Summer changes

We will know soon enough about what is actually going to happen over the summer as at the time of typing this there is much discussion although it seems most likely to be delayed until early July at the very least.

This does complicate things because I was rather hoping to get away given it's been near enough sixteen months since I was able to stay overnight somewhere and just explore never mind be with friends.

It's the uncertainty that's the killer really, not being able to make plans or if you do you find they can't happen.

The one thing from all this really is just rolling back to a children's role so much just living in the moment, doing what you're told and playing anyhow through it all letting all the deep thought and analysis pass me by.

It makes things easier to cope with cos you're just going with it is not that isn't stressful but you're not so focussed on it cos we can enough even if there are limits around contacts and I won't be going back to where I was because losing adult status and roles has been the one gain for me.

People look out for me, I do what they say now and  it works out better.

 

Be you, not a label

 

Recently I was reading a post by a person who was born as and had seen herself as a female but had started to think she wasn't really all that feminine and might be non-binary but then started to say they didn't identify with the they/them pronouns but felt she needed something to indicate difference.

The first thing is what she is talking about isn't actually sex and how that affects you biologically, she did say she had no issues with her body, but really more about gender the roles and the way people relate to you socially.

Gender as I understand it, is very much a social construct albeit one that is linked in to sex ultimately and how and what is seen as stereotypical and usually such accepted behaviours does vary over time.

You can have some traits that may be more associated with one sex without that meaning you identify as the other sex in which instance the thing you are looking at is more acceptance of difference so you have no real need to announce any change of gender or plan on changing the appearance of your body.

My own experiences lead me to feel we put too much emphasis on looking at defining to the nth degree gender traits to mark up the least differences from the normal forgetting within all of that exists personal variation.

Instead more time could be spent on celebrating what makes us ourselves within our sex and the variety within our gender such as it is.

Don't fear your shadow, be confident in it knowing you are being the male or female you are however you show that.

Retumbled again

 

Last week was a bit messed up for issues at Tumblr that yet again came down to not this time thank goodness actually having an account removed but rather a concerted attempt I spotted by a cohort of age regressors on Tumblr to having made invidious accusations with threatening phrasing and even multiple usage of the 'f' word based entirely on misunderstanding around a person to whom I felt frankly very let down by.

The daftest thing about it was what I blogged from them were picture of historic houses, events and tourism often with great detail about each one but it was more what they were involved around with other tumblrs that had caused this.

The only reason I reblogged from them was that I was getting tired of reblogging past schoolboys images getting on for around fourty odd years ago and wanted to move away from that.

Unfortunately rather like topsy the drama just grew and grew with me being told I'd altered my url to that a completely different person.

I decided that this needed dealing with and so I made a new account having terminated the one that would be without any and all of the history of both that person whose account was terminated and other followers who showed clear signs of viewing children as sexual objects.

Given that in all honesty the only tumblr that actually mattered was one used mainly for stuff most regressors would post such as cute boyish things, toys and the like and as someone who has age dysphoria lives in the space where all of this is where we are at I'd start all over again.

That meant dealing with the reality that much of what I'd like to reblog comes from those age regression communities who rules whatever one thinks of them you are going to have to shadow are just going to have to be followed.

This appears to have caused some tension between another person  who I liked a lot who'd been more or less told the same after some drama of their own and their friend as while I was discussing this seems to have thrown the block switch.

One way of looking at this is while I feel upset about that I shouldn't feel I should be under the shadow of another boy but taking up my own ball, doing what I feel is necessary as it appears only when I mentioned about the reddit I chat on did this happen.

I did have another totally separate account that like his also had often vintage pictures of boys around the sort of age I remain mentally on tumblr although they were not a mainstay by any means of it so apart from removing some 270 odd pictures from the person who had let me down, I did ensure nothing from those tumblrs who seem to have a fixation more routed in kinks/bdsm were either following because some of their comments were sexual on reblogs and removing from following as simply when your blog is just like that apart from my feelings about sexualization of children, you do have to ask yourself the question "and why would you follow them anyway"?

For me a lesson learned is regardless of what I might blog and what even the images may be, you will be judged upon who they are and so you need double check who you follow and remove anything that will comeback to you even if you were the innocent party.

On tumblr at least some communities are just incompatible

Emotions

The week after I had my second inoculation and have been resting a little although they were less than the first with me, I thought after a few years I'd write a reflective piece about a particularly inspired Disney movie.

 

One of the great things about the Disney movie Inside Out was how it showed the emotions Riley experienced clearly and how that impacted on her attitude and behaviour clearly identifying them

Identifying our emotions is actually quite hard for some of us which does lead into other problem areas such as being able to tell people how we feel and also regulate them as it's as if you have two states, full on or squashed.

 *Picture source vox.com

Actually although this chart was done for the movie, it is surprisingly helpful for those of who have these problems because you can easily tell where the overlapping of base emotions  lead  as they are clearly labelled so you can better thing through for yourself what you're feeling and communicate it to significant people in your life so they understand what you're feeling being better able to guide you managing the resulting emotions and behaviour you exhibit.

Learning to manage them is important in boyhood and sometimes we go off the rails somewhat.

The Tumblr Police

 If you thought Tumblr management were the only kind of body you have to watch on Tumblr, you couldn't be more wrong.

In recent years various groups of "True Believers" have stalked the Age Regression communities making lists of peoples Tumblrs they feel violated their rules even if they never said they were in any way a member of such a community who HAD agreed to follow them.

It always used to be the Porn Blogs that acted in concert with groups of minors in Age Regression but these days any group just do.

First things first I'm Age Dysphoric and I don't care to see sexualized content either but some of these self appointed groups take issue with perfectly safe commercially acceptable pictures of boys often from the past saying because the person who could now be over 40 hadn't given consent in era pictures were often taken and published in newspapers, magazines and other publications because "they trigger my childhood trauma" and everyone must be protected from it.

Some people post them because it reminds them of their own pasts, how they looked maybe even how they visualize themselves today.

There *can* be an issue if one adds sexual or other inappropriate commentary to them but without that they are lawful and safe for anyone to view.

Secondly they act as a record of historical fact as to what and how childhood was.

Or they take issue with one reblogged text based post from somebody else saying it's not accurate and could be harmful to minors possibly.

They then mass reblog blocklists to make everyone block them.

The second thing is having convicted you of breaching their rules on your own blog, they then proceed to have cancelled any other blogs of yours by placing those on a blocklist regardless of content so a blog that literally comprise of stuffed toys of a collectable kind are now linked on a list with really NSFW material in effect saying because they take issue with one of your blogs, everyone should cancel them all and shun you

If you didn't agree to join a group with rules but gained people who may be minors who did  following you why should you have to alter what you post in case it offends and in any event tumblr lets them view your account with no restrictions?

I'm just tired of all this policing going on that also includes if you fail to support BLM, all 100 and counting genders and every social media backed cause when all I want to is post about how it is to be me and the world I loved.

Being a looked after Adult Child

 

The way that we are, they manner in which our actual developmental age is poses questions that I feel like exploring this week in connection with how we connect with the spaces we share with people whose chronological age we have in common.

To me the tendency to ignore 'mental age' progression with very limited acceptance of how that leaves you leads to whole array of social problems so one of the first things that needs to happen is support services need to spend more time identifying mental age development to devise better ways of handling the existence of people like me who are functionally children and who struggle in adult settings.

A more modern issue is how modern social media deals with us as users.

In the past everything we may of thought we wanted involved going through somebody usually a grown up with some authority like a shop keeper or membership person for a club who could reject our request or deny access to any or all parts of it based on our age or how 'mature' we were.

Social media online is different. A few mouse clicks to say you're over 18 or just enter your date of birth  (or make one up as does happen) and you get full access to any and all groups and unrestricted access to messaging.

'X' applied recently to be a member of a Facebook group but wrote in their details that they identified as 14 year old being age dysphoric and were declined on the basis it was age inappropriate for them to to belong by a moderator.

Personally I feel to have accepted your developmental age accepted and validated by a responsible adult in that way was quite encouraging simply because we can be otherwise in situations we are unable cope with leaving us vulnerable and easily exploited.

I was deliberately shielded from some aspects of school social life by the Mr.Evans, Head of Sixth Form with teachers prepared to intervene for those very reasons.

To me, If we 'identify' as a minor - and many of us do because of how our development has left us  - then it is only right that they treat us like minors including banning us from adult content sites or sub groups because it IS age inappropriate.

I don't think I'm talking out of turn to say having to dodge such content is something we do find upsetting when people post it in our spaces on various sites such as Tumblr so to have someone care enough to ensure we don't see it is just fantastic.

If I cannot barr as a matter of course such groups online I think the operators should do that for me giving me the protections of a actual child onsite and any access to site moderators or counsellors to both help me manage my account and to get quick assistance with any situation I cannot cope with without help.

I would have to forgo any adult privileges in doing so but frankly that would make more sense. 

On restoration

This week has seen the turning of 1,800 and 1,300 posts respectively on the restored TSB and TSB 2 tumblrs after last years shenanigans that wiped out the originals from April and July of 2018 when I first arrived there.

This week is one that for us has a holiday and so no doubt I will be outside making the most of the weather in the way that we always used to cos it was (and is) a day off from school when you go out with your mates to play only returning if you needed to go home for dinner wither or not you you all played footie or we were playing adventure games often with a war theme.

Without sounding disrespectful, I'd sooner do that than much on Tumblr cos so many blogs just come and go that I rather have adventures not least as I'm not always well and again when you think of it, as boys we just did things rather than being wrapped up in documenting them.

In that time from the very first Tumblr somethings have changed although much of the posts and that around them have gone of which the biggest one is being stable and confident with being that little boy in grey short trousers, knowing who he is even the things around me have changed over the years.

She understood it well as that boy it the time I encountered The Little House on the Prairie we did too and in accepting I am still that little boy keeping with the unchanging truths of life, free from the unneeded sophistication and  attempts to twist things for adult ends to remain so is a blessing for me.

From enjoying the simple pleasures of play to that of the splendour of nature such things are of real emotional benefit to me.

Every time I see a train especially a steam train, the boy always comes out in me, cos in truth he's there, he's happy amongst the sounds, smell, sight of trains and the old ways like in this picture of the Talyllyn Railway which I went on in the 1970's.

*Post inspired from Tumblr circa dec 2018-April 2019.