Making Babysteps to recovery

To make a real recovery you need to go back to the point things started to go adrift and for me it was really around about thirteen.

In the ideal world I'd of been in middle school, who would of understood for my increasing sophistication when it came to interests fundamentally I was more a advanced junior rather than an mini adult.

You might understand sex appeal but you're not thinking along sexual lines in the way those over fourteen often are having the same sorts of needs as say a ten or eleven year old.

Heck I was still playing very much in the manner of one even as my peers where I lived moved on, still having adventures with action man and playing with my lego sets.

I was still very much tactile and  given to emotions.

Just acting older and blocking out my real needs such as play, reading more junior fiction and having adventures did me no good.

Ungrowing and being more a mature Boy really is of more use to someone like me.

A boys adventure playground

I know here!

This so could easily of been us as kids not least it was in our County and our part of it too which I will say and like all us up here love for the mixture of small towns, villages and the large built up urban core of it because it has everything from parks, museums, libraries and lots of open countryside to explore on two wheels on on foot with some of the most stunning landscapes one could imagine and  I might add steam trains too both here in the north and also at Chasetown in the south

Going through the narrow footpaths and rights of way exploring the countryside having fun, we looked great in our short shorts like the boys we were.

Little boys play soccer

A boy is I feel more than any one presentation and an adult little boy, the male age regressed version just the same because if he was anything like those boys I grew up with he was sporty and not just academic.
We played mainly association football aka Soccer both as an improvised on spare grass or even a quiet street kickabout making goals from coats piled up in our regular play clothes to wearing a actual football strip although ours was not an era hung up on expensive replica strips that is an issue for bio-kids and their parents today.
We were a strip because we saw ourselves at that point having a game more by the rules and although it wasn't our word for it in a way we were going about things in a more professional way.
The other way was a organized match which was certainly the case at school as every boy who could just about walk played as it was the Autumn/Winter team sport for boys or if you played 'lads and dads' on Sundays after Saturday team soccer which as the name suggested was run by grown ups for us to play, learn more about our game and have fun. 
It wasn't unknown for us to wear our strips even if we were not playing.

Helping when I struggle

Although a good number of posts this year have of necessity dealt with I am being disciplined, it would be a big mistake to thing that was all my age regressed side is about or even all that happens in my relationships with people.

As a little/middle with my disabilities, I have a huge need to be reassured which involves carrying reassuring items about with me so you might see me about clutching a teddy or dolly going from room to room.

As well, although I love playing, I can struggle to start playing with you cos I cannot get the right words out to say I want to play with you instead just freezing over so you may need to help me with this, creating a space you encourage me to fill so I do what I love doing and it's better for all of us.

That's what being me involves.

L is for little

After last months entry I saw this and feel it's time to be more open about certain things.

I AM a little, I AM bratty at times that's cos I'm needing someone else to direct me. I DO dress and  speak in a more childlike manner although for me some of this has medical reasons and DO find this dynamic  comforting although for me there's nothing sexual going on.

A return to the headspace of the one I had at this age is so much better for me.

When you do more things like this as that age regressed boy.