Getting along 2023 style

 One of the long running conundrums of the modern era is finding a way that enables both sexes to get along as equals when so many traditional expectations and roles have changed as much much as that may of been necessary and may of entrenched dismissive and discriminationary attitudes.

Individuals which we all are are very much different when it comes to what may interest us, what we may excell in, struggle with and may have differing responsibilities in their lives and at least in the past we tried to create a shorthand to simplify based mainly around peoples gender based identities.

That may of worked for some fitting everything together but for many others it did not and moreover it became a limitation on aspirations suggesting you may not be interested in something just because of your gender and even opportunities as people only made them available to what they thought each gender needed.

Thus girls for a long time could not play football, struggled to get a kickabout in the playground being told they "don't" and boys who were interested in dance struggled to get a break and often faced hostility from men and their own peers even.

At another level we need to find ways of leading, taking responsibility and yet sharing varying aspects of life be it family life or the boardroom that are respectful and allow for full discussion without either dismissive or patronizing attitudes.

Personally I faced some issues for being prepared to play with girls, wishing to include them where a game or activity was something we all shared or for looking out for younger children with in inference that was "girls stuff" where to me that's about caring and caring and being a boy certainly can go together.

The same things sadly can run in adult life, men do not always have to be leaders and because you may be a women doesn't mean you should be expected to just make tea and biscuits at meetings as important as both things can be.

Everybody needs the ability to be free to be themselves, doing what they are best placed for and working constructively.

Reply first...

I've been a bit busy over the course of the week  with various things not least as I slowly recover from this bug I've had but  I had been thinking about how I relate to people.

 I saw this and it seemed to make sense because for a very long time  I've been in effect encourage to listen to reply to a conversation as if I had to have the final say to whatever was said to me no matter who even said it.

I'm not alone in that, I suspect we've all been encouraged to get our Two Pennies Worth in before anyone else did  and yet listening is the essential step you need to take before we can honestly offer good advice or maken an appropriate offer of assistance.

At no point would occur to me that I needed more to understand  what it was I was being asked or told to do as the end in itself.

It's not that I don't think this is just me, I feel it may be a good number of us seem to get this message in rush to answer and be heard but let's be honest, that's not the most important thing by a long shot.

While I don't talk much about New Years Resolutions and all that, perhaps it's time many of looked at this whole topic?

Different Identities

I do feel very strongly there is an extent to which a person does feel that to be in certain respects at least is more of a "minor", a "boy" or "girl" in terms of their interests, the way they are introduced and known as in wider society especially "adults" and even their everyday presentation such as attire, mannerisms and so on.

It is the thing I've been working on for life because in so many respects I have and do not identify as an "adult" except in the narrowest of senses - over 18 - heck I never identified with being a teen either at all and to which in my community we are at the point I go to the local store looking outwardly a boy, talking to people I've know more as that boy. That is normal for me.

Their lives whiles being carried in the same train carriage of life increasingly became different to mine and even to the extent I could authentically join in conversations around such topics as marriage, fatherhood or the many go to social outlets that just failed to interest me such as this district the numerous Working Men's Clubs.

I'd sooner "play" with like minded people to be honest.

You might say that for example you still like comics doesn't mean you are a boy as college age and university students do read them which is true in that yes they do but they  seek out titles for an older audience too or gradulate to Graphic Novels which are very popular amongst that age group.

In terms of the plot though those aimed more at no younger than fourteen years are what I look for as much else goes over my head.

While it is also not uncommon for older children and young adults to watch children's tv shows there they do and are capable of getting more from material that is more aimed for adults in way that again I don't.

I may watch the news, watch a program about science or the environment, such a program would be more a "for the whole family" in terms of language used than say a program made assuming a more adult level of comprehension.

Actually my tv schedule is little different than what I had in my early teens in terms of structure and does still have two programs still in it!

Well when you think about it,  if you don't identify as a Man even if you do as a male, only relating more as Boy to Adults in most social settings then your life will be different  and in the end why shouldn't that be respected as much as other identities in an age very much concerned with such issues?

Review 2022

 Twenty-Twenty two had like the preceeding years its challenges of which one, considerable industrial action by a variety people was to cause issues such as delayed playthings, anxiety inducing logistical nightmares as train services were curtailed even if planned, difficulty in weekend travel as no train drivers were rostered so services were cancelled at short notice and so on.

Like a lot of people I had this Covid that doesn't test positive too and indeed are suffering from it as I type being unwell for days  at a time which does lead me to say, please wear your masks if you're in busy crowded spaces as it seems to spread just like the others.

On the otherhand I did have a great time with friends at a halloween party, making things, running around in competitions hunting for things and a great fireworks party which is really part of the stuff I loved as a boy.

I did get out about here enjoying the fresh air and countryside dressed in short short trousers with temperatures down to four degrees in my dufflecoat and bobble hat which was very much how school winters always felt to me.

Our forum stayed busy with fresh people arriving and conversations aound all sorts of boyhood related topics and interests which was why it was set up - to be free by one basic rule - to discuss the whole including things as boys that  can't happen on more "adult" orientated sites.

Monday was a great day over at my parents for Christmas, clad in grey with blue stripped school uniform, sat crossed legged on the floor playing as my younger brother and spouse arrive, just looking like a schoolboy.

Openess like that to our families and the wider community is something we all can struggle with, for some having to agree to some restrictions but for just being the boy you are it's so worth it.

A pause in the conversation for Christmas

 

Things with the weather are at least improving in some ways, trading extreme cold the likes of which I don't recall ever experiencing for more rain and strong winds here which is kind of progress I guess.

Some of the postal backlog is being got through even if bits remain unaccounted for which as well given the things you may of been expecting at christmas.

Talking of which we will be pausing here as there'sa lot of activity with card and present swapping, things to be sorted and a bit of tidying up lest we have visitors drop in.

With that I'll wish everyone a Happy Christmas and all the best for 2023.

Holding hands

It may seem old but one of the most comforting things for me is holding hands. I like how you feel directly connected to me, how you're gonna care for me with all that freely given love.

It makes me feel loved and critically alive.

I suspect the England squad and their manager could well be needing that after Saturday's crashing out of the World Cup at the hands of France aided by a referee who seemed to ignore blatant fouls and was by common consent really out of his depth for such a important competition.

I felt in the main they performed well, perhaps a bit more engagement in the first half might of helped but you have to remember France is the Worlds current best side with Mbappé an exceptional player and in some respects we were unfortunate to face them in the quarter finals first

Reflective post

Here we go, making a bit of a milestone post on this blog which in some ways is the "oddball" blog of the stable that's been around since mid 2017 when things were very much different  than they are now never mind how things were just two years ago for all of us.

We might as well start somewhere and say this blog is for people who do identify as boys at least mainly as distinct from men even if, like many of us you have to do a bit of "adulting" in the workplace, compromising within adult relationships to make things work.

If you look at that, see yourself in him and see you as very much him now, you certainly belong here even if you might wear a skirt or dress the odd time because for all that you see yourself as that boy.

This blog talks though various things - its why Boys Talk is in the title - whither it's to do with play, how we may present, various issues in life and a bit to do with interests from boyhood.

It's the conversations we'd have walking back from school, in the locker room, making our way to scouts  or the local library, boy to boy.

Sometimes it's light hearted in nature, sometimes it's about finding your boyish spot in a adult world, sometimes it gets serious cos sadly somethings are in a form less likely to go than places like Tumblr or on Tapatalk or allowing a bit more frank expression than they do.

We should pause just after next weeks edition cos I need to to play my part in making family Crimbo with my family - yes doing what they tell me! - as that boy and things get busy her in the week and a bit before the day.

Here's to the next batch of issues!