A cute loving caring boy

Jellycats are something I've been into for really rather a long time, collecting plushies, being so so cute and adorable as things that are just so kawaii do appeal to me although there's little denying I'm a boy.

It's things like that which have been at the core of some of disagreements with people in the past with some saying "You're not a boy" if you like them and others still saying "You're really a girl" if you do and you should become one instead.

To me though my liking of cute things, my very tactile nature and strong emotional feelings are more about a important part of how I see and feel me and nothing to do with what sex I am.

There are many caring, nurturing roles that males do play a vital part in such as careworkers of which I had a few male ones growing up and actually they fact they could talk to me  man to boy was a godsend because you can't easily teach what it means to be a boy to someone as it's something you need to experience and knowing that helps.

So liking cute things and caring are attributes that belong in boyhood and ought to respected as much a the physical and mental resilience. 

The value of being there

As this week gone two irreplaceable public figures who I knew personally have died, it's time to talk about what matters.

It always seemed to me the best moments were the unplanned, unscripted ones where you just gave something a shot for the heck of it, seeing how it might come out not that I'd suggest going out for overnight hiking trip without planning it and making a checklist.

No just things like taking a piece of paper and just getting down an idea in your head whither or not it's a drawing or words or making something using techniques you'd not previously used.

The other thing really is having done it, that feeling of satisfaction and the need we have to share it with people who care about us which might be making that phone call to say you won something or like the boy here, showing Mum his latest and greatest drawing.

I feel that being prepared to take time out of what you were doing and engage with people especially children when they've just achieved something really matters in encouraging them to work on their potential.

Does it matter if the washing up is a smidgen delayed for looking at and talking to him about that drawing, encouraging him in his exploration of art? 

Many have remarked the best way to learn about what's on a boys mind is through talking with him as he does things with you, not formal conversations in the front room.

Time spend with him like that is invaluable and the time these people made for me is time that made differences for the good.

Loss and Boy Pride

If you hadn't noticed there's been a few minor changes on here in part a response to what I was talking about last week and connected to what is coming soon once I'm a hundred percent happy with it.

Watching Jamie Johnson on Thursday before Blue Peter brought a few issues to my mind forward from where they were last left.

The first is the most painful which is to say that when something has happened to you that affects what you can do like for him his football career for me losing the ability to do much with my hands and the accident that caused brain damage when I was fourteen, you grieve for the loss of those things and the impact on your future.

When you are like this you are not in the most balanced place mentally, you do have the incident playing in slow motion in your head as you deal with things like culpability - who really is to blame for this - and how other people react.

Some people for the best of reasons just seem to get too close and personal wanting to "feel your pain" and "fix everything" and it comes over very much as if they're living through you trying to get a merit badge, as if "I care about you" means you interfere and I should just let you.

That's the point he pretty much exploded and to be honest I'd tell you to "____ off " because you have really no idea how I feel and it isn't about how you do.

I'm very much from a more rugged masculine boyhood who'd run a hundred miles in the other direction if you came anywhere near to treating me as a object of sympathy, with lots of fuss and a gazillion "we thought you might be down and we'd to or take you to... "offers being pushed at you.

Like Jamie even if I had worked hard on something all year I could never accept a compensatory medal or award when I hadn't put in the work which is the standard for it.

All I would of wanted was the practical help to enable me to do that so when I got it it was because of my own efforts, because I'd of channelled my energy into standing on my own two feet again and working at it like anyone else.

Look, like him I'm okay with praise if you do something well, capable of handling told by your team you need to change if not. because you're a part of it and you expect to be treated the same way but I've got my Boy Pride and you darn well should respect it.

Although I made my peace with how I am and how that ties into this life that's very much the thing.

Coping and being cared for

The present corona virus pandemic is very worrying but for boys that advice by Mr. Rodgers is really the thing that matters now as it did then.

Men and indeed women are not waiting around while talking up the crisis but instead are doing what is responsible and lending a hand to help, showing real leadership and good morals not ransacking food stores creating more problems for everyone at such a stressful time.

Other things that tie into included going for a long walk to get away from the relentless coverage in the media dressed in grey shorts and socks (covered elsewhere by my walking post) where men spoke with me checking I was okay.

It felt lovely to be cared for by adults of my own gender, man to adult boy who just engaged with me more like their own sons reflecting masculine care for each other.