The synchronization of That Traditional Schoolboy's Dorm to That Uniformed Schoolboy

One thing I have never denied is my whole notion of how I am is about being a school aged child because for me unlike perhaps some, it was the time when in certain respects I stopped developing as the world surrounding me continued and moved on.

It isn't and not need not be limited to a recreation of being a school child in a uniform, studying but may involve the life beyond school such as playing either in or out of doors in what we saw at the time as our play clothes that were different to our school uniforms or best clothes we'd go family and other important gatherings in.

That said a return on being sat at a desk in that uniform we wore is an element of it I do love and always loved even at the times other issues in my life seemed to take centrestage and that's why we ended up with two blogs this year.

In making both blogs I have put a new common personal image on the about pages of both That Uniformed Schoolboy which is more a slice of life blog around the life style of a age dysphoric middle/little as lived by me and this one to better connect the two because that very person I have those interests and adventures who in the flow of which I experience emotions, am overseen and has his bottom spanked as needed.

I always like super heroes be they on tv or in comic book form for their adventure, drama and to be honest sense of machismo.

I even acted it out  with my own capes and that

This age dysphoric life is seamless for me as lived and only split across two blogs to give a better focus and indeed some entries like this weeks are directly linked and it's that I'm working on.

To me though my liking of cute things, my very tactile nature and strong emotional feelings are more about a important part of how I see and feel me and nothing to do with what sex I am.

There are many caring, nurturing roles that males do play a vital part in such as careworkers of which I had a few male ones growing up and actually they fact they could talk to me me man to boy was a godsend because you can't easily teach what it means to be a boy to someone as it's something you need to experience and knowing that helps.

Caring people know  a little boy like me who is run down lacking energy gets factious and will cry.

They also know to help me get that back restores that inner peace, aren't apposed to hugging me and giving me a soft to cuddle up to.

So liking cute things and caring are attributes that belong in boyhood and ought to respected as much a the physical, more masculine and mental resilience. 

Making Babysteps to recovery II

I started earlier on talking about how I started to realize the drip fed doubts and anti male attitudes people pushed at me were making me feel really off inside with some even trying to push me toward gender variance and how that just didn't sit with me .

One of things I said was I was going to return to the way I presented the last time I felt good about being male and ditch androgynous looks which I am doing while trying to talk with other males about my own past, looking when we get down to it my experiences and interests just might be the same ball park.

I have had my hair cut and restyled to a more austere boys only form so I'm more obviously male from it's much longer shoulder length style the it was in the days when I sat as a boy in the Barber's chair.

I started when writing  recently to look at what the adolescent me was like left just to the company of boys and it become obvious part of why I felt good during that era is wrapped around libido because we all were sexual: it didn't matter if you acted upon it, we all had our fantasies.

Adolescent boys are sexual because we have what adult males have running through us and just as developed. Girls checked me out and wolf whistled me even out at weekends what kind of embarrassed dad when I was with him.

There's a song by the rock group The Who called Pictures of Lily where a boy growing out of younger fascinations struggles to sleep so his Dad puts up pictures of some 20's Edwardian flapper girl to help him get to sleep.
The boy finds he's in love her.

Part of this whole malaise it seemed to me was connected around disconnection between innate lidido and those attitudes others had thrust upon me.

I came around to the conclusion part of the cure has to start by going back to what I now recalled about the adolescent me and to put up tasteful pictures of females that while not being naked did show their curvaceous features.

It also means that part from going back to being that boy in his t shirt and shorts in order to feel better I need to let myself be him 

To get better I need to accept and act upon having sexuality as apart of whole me.

Making Babysteps to recovery

To make a real recovery you need to go back to the point things started to go adrift and for me it was really around about thirteen.

In the ideal world I'd of been in middle school, who would of understood for my increasing sophistication when it came to interests fundamentally I was more a advanced junior rather than an mini adult.

You might understand sex appeal but you're not thinking along sexual lines in the way those over fourteen often are having the same sorts of needs as say a ten or eleven year old.

Heck I was still playing very much in the manner of one even as my peers where I lived moved on, still having adventures with action man and playing with my lego sets.

I was still very much tactile and  given to emotions.

Just acting older and blocking out my real needs such as play, reading more junior fiction and having adventures did me no good.

Ungrowing and being more a mature Boy really is of more use to someone like me.

A boys adventure playground

I know here!

This so could easily of been us as kids not least it was in our County and our part of it too which I will say and like all us up here love for the mixture of small towns, villages and the large built up urban core of it because it has everything from parks, museums, libraries and lots of open countryside to explore on two wheels on on foot with some of the most stunning landscapes one could imagine and  I might add steam trains too both here in the north and also at Chasetown in the south

Going through the narrow footpaths and rights of way exploring the countryside having fun, we looked great in our short shorts like the boys we were.

Little boys play soccer

A boy is I feel more than any one presentation and an adult little boy, the male age regressed version just the same because if he was anything like those boys I grew up with he was sporty and not just academic.
We played mainly association football aka Soccer both as an improvised on spare grass or even a quiet street kickabout making goals from coats piled up in our regular play clothes to wearing a actual football strip although ours was not an era hung up on expensive replica strips that is an issue for bio-kids and their parents today.
We were a strip because we saw ourselves at that point having a game more by the rules and although it wasn't our word for it in a way we were going about things in a more professional way.
The other way was a organized match which was certainly the case at school as every boy who could just about walk played as it was the Autumn/Winter team sport for boys or if you played 'lads and dads' on Sundays after Saturday team soccer which as the name suggested was run by grown ups for us to play, learn more about our game and have fun. 
It wasn't unknown for us to wear our strips even if we were not playing.

Helping when I struggle

Although a good number of posts this year have of necessity dealt with I am being disciplined, it would be a big mistake to thing that was all my age regressed side is about or even all that happens in my relationships with people.

As a little/middle with my disabilities, I have a huge need to be reassured which involves carrying reassuring items about with me so you might see me about clutching a teddy or dolly going from room to room.

As well, although I love playing, I can struggle to start playing with you cos I cannot get the right words out to say I want to play with you instead just freezing over so you may need to help me with this, creating a space you encourage me to fill so I do what I love doing and it's better for all of us.

That's what being me involves.

L is for little

After last months entry I saw this and feel it's time to be more open about certain things.

I AM a little, I AM bratty at times that's cos I'm needing someone else to direct me. I DO dress and  speak in a more childlike manner although for me some of this has medical reasons and DO find this dynamic  comforting although for me there's nothing sexual going on.

A return to the headspace of the one I had at this age is so much better for me.

When you do more things like this as that age regressed boy.