Getting your masculine mojo back

Getting your mojo back can be a problem not lest if you've had the kind of background I have had but there are a number of things I find can help with it so you feel more the masculine boy you are.

One of the first things is to reduce the gap between what you think and what you do. As males we're a mixture of the innate and the cerebral where we do have the ability to take control of our thoughts and behaviours so it makes sense to ensure they are connected to identifiable end.

Be sure you know what the intended outcome of your actions are and start from there.

Integrity matters and not just for the other person so it makes sense to live with them, honour your commitments, make a task list, completing it.

The key to it is to do what you said you were going to being true to your own word.

Finally work on building up your courage which can appear to a hard task in a risk averse society like ours. Challenge yourself whither that's something connected with endurance or say learning a practising a new hobby or interest.

Don't go with the easy familiar option following the escalator everyone else uses  and learn to become more comfortable with being out of your comfort zone, trying something new.

Growing up Chris

One of the things I do struggle with is face to face interaction not least opening up a conversation with people cos I get so super nervous I just freeze over or not have the conversation I had intended in my head.
So it was actually pretty good I managed to start one with my second best friend this weekend talking to her about her life, her studying animation while listening and even making eye contact with is something I've had feedback on before now as I find that...so oppressive ordinarily.
Like I can recall this being brought up in a staff review looking at client interaction several years back in what was generally a excellent review as a potential barrier to communication.
I also found the work I have being doing over the last five weeks or so on putting together a PT routine for me paid of well but with unlike last time being able to get across the from the rail station to a bus interchange without getting out of breath propelling my wheeled suitcase and bags and also while i have difficulty with steps and uneven surfaces I was able to keep up with the group as we walked through woodland and canal tow paths for a good mile or so to where we were eating without breaking out into a deep sweat or struggling at the back.
That for me is really good going.
I also did co-operate fully, helping out with preparing the evening meal two other guests consumed on the Friday and baking the sponge cake for the Party without a murmur of discontent even when I had to make another sponge as one of my haves didn't quite take in the oven.
Changing my attitudes around looking after my needs and also contributing, being expected  help out has not been easy given my past but with a lot of encourage to help and the preparedness of people to strictly discipline me over it, I am starting to develop more of a sense of self discipline to help me be more mature in that way even with the oh so real limitations in other respects.
I did great this weekend.

Attitude audit

Well, I'm going to be off in a couple of days time spending regressed time with others so I have tried super hard this time to get most of these posts written up ready.
Today's is a bit different in that it's about my social skills and attitudes which are more of an issue when I'm naturally with people rather than say on my own and how far I've come on.

Until I heard of the expression "self sabotage" from my second best friend some years back I was never real able to explain how it while I believed in the ideal inevitable I'd end up up just enough to scrap through at best and often set out on line that would result in doing worse than I can by not preparing properly, not making a plan and just allowing myself to be distracted from what it is wanted to do for something more enjoyable or less effort.
Part of this was the belief that because I struggle though my disabilities with things then I could only fail so why even bother especially when few peopled cared if did try.

This is one I'm pretty good at and do take shoes off or change to slippers when I visit people even though I wasn't raised at home to.

I'm pretty good at this, not being inclined to enter into gossip sharing sessions with people or otherwise dish things up to people.

 More often than not I'll go help somebody struggling but have struggled with the idea of helping as in contributing to something by giving my time and effort but is something that is being worked on.

You may of heard of yo-yo dieting  but I've tended to be yo-you over taking exercise from my mid teens onwards, never looking cool and always wanting to do things involving being still to the exclusion of anything physical.
It may not help having a physical disability but not undertaking exercise of any form make that worse for me. I have been exercising for about forty minutes to an hour in sessions after thing about from clothes feeling a bit tight I was struggling with walking even short distances which does seem to be helping.

 Another not good at although I am currently eating banana's and apples daily preferring chocolate caramel bars.

This is one I have always struggled with generally because of issues in  our family history, what from my point of view I see as their reluctance when young to be actively involved in raising me, issues with them over gender identity, refusing to accept professional opinion when it came to disability diagnosis's, lack of support in my learning to the point of ignoring poor work and calls to attend meetings to discuss and so on.
One affect of this is I had developed a disrespect for adult authority, a switched offness  to any engagement and don't take advice well.

Generally I'm pretty good at being helpful, properly empathize more being left out deliberately by groups for gender or disability reasons

I'm pretty good over personal hygiene such as covering my nose when sneezing and washing my hands before eating and cooking even when after allowing myself to be distracted even if that adds to my being late.

We  should put an X through boy and replace by girl and usually I'm on the edge of talking back usually as a defense mechanism to brush them away lest they hurt me and my feelings which hasn't been helped in the past for seeing other people as having the same exact authority and non OVER me.
It also didn't help that those I was with believed in letting me try to control OVER them as a way of coping with MY needs.

More often than not I do clean them, mind you with anything to hand such as screwdriver blades etc and always scrub them after handling anything they may of sank into.

 I'm usually pretty good over respecting other peoples space or property as a rule

For a long time I tended to switch from being a wall flower, feeling very awkward socially to doing something that was bound to grab attention even if it either put me in physical danger, made other people unhappy or worried. I didn't care so long as you couldn't ignore me  and I feel that sense of being ignored rather encouraged it rather than being helped to have a role people could learn to value and perhaps I might value  what I could add too

I've been generally bad over this tending to be caught up more in the moment being with someone or doing something I feel compelled to continue on with not helped by feeling at times that you should fit more around what I'm doing.

 As a former politician arguing for the sake of it was a stock in trade  even when in practical terms it made little difference and caused more issues than it solved.

I'm pretty good over borrowing you know. Like  returns stuff prompt looking after it super carefully

Still a difficult one as I tend to dump and run, never really making time to put things away in any real order and when people move them getting super annoyed with them soon moving to argument not being prepared to back down

I like to drink milk put the people I live with seem to think I prefer tea. I don't as it's just role playing an adult if ask for tea and I like cookies with me milk instead.

If anything my problem is less around taking more than I need to claim it for me so much as being a  poor and at times fussy eater with genuine restrictions on diet too with intolerances and allergies.

As having read this you can see there is much when comes my attitudes and that I do struggle with which is why rather late in the day I'm getting a lot more targeted  help at them as in many respects I really should of learnt and moved on from many of these eons ago and why if I'm with you it helps if you try to hold me more to account so I do change and those that have become more second nature to me.

Getting it straight

The week here so far hasn't been particular stressful just writing my blog and reading a few Tumblrs, not that I have as yet as my experiences elsewhere online haven't been good.
One thing I do wish to comment upon is that really there are only boys and girls when it comes to genders not the multitude some seem to put about and that also does NOT include cross-species genders such as fawngender.

You may have a few atypical likes for your gender which is well within the norm but you remain still either a boy or a girl because no amount of fancy titling, hormones or attempts at altering the appearance of your sex organs alters the fact your internal wiring is and remains that of your real gender.

As we grow up we need to learn male skills like how to keep ourselves clean shaven and only males can because they have that personal knowledge and as that young boy along that route we learn it from from older boys and male siblings.

A boy is best brought up as he is - a male

The other thing is that boy has no need for long trousers, boys like me NEED to kept in shorts ideally short ones to help ensure I am handled for my actual emotional and intellectual development as a immature person over the age of 18 who only has the capacity of a child and needs adults to be my responsible grown ups in charge of me.

I'm a Boy

One girl was called Jean Marie

Another little girl was Felicity

Another little girl was Sally Joy

The other was me, and I'm a boy

My name is Bill and I'm a headcase

They practice making up on my face

Yeah, I feel lucky if I get trousers to wear

Spend evenings taking hairpins from my hair

[Chorus]

I'm a boy, I'm a boy

But my ma won't admit it

I'm a boy, I'm a boy

But if I say I am I get it

Put your frock on, Jean Marie

Plait your hair, Felicity

Paint your nails, little Sally Joy

Put this wig on, little Boy

[Chorus]

I wanna play cricket on the green

Ride my bike across the street

Cut myself and see my blood

Wanna come home all covered in mud

While I understand and have worn dresses occasionally in the past, there is a difference between that of denying or as the lyrics of this great song by Who suggesting being forced to be a girl never mind a girlie girl and having your sex denied for their own ends typically a mother that wants only girls.

My gut feelings are very much from the protagonists angle, I just wanna do a lot of boyish things even if there are some feminine things I like doing and I know if I do wear a kilt I know  what I am: A boy who is happy to wear a kilt and NEVER to wear a girls skirt or dress.

In that way I'm all boy.

Raising an issue

Back in the day there was one organization that in effect I wasn't given the chance to join  because of the closed attitudes of my parents that continues to niggle at me and that was I was never afford the chance to join the Scouting movement unlike most of my peers because they didn't think Scouting could provide the assistance I might need although I was getting along in mainstream activities like games and that in Junior school even if boys did fasten my football boot laces for me and that.

Because they didn't think it could lead to a mindset that regarded even asking for as an imposition although I am sure many a cub scout leader of that era would of found a way of doing it informally even say 'buddying up' with another boy rather than paid adult assistants.

The consequences for me were increased isolation socially from the activities of my schoolboy peers, the development of feelings on my part I could never do what regular non-disabled boys could and the lack of direction in channeling my innate boyhood in a useful and maturing way by real mentoring by adult males.

That discounts the practical skills I could of learnt which all added to the deficit of 'life skills' I left school with and very low esteem.

I'd honestly love to have the chance to re do this properly cos while it would be hard for me I think it would do me the world of good.

"This is what you need"

When you aren't as able as most, you are more dependent on other people for things or completing them which isn't just an irritant that can cause you to lash out in frustration in itself but also a cause of tension between you.
What isn't said I think needs to be is inevitably it does alter the relating dynamic by virtue they have what you need and can't do that they can use as lever and equally you may feel you have leverage because they're your means getting something done so it is easy to form an abusive relating pattern.
But it's not just that it's also how that person slots into the role helping you realize the idea you had that can become a point of contention too.
Speaking as a person whose always been disabled, our normal expectation is in discussing it with someone, they work with us to do it the way we wish unless that's not possible in which instance we'd them to talk though other suggestions reaching agreement on the way forward.
What can happen though is the person runs with what they feel is what you need, taking control not just of the help but also of the very idea itself imposing their ideas in place of yours  then threatening to walk off leaving with an uncompleted job if you even question such attitude as the one looking for help.
It's as if at that point you just became invisible no longer permitted to have any say about some things in your lives and that easily leads to tensions that others soon pick up on.
I think if you spot this early on you need to bring this up as it can easily cause issues.