Keeping going in the Winter

One thing that I find helpful not just for dealing with stress and also to do with keeping myself healthy is exercising which I have been doing every day now since the autumn with just the odd day lost to the more recent snow which is understandable given how unstable on my feet I am.

Unless it is very cold I normally wear  a t shirt and shorts putting longer socks on in the winter months which was pretty much how school PT was outdoors and in some ways my needs remain the same.

Learning to take responsible and do something I may not feel like has been an achievement for me.

Going back to learn lessons as a Cub

There is little getting away from it but having age dysphoria means not only do you live within the world as boy inside a chronological adult male frame but really the best way to get the growth as a socially confident boy is to put me through programs I missed. 

Making a Cub Scout out of me, taking me outside of my comfort zone, challenging me do what other boys did climbing ropes and trees, hunt and identify things, go exploring learning new skills and live up to standards and values would make sense.

Making me grow, able to look any boy regardless of age in the eye totally at one with each other really should be the goal

The role of this blog

The special edition where we're looking back to  why and what this blog is for and about.
When it comes to blogging, people have many different reasons for doing so which is often connected to the purpose of the actual blog and part of last years activity wasn't just about establishing a adult little boy set of blogs but also about exactly how each one relates to each other.
I would say the main purpose of this blog is is to talk though trends in how I am feeling and how my interactions are going so I get a clearer picture of what is on my mind and the reason behind sharing this is because other people may be going through similar episodes in their lives and the ways in which it is dealt with.
The  final element of this is to help spread awareness of the needs of people like me who all to often fall through the twilight  gap of being legally adult but having many of the characteristics and issues of typically older children which has its upside -even if I could wave a magic wand and fix it, I'm not so sure I'd want to- and its downsides whose parallels are linked by being developmental more child-like.
Just about the easiest thing to do in terms of popularity would be to push a whole correction to endless cycle infraction, lines and a spanking side as believe you me their are lots of people who'd merry live their own fantasies through you totally missing the point which is it is the last resort when reasoning doesn't work and for me and those who look after me there's nothing remotely kinky in this.
We're just trying to work with my attitudes and behaviours to bring about more permanent changes for the better by one to one guidance, modelling for the most part but with the agreed sanctions if I breach our agreed standards of behaviour expected of me rather than looking for an 'excuse' to spank.
When this blog was first envisaged, it was more about a place let off steam, talk through what was on my mind and talk about how my behaviour is dealt with rather than just a weekly run  of incidents and consequences.

Age dysphoria, age regression and age play

Age Regression is when you revert to a younger mindset with its own interests and means of expression that arise from your own past compared to your chronologically  age appropriate ones especially as an adult.

For some people this can be a coping mechanism from trauma or sense in which the current world is 'too much' for them to cope with so moving to one where you are following more a child-like role enjoying play activities while another acting more as a caretaker, guardian or quasi-parent takes on the oversight that most adults most of time assume for themselves, big cared for directly is not uncommon.

This as with me ties very much into not in certain critical respects having developed the adult skills required to handle and assume those roles and responsibilities because while sharing elements of age regression, I am Age Dysphoric.

That means that emotionally, developmentally and in certain other ways there is a mismatch between what is typical of a person of my birth age is and myself and that I am effectively a full time boy of ten in an adult body.

It's less acting a role out as just 'being' that person as it happens and because it can lead to compilations working out that balance between the side of you that needs to be big and that inner  kid where their own 'age' and with it, needs, because that side has its own development

What it is that you do during that period and what it is certainly has been at the centre of some controversy from the very beginning  because it takes us to some very awkward points because for much of place especially online the term used for what you do whilst in that headspace is "Age Play" but it has become linked with other things.

It is undeniably the case that some people have used the presentation as someone younger  as a warm up for adult sexual behaviour but that has always been an act put on by and for that purpose alone and that the sexualization of childhood rightly concerns people. It is beyond argument too such a sexual side to it is kink based with 'sexy "gay" schoolboy' interchangeable as that of Sports jock sexpot as a role that they put on.

Age Regression though is never about this, it is about letting that child side out to play as an actual bio child would in itself but that very word 'play' because of the context it has been used in suggests playing a role, which  it isn't but more acting more in accordance with the regressed adult child you feel at the psychological level.

For someone who is age dysphoric like me it is very much like that but 24/7 365 days a year because it is a permanent part of who we are as children of adult body age.

Think of it more as letting the breaks of adult behaviour inhibitors where instead of trying to act grown up because of social pressure and ridicule for being the adult child you are you 'play' the way that bio-child within feels and if their chronological age was say ten, the kind of life you would a  actual ten your old would playing, reading etc with the social responsibilities that child would too including caretaker roles for another adult to look after situations you need help with in order for you to feel safe.

To do that is literally Age Playing, acting in accordance ones mental and developmental age and with me that's painfully apparent because at no point can I relate with you as in an adult to adult context because mentally I'm never there. I'm always looking at and for you to being the 'adult' and yes look after the adult-child me.

In plain speak I have the need to be parented and a parent authority figure to do so.

Just saying that is profoundly shocking for some people and there are others who simply refuse to accept this isn't a game of "I want a daddy to play with me" rather than doing the tax returns that I could just snap my fingers and leave.

Indeed that was at the core of an unpleasant public ridiculing on one adult spanking related site where I was attacked by someone who could not see this before being banned but that whole experience shook me up because in effect an adult humiliated a child wrapped in an adults body for being themselves.

That's why actually understanding this whole thing matters and why I'm talking about on this blog today.

The how and why issue

It's the beginning of a New Year  that follows on from the last so naturally I'll be in the course of the year writing about how I'm feeling and how my behaviour is shaping up but it's a good start to the year to consider what a important part of my regressed life is about.

It's to match my developmental needs to a way of training me to do more for myself, to learn and apply societal norms as much as they may need to consider and sometimes adjust to better accommodate those things I cannot alter.

This involves being given one on one guidance and tuition on everyday life skills so learn how to do performance tasks and from then on assume greater responsibility for meeting them and where it involves working with people accepting and working with their oversight with them having the final say.

Because of my tendency to be lost in the moment oblivious to risks, to have difficulty in crossing busy roads safely and communication based issues I accept other people have to assume certain responsibilities in caring roles with me.

Part of that is as the adult-child being cared for involves the use of spanking to deliver clear consequences where agreed breaches of attitudes and behaviours occur.

Within that relationship the following general rules apply to the carer in looking after me

1. Give Affection at Least at a Rate of 10 to 1. 
As the adult-child I have emotional needs such as to feel loved, wanted and cared for and to feel that from you as much as need you to spank me sometimes.

2. Never Spank a Adult-Child in Public. 
The act of disciplining is a private one between you and me that needs no extra public humiliation adding even if some of our friends know I am and I'm okay with that.

3. Never Use Excess Force.
The spanking I need needs itself to be proportional to what I have done, sufficient to deter me from that offence that I knew would bring it.

4. All Spanking Offenses Must Be Made Known in Advance, Carved in Stone, and Fully Understood.
It's important to know which of  those things that I do will result in a spanking, that there is consistency in your handling them and I have shown I understand the consequences of my actions.

If the going is tough, make eye contact with me. Say "Listen to me" "If you do x, I will spank you" and once it is clear I have understood that if I still do, then do it for me.

5. Be Truthful and Consistent, It Could Save a Life.
A relationship where you care and from that discipline me needs me to feel I can trust you and you will treat me in a fair consistent manner because those actions my keep me from dangers I am unaware of be they life threatening or likely to result in injury.