R.I.P. Mum

Following a period of recent illness  mum died

* Loving wife to Dad

* Loving Mother to three sons including me, Grandmother to many

* Sunday schoolteacher and Mother's Union member

* Parish councillor and campaigner for children's facililties locally.

R.I.P Mum.

A shock the day before

Day was long when this post was concieved but it is easily the most serious, the most worrying one so far in it's brievity I've had to make.

Earlier today as part of check on mothers blood pressure my dad had to find some medication she was to take as it needed to taken before a time before the test so as not invalidate the results only to find it wasn't there and moreover the tablet containers were in something a mess with the wrong thing things in them like loads of painkillers not prescribed and stacks on unused medication that clearly showed she hadn't taken it.

It was not so suprising that she was very unwell the last few  days although we'd other suspicions about why that was with spending long periods tired and a chest infection in the last day and a bit.

Obviously she'd got in muddle with taking medication without realizing it to the point of saying something.

Having spend god knows how many hours actively caring for her it's taken a lot out of me beyond of her wellbeing and the collective shock.

If things seem slow and I'm not about much, that's why.

Play

One thing I find it hard to get my head around is how it is the notion of play, just doing things for the fun of it seems hard for people to accept in adults.

I make no pretence myself of saying "I'm off to play" meaning I will go into a secluded area and play an imaginary game of being a secret agent hiding and then running.

I might spend a good twenty minutes to a half hour playing on a swing but when any "grown up" mentions it is as if they have to wrap such activities in adult terms such as  playing with friends becomes "team bonding" with colleagues.

It's like you're no longer supposed to play even though you feel like it on the inside.

Does anyone else find this puzzling?

The waiting game

I don't know about you but I have found the recent period of cold weather something of a challenge when it comes to getting about with having major issues with balence and a weakness on my left side making walking a bit of a struggle.

Thus the recent snow while quite enjoyable for snowball fights and making snowmen, being so much a reminder of the Winters of my official youth has in this district very much kept me housebound rather than being able to escape to the playground in the mornings for some fun.

This meant being more reliant on things such as reading where I did tackle this spiffing book in all its schoolboy brilliance.

This little collection of Just William Crimbo stories helped keep my spirits up, almost as up as my period shortened short trousers part from playing on the carpet with my toy cars.

Getting along 2023 style

 One of the long running conundrums of the modern era is finding a way that enables both sexes to get along as equals when so many traditional expectations and roles have changed as much much as that may of been necessary and may of entrenched dismissive and discriminationary attitudes.

Individuals which we all are are very much different when it comes to what may interest us, what we may excell in, struggle with and may have differing responsibilities in their lives and at least in the past we tried to create a shorthand to simplify based mainly around peoples gender based identities.

That may of worked for some fitting everything together but for many others it did not and moreover it became a limitation on aspirations suggesting you may not be interested in something just because of your gender and even opportunities as people only made them available to what they thought each gender needed.

Thus girls for a long time could not play football, struggled to get a kickabout in the playground being told they "don't" and boys who were interested in dance struggled to get a break and often faced hostility from men and their own peers even.

At another level we need to find ways of leading, taking responsibility and yet sharing varying aspects of life be it family life or the boardroom that are respectful and allow for full discussion without either dismissive or patronizing attitudes.

Personally I faced some issues for being prepared to play with girls, wishing to include them where a game or activity was something we all shared or for looking out for younger children with in inference that was "girls stuff" where to me that's about caring and caring and being a boy certainly can go together.

The same things sadly can run in adult life, men do not always have to be leaders and because you may be a women doesn't mean you should be expected to just make tea and biscuits at meetings as important as both things can be.

Everybody needs the ability to be free to be themselves, doing what they are best placed for and working constructively.

Reply first...

I've been a bit busy over the course of the week  with various things not least as I slowly recover from this bug I've had but  I had been thinking about how I relate to people.

 I saw this and it seemed to make sense because for a very long time  I've been in effect encourage to listen to reply to a conversation as if I had to have the final say to whatever was said to me no matter who even said it.

I'm not alone in that, I suspect we've all been encouraged to get our Two Pennies Worth in before anyone else did  and yet listening is the essential step you need to take before we can honestly offer good advice or maken an appropriate offer of assistance.

At no point would occur to me that I needed more to understand  what it was I was being asked or told to do as the end in itself.

It's not that I don't think this is just me, I feel it may be a good number of us seem to get this message in rush to answer and be heard but let's be honest, that's not the most important thing by a long shot.

While I don't talk much about New Years Resolutions and all that, perhaps it's time many of looked at this whole topic?

Different Identities

I do feel very strongly there is an extent to which a person does feel that to be in certain respects at least is more of a "minor", a "boy" or "girl" in terms of their interests, the way they are introduced and known as in wider society especially "adults" and even their everyday presentation such as attire, mannerisms and so on.

It is the thing I've been working on for life because in so many respects I have and do not identify as an "adult" except in the narrowest of senses - over 18 - heck I never identified with being a teen either at all and to which in my community we are at the point I go to the local store looking outwardly a boy, talking to people I've know more as that boy. That is normal for me.

Their lives whiles being carried in the same train carriage of life increasingly became different to mine and even to the extent I could authentically join in conversations around such topics as marriage, fatherhood or the many go to social outlets that just failed to interest me such as this district the numerous Working Men's Clubs.

I'd sooner "play" with like minded people to be honest.

You might say that for example you still like comics doesn't mean you are a boy as college age and university students do read them which is true in that yes they do but they  seek out titles for an older audience too or gradulate to Graphic Novels which are very popular amongst that age group.

In terms of the plot though those aimed more at no younger than fourteen years are what I look for as much else goes over my head.

While it is also not uncommon for older children and young adults to watch children's tv shows there they do and are capable of getting more from material that is more aimed for adults in way that again I don't.

I may watch the news, watch a program about science or the environment, such a program would be more a "for the whole family" in terms of language used than say a program made assuming a more adult level of comprehension.

Actually my tv schedule is little different than what I had in my early teens in terms of structure and does still have two programs still in it!

Well when you think about it,  if you don't identify as a Man even if you do as a male, only relating more as Boy to Adults in most social settings then your life will be different  and in the end why shouldn't that be respected as much as other identities in an age very much concerned with such issues?