What I learned over the years

To be honest I've been still mulling over really  the emotional impact of being among people I knew specifically those I knew as either children or adults at school at Mr Cowe's funeral last Tuesday and really what I've learned over all those years.

There are some reflections I do feel the need to talk about about on here one is learning to be grateful for what people freely do for you such as the time seeing I was struggling at one railway station, a couple kindly offered to help carry my luggage and even checked when I got to the end of the stairwell I was all right who I no idea of. I thanked them profusely for caring so much and acting on it.

Then's there is the ability, however difficult I find it with being autistic to go to people I don't know, ask  if I may sit next to them and strike up a conversation about a common person in our lives, which I have got better at.

There's the people who kept an eye on me as I was feeling a little homesick where I stayed away several times, spending time with and the friend who knowing the sort of fiction I like, gave me a cherished book from their collection which they sure didn't have to and to which I didn't expect at all after giving them a action figure I thought they'd love.

You also recall how it was your friends dreamed of being things like racing drivers, football players and train drivers but settled later in life for something more mundane but worthwhile while, you just wanting to be around doing a "Good turn" got the role to do just that, caring for your community.

Then there is a friend of mine who kindly put me up, offering a cooked meal and a lift to the train coming back completely out of the blue, seeing I was on the right platform for my train to come in. Even when I found I simply could not eat the whole of their home made and cooked meal rather than just saying it was very nice-and it was was absolutely lovely- from nowhere I found myself apologizing to them for not finishing my meal clearly feeling contrite.

These acts of kindness really moved me but whereas in the past I'd of blocked out my emotions I thanked them properly for all those things they did not have to do,that I have no right to expect nor demand expressing my gratitude, revealing my sense of being humbled openly.

It also reminded me of the distance I had travelled from that young boy in reception class being cared for both in class and with being played with by older children at breaktimes, trying to make sense of it all to being able to play a big part in the wider community because they cared to help you that over time understand more of what and how this community thing worked and what caring really means.

There was time several years back when I was away with friends that while a few people needed a reminder to tidy up and put their plates in the dishwasher, I did not and indeed that I had was held up as an example for others to follow.

I think the one thing I can take away from this period is while I may still have some distance to go and the potential to relapse, the event did show I had moved on over the years, being responsible and how I'm being helped to change is really helping me.