Cutting loose

Sometimes this blog has entries that are more stream of whatever is on my mind and on other occasions it can be more of a planned piece based certain themes I'd done some research and carefully thought through.

This week I've been dealing with things from the past that required me to make some clear cut decisions over because the 'malaise' I had been suffering from for a number of years had left some unresolved issues.

One was I had at one point been pushed toward more feminine gender expression by people who believed some of my rootlessness was routed having some interests that were more common in females and encouraged me to be more feminine.

That had included having a notebook that went back several years where I was to document all of this but in the last two years I had began to realize this wasn't really helping because I never had a desire to be female being quite happy being a male and in doing so actually by taking me away from what I was more comfortable with, it was leaving me more in gender limbo. 

Far from being misassigned at birth to use the current trans phrase upon coming out of the womb I had been sexed correctly for the penis and testicles I entered the world with.

Whenever I was called a he, a him a boy, a male or man I was not being misgendered, I was being  sexed correctly by society because I wasn't born in the wrong body as some had tried to get me to accept but born already in my true body and they were affirming it.

Sometimes you may wonder if it's more like making a whole new persona to have a restart when you can only change the external appearance within limits and not really the biology or true sex.

The period I spent in specifically ASB/ASG regression back in a all male gender group had enabled me to strip back a lot of those false assumptions as I explored more of my past  and moreover had shown I was increasingly more confident just being a masculine boy even with the odd different interest accepting the rough and tumble world of masculine boys.

I had parked it for quite a period, not knowing really what to do with it but after several months where I'd only glimpsed at it once a month and after talking with Edward about how I had been feeling not least how I felt seeing such content, I decided to ditch it completely.

From around the same era  I had an account at a music forum which under the same influence had a more feminine feel to it either though technically it was gender neutral on that tick box that was troubling me to the point I was reluctant to post  often on it because I felt that person wasn't really me.

I decided to give it a male makeover starting by marking myself down as a male once and for all, changing the obviously girlie avatar for that of a boy, putting "Just A Boy" in the custom title box and re-writing the about bit to make an oblique reference to living in ALB/ASG life with a picture of boys playing with Meccano.

In the week that I have been wearing sports tops and shorts out looking every inch the boy I am and obviously male, I decided to honour my gender by ditching something it simply wasn't and openly acknowledging on one account what I am.

Regendering therapy for me is the best thing that has happened, reconnecting my feelings, emotions and sense of self to my innate masculinity that has room for my needs.

I am no longer prepared to deny, hide or draw a veil over my real gender  but will assert it from now on.

Masculine hygiene

After last weeks provocative entry and some related posts on Tumblr a few people looked at vintage advertisements remarking on how in a changed environment many wouldn't even get published not for anything to do with misleading or false claims something that in this country the Advertising Standards Authority (A.S.A.) deal with but more because of certain attitudes.

It's worth talking about what being male means in  terms of male hygiene because even when I was growing up  it wasn't unknown for some to regarding keeping yourself clean as effeminate behaviour.
Irrespective of contemporary attitudes as boys and men, we're active, we play ball games, rough and tough on the grass, we climb trees and explore holes for the fun of it which means we get dirty and work up a sweat that makes us smell of body odour.
We have no right to inflect that smell and dirt on others so it is our responsibility to remove germ spreading dirt from our bodies and to make ourselves smell and feel fresh so we need to wash and shower ourselves all over as responsible boys and men whenever we get like this.
To do that isn't to be 'sissy'.
We need to use a good soothing soap with a neutral smell that having removed the stale smell of body odour from our bodies leaves us smelling fresh free from anything unnecessary.
We wash in brisk efficient tough way to get the job done and we certainly don't linger for ages in baths taking in flowery smells.
Soups like Lifebouy or Imperial Leather are the best ones for us as our skin Ph factor is actually different compared with females.
No self respecting male should give any countenance to the idea of using flower scented soaps or agents in the bath water never mind the use of thing like Bath Balls as that is just such a feminine indulgence because quite simply if you do loving it you're a namby-pandy sissy femme pansy who really wants to live as girlie girls do.
We wash and keep ourselves clean the masculine way which right for us.

A call to arms

Another day attempting to stay alive in the Manosphere in spite of everything

One thing that really pisses me off on Tumblr is how it is the advertising and features are aimed very much at 'females' wither or not they stick the word boy or girl in with it as if no one who could be described as being male is allowed to exist like it is only a female space and yet they talk so much about being inclusive and supporting gender equality.

You cannot opt out of this advertising  which often has a extreme feminist anti male agenda running through it and to complain about how it's just not scientifically correct to refer to over 75 'genders' some of which are inter species for good measure publically risks having your posts removed or accounts terminated even though they may refer to masculinity as toxic with impunity.

Put it this way, as a person who age regresses for reasons of trauma as well as cognitive issues affecting development, I am exploring and working with my boyhood past channelling  my buried maleness reengaging with it.

I am reading and doing colouring things that are clearly for and about boys and our expression of what it means to be one and asserting my Balls confronting the crap that is being thrust at us.

I KNOW WHAT I AM - AN EFFING BOY - AND I WON'T DENY WHAT MY REAL GENDER IS TO MYSELF OR IN THE PRESENCE OF OTHERS. 

Hard wiring

Seeing there's a bit of time this weekend I might as well use it in connexion with this blog.

This picture taken at the Armed Forces day at the Coldstream Guards says something that while some in society may feel uncomfortable with nontheless has to be which is boys gravitate to what they see as stereotypical interests no matter how much challenging of them they may attempt.

I played with soldiers inventing conflicts using all the weaponry we had even though my Mom thought I was more delicate with quite some aggression.

While I'm for respecting individuals, face it, most boys are hard-wired to playing soldiers, do gravitate to men who are soldiers wanting to be them learning from them how to be the men we will be become.

Thus it's hardly surprising this boy is wearing a camouflage hat and enjoying handling a weapon.
We should be just left to pursue our own genders interests.   

Going back for good

After much activity at my site and on tumblrs, you may well say and what's really left to say but you'd be pretty much wrong.

To me this is how I see my life now, that is the not inconsiderable instability politically over here reminded me of why it was I left that side of my life several years back which was it was taking its toll on me mentally apart from the problem area of dealing with adults when in so many ways I am really a child who lacks those skills and that awareness.
A person, let's call them X, knows me from that period and does things in the wider community here has noticed me out wearing my very much schoolboyish outfit not least the grey shorts and long socks asking what's that about?
To be honest I don't even obliged to answer such a question although it's bloomin' obvious which is I've given up any pretense of adulthood short of tax statements, social insurance payments for my real life disabilities and the like because it doesn't really fit me.
Let's rephrase that: It could not fit me because that is a stage in my personal development that I cannot and have not reached and so in all other respects remain a child, that child which if it were any other would of  been a adult and happy as such.
That world is not one I can cope with, moreover I never asked to have those things because those things and an 'adult' status do not offer me anything I truly can use so I'm handing back as much as that unwanted status as I can  while presenting myself as the juvenile male I am instead.
At least I'll get treated by my emotional and developmental age more. 

Staying awake

A few days back at one were talking a little around past childhoods, what they were like  as school boys and girls and the differences between today and our pasts.

As some remarked in our day you were expected to give nothing less than 100% attention to the subject in hand or you'd be in for a rude awakening that was for sure.
A not uncommon situation that would arise when someone would appear to be asleep  back then would the board rubber typically a wooden black with a felt base for removing chalk off the board would go flying through the landing somewhere near you if not on you.
You would soon wake up often in time for a more severe punishment for it.
This boy sure know all about his dozing off during the lesson all right.
As well I also got talking with a number of others about what this whole adult little boy was about and what matters within it.

On being LB

Sometimes I see similar banners and the like on Tumblr which as you probably would of gathered is a place that I do hold very mixed thoughts over such as it was the first place I saw a adult little boy/adult schoolboy  community as when you look around it's almost a pink only zone of adult female littles of various kinds, some more aligned to bdsm and kink and others not being pretty much exclusively regression centred.

I say that having looked a blogs, old school community focused websites as well as multi-purpose social media.
It's good that on Tumblr there is such a thing as "Boy Regression" although like everything regression there there's a divide between regression purists and those who while being very much against sexualizing being little and the regressive space feel you can't ignore some my have outside of that space romantic feelings or age appropriate sexual relationships that outside of that regressed place some may like.
Like I think we all can recall in our teens going from platonic friendships with some people to those with more romantic or other aspects but we knew the lines we shouldn't cross and being a teen is part of childhood but you'd never have one with an adult (and they should know better).
I think the purists whatever may of happened in their own loves are just cutting out what traumatizes them which is fine for themselves (although they may need therapy to enable themselves to have more mature kinds of relationships) but are projecting a barrier at all others shaming them in the process.
Being a (adult) little boy is "valid" because we are in the mind set of our younger little boys selves from which we revert to the feelings emotions and sensations we loved as that little boy.
Unlike some in the more Adult Schoolboy side I don't feel it's all around what you wear as the little boy although you may get more from looking like him which is something I discovered very much at the start of this  many years ago but more it's the extent you 'become' him all over again as you act from your little side playing or perhaps studying that's the measure of it.
It's that being that counts and that sure is Valid.