Forumitus or The stuff on a Mods mind

There were a few things on my mind last week that I do happen to feel like talking about  and one of them is the difference between boys that may have a more feminine side that they feel the need to express and  sissies.

The first thing to say is that "sissy" is not in any way at all a gender and really is more of a submissive trope that often involves humiliation of a sexual kind  where on the one hand they are told they are not a male  but then told they are inferior to and must be dominated by alpha females.

Such humiliation may be verbal, physical or mental and has no place with LGTQI community as  a gender. To be blunt it is a kink.

That is the #1 reason we will NEVER allow such content and promoters of at the forum.

There are people who while feeling that their gender is male to the point they would not be looking at transitioning as female who may like to either do things usually associated more with feminine interests or to wear skirted attire.

I'm less than convinced that unless you personally have felt that need you yourself would get it but just being able to is all they are looking for, no changes in pronouns, just being able to the whole person as they feel it.

Those people have little if anything to do the first set and if they were growing up from the fifties to the nineties most likely would of experienced name calling including from people who should know better such as teachers and felt threatened at times.

Because you may not understand something doesn't make it okay to be dismissive of a person with it.

I have time for them and if at any point felt that way I would too.

The other point is I do lack time for people only seem to last a few weeks, get into a conflict, leave and then return undercover hiding as someone else especially when they have broken forum rules.

Some people seem to be unable to see that "truth will out" as people identify posting style, past expressions and titbits of information as one person got found out at two very different sites this week.

People do notice these things and I can't help but remark on the futility of that. 

Any wish to return really ought to be discussed with site crew and if of necessity it involves a need to make a new account that should be disclosed so people know who they are engaging with.

Playing the part

We wouldn't normally talk music on here and it is rare on the other blogs but when looking at this whole like a schoolboy thing especially presentationally, the persona of Angus Young of the Hard Rock band AC/DC was certainly one the first public instances of seeing an adult dressed as a schoolboy.

It did not escape my attentions as a fourteen year old who clearly had some age dysphoric traits even then that at least some "men" did dress as the kind of schoolboy I preferred to be dressed as even if may of been seen as an outlandish stunt and a nod to teenage rebellion in the punk era to which they were for a period associated with before "Heavy Metal" as a scene that was written up in Sounds and the N.M.E magazines we bought with concerts and a pub circuit that served patrons was a thing.

AC/DC's music to me was more blues boogie in influence even if the lyrics played up to the mindset of  adolescent boys than anything else not least with tracks like Whole Lotta Rosie. 

His existence encouraged me to reclaim part of what it meant to be the kind of schoolboy I was on the inside fighting the mini adult versions others were pushing and over time made it easier to get bigger fitting school uniforms as tribute bands and fans alike bought the look.

It also has hasn't dented Australian Boys liking for wearing shorts based school uniforms which is the kind of comment some make when some of us talk about our liking of it for our own reasons as if we'd uncool it out of existence.

Thanks a bunch Angus!

Families

Some days things just come crashing to you,  a bit of the past that jolts you as if a meteor struck you as you were just walking along the pavement.

It was really about some thoughts that I had with my second best friend at high school at the time, she faced a lot of physical challenges in her life but she had hours of time to try to understand me and we were chatting would of been early 1982 about tv and what we saw mattered to us.

You know, the kind of totally random teen stuff that actually in hindsight was really pretty significant for how I saw and felt.

Let me explain. On commercial tv there was a long running American tv show about family life across the decades called The Waltons that featured this extended family sharing lifes ups and down together in rural Virginia, and the head of the family John Walton Snr, operated a lumber mill and supplemented their income with a small-scale farming. They took in people and shared a lot as a family united, attending church on Sundays.

That's probably was much as I need to say for the purposes of this entry as I'm not writing a essay on the series or anything as it's what's in more modern parlance a "Slice of life" series seeing the family grow and change over time in accordance with events such as the Great Depression, WW2, the Great Society and Civil Rights  era and so on.

The thing Linda and I were discussing was Family: what it means to be in a family, our involvement or interaction if you like with with Mum and Dad, your immediate siblings, cousins, aunts and uncles. The extent it is a 'unit' and all that.

We were also comparing and contrasting our own relationships  with our families to what we had been watching.

In a lot of ways she saw many parallels  between that of how she cared for them as much as they had to do quite a lot for her and the fictional family we saw.

I once said half joking to Denise one breaktime If it was like mine, then everybody would be off doing totally their own thing, with Mum trying to hold the thing together and me behind a chair on the edge of a nervous breakdown.

That may sound kinda melodramatic but there was and still is the lack of bonds between everybody, no real sense of feeling for one another, for me it wasn't a place of safety with one sibling who'd think nothing of verbally and financially abusing me which wasn't really helped by my being able to spot in seconds any outright lies he was telling to get more for himself as he felt hard done to and obliged to report it.

That's before you bring in Dad who'd explode at the slightest thing, throwing stuff across the room, propelling me in a chair into corners like trash, threatening to burn down the house.

You see, that's the big comparison  between what family was like for her and for me and to open about this really hurt.

This whole experience left a big legacy with me, not least a very strong feeling of longing, almost desperation to loved and cared for.

What I wanted so much was physical and emotional intimacy, a feeling beyond mere words of what it means to 'belong', to be bonded and have bonds that outlast their very beginnings, that provide emotional comfort promoting personal confidence and development.

A relationship that would teach me what I needed to know to get by with people, to be able contribute to it, helping me to stand on my own two feet as a grounded individual within the wider unit.

A wider unit that shared a common purpose, the raising of and looking after that family that was prepared discipline me in a loving, structured, affectionate way so fulfilled my role and expectations within it and our wider community.

I wanted to be...in the Waltons family.

Things that come together eventually III

I wrote a couple of entries last year talking a bit about how in a number of ways I am finding myself acting and being more of my emotional age not least with how the current Pandemic is affecting  life in a lot of ways.

This also covered the extent to which in the wider community I was being seen more as child as I go by more how I am and feel rather than roles that aren't really me.

There are certain images concerning how you would see yourself I have spoken about because in time they've become a muse for boy who remains so, an inspiration for where I'd be now. 

I am a product of very much the seventies and early eighties as I was somewhat reminded of watching a rerun of the 1980's episode of Back In Time For School series and the previous episode covering the 1970's when it comes to the cultural influences and attitudes.

My still a child self is highly informed by that spilling over to how as that child I associate how I dress as to being my age.

We've looked a bit at uniform on here not as much as the other blogs admittedly and really he is more like boys of my era dressed like not least wearing much shorter shorts than boys today so for school.

One issue with short trousers today are most cheaper pairs have no lining at all which we were used to and that those that do today do use for some reason or other black which wasn't what were had.

It happened that a limited run was organized by a certain retailer of otherwise regular David Luke proper grey short trousers as worn still in a number of schools such as combined infant/juniors or prep schools but with white lining.

A new pair more like those I wore then was what I wanted.

This cropped picture shows the approximate length having being trimmed from seven inch  to three inch of this classic shorts with a zip fastening that I was more used to and the fastening tabs although they are elasticated at the back

This is the full length lining that for my pair has been restitched after alteration.

Boys of my era stepped into our short trousers seeing the white lining, not quite the classic white but off white polyester/cotton lining before tucking our shirts in, fastening and zipping our flies up.

I was rather taken by a boy in that show who remarked upon not being sure about showing so much leg in his very brief P.E. shorts in a bit about school games but that was the thing, we did show more of our legs, it was very much boyish.

The authentic ten year old Chris was used to and expects to wear short short trousers not mid thigh never mind just above the knee that expose more of his legs and thighs.

The best short trousers for me are a new pair as short as those that prep school boy from 1980 wore that have the same sort of lining and that is what I have now.

They are taken up to a highly authentic length so when worn with the rest of my outfit, I look as that boy I remain and feel.

They just feel fantastic on me!

A cute loving caring boy

Jellycats are something I've been into for really rather a long time, collecting plushies, being so so cute and adorable as things that are just so kawaii do appeal to me although there's little denying I'm a boy.

It's things like that which have been at the core of some of disagreements with people in the past with some saying "You're not a boy" if you like them and others still saying "You're really a girl" if you do and you should become one instead.

To me though my liking of cute things, my very tactile nature and strong emotional feelings are more about a important part of how I see and feel me and nothing to do with what sex I am.

There are many caring, nurturing roles that males do play a vital part in such as careworkers of which I had a few male ones growing up and actually they fact they could talk to me  man to boy was a godsend because you can't easily teach what it means to be a boy to someone as it's something you need to experience and knowing that helps.

So liking cute things and caring are attributes that belong in boyhood and ought to respected as much a the physical and mental resilience. 

How not to respond to a post

 Well I was going to write something pretty different here but seeing a post on the site Fur Affinity by a person who was born according to their birth certificate as male but appeared to be questioning the idea of being different although they had the odd inclination to wear a skirt.

I was going to put a good half hour writing a reply as something else happened that was a person waded straight in with a "come on in, the waters fine" reply as a transsexual taking them right down that line despite clear doubts.

Well I'm going to say straight off that lead to this post which is around how I saw the original post and not as I believe it was misread by a trans activist.

The first thing can hurt but I'll say it anyway which is wearing a skirt or a dress doesn't make you a woman, many women whatever our own likes and dislikes might be about that do just wear jeans, trousers and shorts near enough 95% or more of the time.

The question if you were in any way transgender is more one of do you fit in better with with females because how you relate to yourself and other females that you would sooner be her because you feel you are all the time?

Do you feel a sense of disconnectedness when you see yourself in the mirror between your conception of you, even intense dislike, hate and that body image that you'd trade that for a women's with a lot of surgery to make look from the outside  as if you were born one?

This person said they had a curiosity about wearing a skirt or a dress but felt pretty neutral about their (recorded male) gender having no sense of being at odds with themselves.

Men and boys can and do wear kilts to which some men do prefer the feel and look of over any sort of trousers and so my suggestion might of been to had experimented with wearing a kilt and working on acceptance of what makes you the unique male you were born with first as they had no strong feelings.

There are a small number of men who do part time dressing as a woman for a whole host of reasons but they generally like to 'come back' to being a man and that's not shameful or wrong, just something that fulfils a need without doing something they know would never be them.

Instead they got treated to the "Tell your closet friends to refer to you as female with she/her pronouns, wear skirts and welcome aboard" which really wasn't the best advice at all.

That's the thing that annoys me so much about the activists. It's not defending their right to be themselves and of people who do find after careful consideration they do fit better in the female world, it's more the slightest indication of a variant and wanting to push you down a route that if you read properly what they said they were not looking for.

I may have the odd non stereotypical interest but that doesn't alter my real gender identity and sex. 

Being different

 Rather a rough week here with both the weather and a rather bad head meaning for instances I only got out the once on Sunday and I'm on painkillers and bed rest.

Anyway laying here with a few cartoons playing out on the Milkshake! block on Channel Five I was reflecting a bit on what makes me different to the point a specific reddit is a place I do check in most days for people who share the same sorts of issues as we all try to cope with something nobody prepared us for.

Most of us are broadly familiar with the development cycle of people as even if you didn't touch it in school biology classes, you'll observed different members of your family and how over time they have changed not just in looks but the sorts of things they are interested in and are more able to understand.

For most people it's a fairly linear concept, extensive needs changes to guidance that diminishes as you get older around the same point you are able to take on more responsibility to yourself understanding more of what being a grown up is.

Then suddenly you get a birthday card with a key on it and everybody says you're a young adult now as you're looking at getting a job or going to Uni.

Well it doesn't happen like that for some of us, I got stuck a few years before adolescence in lots of ways and even at that point I was more in tune with the class a year or two below ours struggling to keep up with them.

That gap got bigger and more pronounced as my peers became teens and especially by sixteen plus, just about following the subjects but very out of sync with teenage life simply because I wasn't  a teenager mentally.

People do struggle to actually understand how it is that many of us who often have autism, adhd and other issues are just like that, in many respects children who may have the gifts that come from really understanding some topics very well but many of the vulnerabilities and needs that a child have.

Often we are dismissed for "refusing" to act our age when in reality we haven't elected to not be grown ups we are only acting on our actual feelings, emotions and behaviour that we innately have because we don't have any other.

We struggle when where we are able to find work, much of the conversation not least at things like office parties revolves around adult programming, grown up leisure and  the like so we can't  talk about what we love to play with, the cartoon series we adore and our latest plushies.

And then there those occasions when what you are meaning is utterly over our heads and the times people try to take advantage of it.

None of us is perfect but please do try to understand us and don't condemn what you don't understand.