Straightening things out

One thing that does irritate me at times is the tendency for people to assume people automatically assume a newcomer is fully up to speed with what a group is really all about to the point that with that first enquiry, people are questioning if they are "really" x or y on the basis of language used.

People are both creatures of habit and also of social conditioning so they may answer more on the basis of what they are used to especially if concepts may be fresh to them so to quickly form a judgement as to whither or not they are a "true" something or other to me seems not just unwelcoming but not allowing them the space to grow comfortable expressing themselves and to see for themselves what is is they are.

Sometimes to I feel that with some people more at one with identity politics rather than seeking the understanding of why some of us are different that they become 'gatekeepers'  of their label.

Coming out Age Dysphoric was not easy, nor was just accepting that from the inside I am a child, jettisoning a ton of neuro-typical conditioning and masking so understanding how a person fresh to this or any other condition that questions societies norms  space for their own journey is something I feel matters.

Not just making a snap judgment.

Pigeonholes

Somehow you always seemed more clued up when it came to things not quite normal when you were younger whither or not it was we ourselves at that point were rather like a squirrel hunting for nuts except for us it was more what we 'should' be doing at our age and were were preoccupied with knowing how old people were.

One the face of it, nothing unusual can be seen in this picture and many of us even now could put each child within a band by age but the boy in centre really does stand out.

He is appreciably taller than all his peers and a little more filled out which might lead some in isolation to assume he's an older boy but clearly he can't by judging by his company.

That's the funny thing around development both physically where we know boys grow at different rates and when it comes to their emotional, reasoning and academic abilities and that remains later on in life.

Perhaps it might be better to look more at what things people may like to do when comes to spending time together just keeping chronological age as just how many birthdays you had rather than being so hung up on 'age'?

Some thoughts on me and this blog

Somethings do not remain the same either because they move away from you or you yourself on this road start to move on in your understanding of how this life and the stuff around you talk about changes.

Thus this blog has had a few changes although thanks to changes in the years with bloggers Theme Designer some elements of the graphic design can't be altered without remove much of what does work and much of that reflects the way I see myself.

I dislike with a passion alphabet soups of acronyms and frequent changes of terminology but as I explained last week Age Dysphoric and Age Dysphoria are better descriptors for what I am and what I feel and so a few bits of this blog have been rewritten to use those more accurate terms.

Being so-called "Normal" or at least masking it was heavily pushed by 'professionals', school and at the time embarrassed parents as they were into the Medical Model of Disability seeing me not just physically but developmentally in need of 'fixing' but my true nature always would surface apart from the vulnerabilities of having a child-like outlook in a hands off adult environment never quite seeing what was going on until it was too late.

It dawned on me that actually I could never be "normal" and it was more important to learn to accept me as I was, no longer feeling ashamed of being an 'eternal child' only dealing with anything adult that I could manage for myself, accepting my limits.

Rather than masking in effect that "eternal child" I accepted it working as best I could on being independent as that child of adult legal age and recognizing that societies problems with being who I am are theirs and certainly not mine.

I'd say embrace yourself as you are and work on being the best you you can be.

Sometimes you do encounter people who feel you need to be fixed, advocating programs to eliminate this whole side of you because this difference can cause issues but really that cannot change you and effectively are saying the only cure for other people to intimidating and bullying you  is you to become them.

I personally don't subscribe to the view that any one person is an expert in this life, never mind its leader so take a more allowing an individual to explore for themselves finding what works for how age dysphoria affects them rather than pushing an one size fits all agenda.

Birthdays and why I have age dysphoria

There's a part of me that doesn't care much for 'alphabet soup' initials and labels not least because meanings change over time and you have the whole business of other people forming mythunderstandings about it and pressure not to use it least they get the wrong idea.

This weekend past was my birthday more of which will be on the other blogs but it brings much of this into focus because my birthday is not a birthday of an adult with anything specifically adult in it and for a period did cause me a sense of dysphoria between how I look and present and how people treat me on the basis of chronological age.

That over time has changed as people have been educated in a low key way not to expect to see me as in that way like them, and from that to start to buy or at least enable me to buy the presents of a boy instead because that is how I permanently, am seeing me with them whenever they visit me.

This is nothing (for me) about Dominant/submissive lifestyles such as DD/lb or DM/lb so the past lexicon for me has been "Age Regressor" although it's less a going back to an age with me so much as being already being it.

If the company is accepting and respectful of that difference, not pushing me towards things I'm not into then I'm happy to share spaces and I've used Age regression as a term in absence of anything better which is accepted.

Littles communities often are accepting of us.

This year while I've always been in some form of school uniform even out celebrating my birthday with my folks, I wore the shortest grey shorts I did so I looked just as I did as a nine or ten year old me did and looking in the mirror it looked like a deadringer for that era.

In that era one present was an Action Man.

This year the main present was... the very same action man of the era I had being played with by what in the mirror looked like a ten year old Christopher.

This is part of what is at the root of the terminology debate because in general age regression is used more as the going to better period in a persons life as coping mechanism for stress, trauma and so which is fine and much needed but for a person like me really it is more that my development is 'stunted' even to the point we may no be fully able to function due to developmental disabilities.

Because a person may regress doesn't mean they may experience dysphoria around it but more that for some of us we are children of adult chronological age and we often are judged badly by others on just being as we are. We never really grew up and need a term that respects that.

This adult child is a functional ten year old who wears what he did as a ten year of his era and has the life more of one although the technology of today is different to then and has age dysphoria compared to the baseline of a grown adult of the same chronological age.

My chronological age may be the same as someone elses but we very different and that was why my birthday was so different. Medically and psychologically we need a term for just us.  

Resting but relieved

 

I'm kind of resting this week after going for my vaccination on Saturday early evening as unfortunately there were no slots for my GP practise at the mass vaccination centre locally during the weekdays.

I went in GSS and Grey with blue striped Turn Over Top socks cos I'm me, LB and that's all there is to it.

It was extremely busy although very well organized with loads of people in and a few waiting outside for the almost obligatory hand sanitizing and  taking of your details before you are given your card ready to proceed to the next free vaccination station.

There they check your allergies, if you've had a covid test recently, had a fever and so on before delivering the vaccination into the top of your arm.

Because of the type of vaccine I was given, I had to wait for fifteen minutes in case of any immediate reactions (super rare but can happen) before going home.

You do have a information pack that tells you a lot about the vaccine, known very short term side effects and what to do in the unlikely event experience anything unlisted or running for longer.