouraging me to express openly more masculine traits being in an environment that respects them as being an important and necessary part of who I am as I cut away from anything overly feminine
.
I have had a great week for feeling more confident and comfortable in my own skin just acting on my own inner male feelings while taking over a Tumblr and establishing TSB 2 as the group tumblr doesn't allow me any one to one communication.

The role of this blog

The special edition where we're looking back to  why and what this blog is for and about.
When it comes to blogging, people have many different reasons for doing so which is often connected to the purpose of the actual blog and part of last years activity wasn't just about establishing a adult little boy set of blogs but also about exactly how each one relates to each other.
I would say the main purpose of this blog is is to talk though trends in how I am feeling and how my interactions are going so I get a clearer picture of what is on my mind and the reason behind sharing this is because other people may be going through similar episodes in their lives and the ways in which it is dealt with.
The  final element of this is to help spread awareness of the needs of people like me who all to often fall through the twilight  gap of being legally adult but having many of the characteristics and issues of typically older children which has its upside -even if I could wave a magic wand and fix it, I'm not so sure I'd want to- and its downsides whose parallels are linked by being developmental more child-like.
Just about the easiest thing to do in terms of popularity would be to push a whole correction to endless cycle infraction, lines and a spanking side as believe you me their are lots of people who'd merry live their own fantasies through you totally missing the point which is it is the last resort when reasoning doesn't work and for me and those who look after me there's nothing remotely kinky in this.
We're just trying to work with my attitudes and behaviours to bring about more permanent changes for the better by one to one guidance, modelling for the most part but with the agreed sanctions if I breach our agreed standards of behaviour expected of me rather than looking for an 'excuse' to spank.
When this blog was first envisaged, it was more about a place let off steam, talk through what was on my mind and talk about how my behaviour is dealt with rather than just a weekly run  of incidents and consequences.

The synchronization of That Traditional Schoolboy's Dorm to That Uniformed Schoolboy

One thing I have never denied is my whole notion of how I am is about being a school aged child because for me unlike perhaps some, it was the time when in certain respects I stopped developing as the world surrounding me continued and moved on.

It isn't and not need not be limited to a recreation of being a school child in a uniform, studying but may involve the life beyond school such as playing either in or out of doors in what we saw at the time as our play clothes that were different to our school uniforms or best clothes we'd go family and other important gatherings in.

That said a return on being sat at a desk in that uniform we wore is an element of it I do love and always loved even at the times other issues in my life seemed to take centrestage and that's why we ended up with two blogs this year.

In making both blogs I have put a new common personal image on the about pages of both That Uniformed Schoolboy which is more a slice of life blog around the life style of a age dysphoric middle/little as lived by me and this one to better connect the two because that very person I have those interests and adventures who in the flow of which I experience emotions, am overseen and has his bottom spanked as needed.

I always like super heroes be they on tv or in comic book form for their adventure, drama and to be honest sense of machismo.

I even acted it out  with my own capes and that

This age dysphoric life is seamless for me as lived and only split across two blogs to give a better focus and indeed some entries like this weeks are directly linked and it's that I'm working on.

To me though my liking of cute things, my very tactile nature and strong emotional feelings are more about a important part of how I see and feel me and nothing to do with what sex I am.

There are many caring, nurturing roles that males do play a vital part in such as careworkers of which I had a few male ones growing up and actually they fact they could talk to me me man to boy was a godsend because you can't easily teach what it means to be a boy to someone as it's something you need to experience and knowing that helps.

Caring people know  a little boy like me who is run down lacking energy gets factious and will cry.

They also know to help me get that back restores that inner peace, aren't apposed to hugging me and giving me a soft to cuddle up to.

So liking cute things and caring are attributes that belong in boyhood and ought to respected as much a the physical, more masculine and mental resilience.