The languages of apology I can be taught

As a reader of this blog, you will have realized I'm by no means  perfect having gotten into situations that I shouldn't and a good part of what it is about is helping me change those habits of a lifetime in part by the establishment of clear rules for me to learn to live more by.

 

The other side to this is teaching me what to to put things right in real time so I assume appropriate responsibility for my own actions where in the past I've ever shrugged my shoulders or attempted to play a card - usually a disability card to exempt myself from the standards expected of others.

It helps when people hold me to account so I am as responsible as I am actually capable of disabilities aside so I learn to conform to your standards and expectations.

Disability and discipline

There is one subject that I'd like to talk about on this blog which I do have views on.

 

While I feel good arguments can be made for punishing people for things they could do but didn't especially if they had severe consequences for others, I do feel it is wrong to punish somebody for something that they had little or no control over such as stammering, being unable to write neatly, forgetting things because of memory problems and so on.

This was something I did see occasionally in school but quite often in the workplace after I had left education where it was just presumed everybody there had no disabilities and from that there were no excuses period for not being able to do or struggling with a task.

What as individual you needed was either support in performing the  task or or some extra tuition to master a task on a one to one basis which was something I had to fight tooth and nail for even at the risk of alienating some colleagues who though this help for me was somehow a threat or  unfairness to them.

Not  work reviews that seemed to be every other week sapping your confidence or any chastisement that if we'd of just refused to do right would of been justified and disability shouldn't prevent you for getting it.

Attitude in the home to be worked on

I'm thinking about something that's so off of the radar with me I'm like thinking "just why is this?" but in a way that underscore one of big problems in my life which is actually I'm not really being responsible for it.

Perhaps that's with being away this weekend, having to chip in a bit doing things, tidying up as you see it at a friends.

This is something had been changing a fair bit the years but at least a part of the problem is that other people seem so reluctant to move out of  doing something they see as their role not least with my folks feeling in some ways guilty for the disabilities I have.

It's easy to find excuses for excusing me but outside of you doing things that actually most people are expected to the other side of this  that it encourages me to feel other people should just do this for me too.

Perhaps this is a better idea:
Chores
Own area
Making own bed
Getting clothes out for the next day
Hanging up

own clothes neatly after wearing/washing
Making sure worn clothes are available for washing
Keeping own spaces tidy
Helping in the home 
Fixing own breakfast
Setting tables with cutlery, mats, glasses and cold refreshing drink
Clearing away and washing up afterward
Tidying away in other spaces after you
Helping with vacuuming
Feeding pets

New Year reaffirmation

Seeing this is the start of New Year one might begin the second post of the New Year looking at resolutions which we have talked about at various sites, not just the more usual things around positions, material things and pay for those that are employed but more around the things we find difficulty with and in a less overtly religious way, our moral and behavioural traits not just in how they leave us but especially the impact on others of when get it wrong.

The following is the emotional age appropriate standard for me as a child/adult hybrid expressed in a way I can understand easier

Now that isn't too tall an order for us get to grips with so keeping to it is I feel one of the most important things this year for me to do.

There are lots of stresses and strains so perhaps you might too?

On relationships and life

Relationships not least family ones have  played a negative part in my upbringing from distancing, not willing to get close to me or to encourage me to get closer, being more overly affectionate as well as a sense of suspicions between family members that just corroded any meaningful sense of trust and security I ever had.

Living in a world where you always watched your back, where telephone conversations were bugged, people lurked behind doors listening in  and mail read took its toll on me even to the point I was writing or drawing stuff about it in my teens on correspondence and never kept a formal diary in case it was read which it would.

What I long for as an adult little boy is the simple love and affection of a forever mother and father figure who will help me feel loved, wanted and secure so I can grow.
Is that too much to ask?

On relationships and life

This wet week would of been a time I'd of been away so I have been thinking a little about what I get from that not least in the light of conversations at ASB and also my own forum.

Relationships not least family ones have  played a negative part in my upbringing from distancing, not willing to get close to me or to encourage me to get closer, being more overly affectionate as well as a sense of suspicious  between family members that just corroded any meaningful sense of trust and security I ever had.

Living in a world where you always watched your back, where telephone conversations were bugged, people lurked behind doors listening in  and mail read took its toll on me even to the point I was writing or drawing stuff about it in my teens on correspondence and never kept a formal diary in case it was read which it would.

That's one of differences now cos I do but it's more online journalling it may be such as with my main blog an account of a day out or interests related or more about my moods and emotions cos it helps me understanding them and helps to have some record I can refer to.

One of the things that has altered for me now is how it is I am expected to co-operate and behave with other people and that's been a thing that's talked about here so when I was away I was expected to help with things such as setting the table, washing up and generally helping out.

I am also expected now to help in the kitchen with making whatever we are going to eat even if some tasks may be done for me because I am expected to use my abilities to contribute whatever my disabilities may prevent.

If I do something wrong that I know I shouldn't like trying to cut things on the top of the sink where I'd either mark it or risk injuring myself which I did, then I was spanked there and then for it to ensure I learn from it which I was

What I longed for as an adult little boy is the simple love and affection of a forever mother and father figure who will help me feel loved, wanted and secure so I can grow.
Was that too much to ask?

Equally I have needed the space to deal with other episodes such as being being touched up by men in public spaces, frozen over, and effectively mute for so long over its effects on me.  

I think after thinking over how things have of been with time spent with one who does looks after me the answer has to be no because they are actively engaged in making me grow, feeling secure but at same time prepared to discipline me.

It was and is what I truly needed.

New term at the dorm

There's nothing quite like an impromptu stone wall perch while out as you reflect, taking the viewing on your achievements that day and the beauty that is all around you.
As well it's Autumn although parts of the summer months are still with us and the school soccer season is upon us.
Part of this whole thing in my life is to do with a combination of trauma and how through having developmental disabilities too, is a kind of a therapy for me where I am treated more by the level of my real life attainments and development rather than just by pure age.
Rather than having me in settings I cannot cope with in a very stressful state, I am instead placed in the setting that matches the level of development I am in and am in effect protected from those adult situations I lack the ability to exercise control.
This doesn't shouldn't surprise either of us because when I was going through a nervous breakdown in an adult role of considerable responsibility, the person above me openly admitted to having to shield me until we were the point it was obvious I had to leave.
I have consented to be treated more like the ten year old emotionally and developmentally child I am wrapped in a chronologically aged body with the restrictions and rules that go with it because that better aids my real world recovery.
Part of it involves being dressed more akin to that child so not only do I feel calm from acting from the real me but also by being dressed as that ten year old boy, I better reflect how I am and am less likely to be treated beyond my limitations and more juvenile way.

On character

All I know is that was and felt like me.