Growth

It has been an odd week here with the end for now perhaps of one forum for boys like me and with the 24 hour blood pressure test I've had since my current medical side came to the doctors in the last three weeks.
It's kind of weird going around with something that beeps and squeezes your arm at preset intervals

In all this I am growing in my deeper sense in what it means to feel deeply connected to my  own masculinity, to love my male body and neigh be proud of being a boy who has walked away from the world of girls and women and to stand alone as a boy in his tribe of fellow boys as an equal in the World of Men and manhood supported to show his metal as a Real Boy.

The Ten life lessons that should be taught to the teenage male

1. Cultivate the three pillars of life
The three pillars of life—in order—are: body, mind, and social.

2. Small things will seem important while important things go under the radar

3. Screw your dreams, go for opportunities

4. Start developing useful skills now

5. Get off electronic screens

6. You can become a man whenever you choose to live as one

7. It’s time to start taking full responsibility

8. Learn to manage money

9. Go against the current

10. If you’re going through hell, keep going

Prayer for a Little Boy

The words from this have been an inspiration during this last week in recovering so I think this deserves to be placed where it belongs - here - on the blog about how I feel.

A recovering boy

This week was not a good week for me to be honest because I had been away the week before and had returned with a fair number of bites from midges, horseflies and indeed tics from being on grass and also going for a couple of walks.
I had a large rash on one arm from a number of bites, a couple of bites on the other plus a series on both legs and ankle area that did not appear to be subsiding.
On Saturday evening while doing some stuff on the computer, I started to feel very hot, struggling to breathe and feeling very sick to the point I had to stop what I was doing in a hurry.
Coming downstairs, I felt my body feeling crushed almost as if I was about to die any second.
It was horrible.
I forced several cup fulls of water down me thinking it may force some air through me and spent a good length of time sat by a bowl feeling sick and after a couple of hours had a paracetamol to lower my temperature before going to bed.
I prayed and prayed to God that I was a good boy, strong and was able to fight anything including this because I have the fight in me to protect and stand up for myself and as a CatBoy I have nine lives that can save me.
By about six o clock in the morning  I felt a bit better and decided I would get medical help the next day and obediently follow their advice and present as the boy in his school shorts too.
I got examined and I am being treated for Lyme Disease having been given penicillin based antibiotics to take for a week so I have to be good and take every single one.
I will need to rest as they make me feel yukky as they fight the infection so I will be in my uniform on the bed reading or listening to music as I recover.

Being away thoughts

 

This was very much the way I always saw me except at my school we didn't have blazers such as his very much the schoolboy in his grey short trousered uniform enjoying the carefree space before more grown up concerns and calls on your time start to kick in.

There's going to be much more of this going on as I will be taken out of my comfort zone to do more challenging things like climbing and exploring on terrain rougher than pavements to toughen me up.

If that wasn't enough I have to wear shorts all the time.

The time when I'd read annuals of comics cover to cover when I was ill and have a stash of the last months comics by my bedside too as they helped me cope with being a poorly disabled but courageous boy.

There will be copies of the Beano to read and no grown up tv.

I never saw the point of adulthood when I didn't feel and couldn't use it and so as I got beyond my mid teens I started to go back to being that short trousered boy.

I believe in me

Sometimes however long it all comes together.

I was so frightened
I almost ran away
I didn't know that I could do
Anything I needed to
And then a bolt of lightning
Hit me on my head
Then I began to see
I just needed to believe in me

Now I, I believe in me
And I, I believe in something more
Than you can understand
Yes, I believe in me

They said I didn't stand a chance
i wouldn't win no way
But I've got news for you
There's nothing I can't do
Ain't no pretending
Ain't no make believe
But I've got to be the one
I gotta do what must be done

I believe in me
Yes, I believe in me - yeah

I don't need no money
I don't need no fame... No
I just need to believe in me
And I know most definitely
Don't need to get wasted
It only holds me down
I just need a will of my own
And the balls to stand alone

The lyrics to the Kiss song "I" from their much maligned "Music from The Elder" album always had a resonance with me and of late certainly during the period of this blogs evolution more so.
In the time since I started this blog and started to spend more time engaging directly with the adult school boy community I have started to  regain my confidence from the last time I had anything to being a school boy and having had gender related issues being able to take my place alongside them as one.
I have learned to stand up for myself in front them as a boy with no ifs, buts or maybes connecting directly to their own boyishness.
I have found the balls to be myself, to assert my masculinity, feeling it running through my body taking a pride in it and my male physique.

Misunderstandings

While I have been following the World Cup seeing Russia and last night Belgium crash out of their Semi Final to France by a goal and had a laugh with Zee Zee as he emulates England Manager Gareth Southgate threatening to done his infamous waistcoat other things are on my mind.

In the last twenty-four hours I have seen three Tumblrs I follow just deactivated by Tumblr without any kind of a warning whatsoever  and in the instance of Ady it was there when I was up at half five this morning but gone by seven.

There can be reasons for Tumblrs going usually with warnings first of which the most common tends to be breaching the copyright of an image holder three times within a month which is connected with U.S. DMCA legislation although it doesn't specifically call for it.

It isn't helped by counter intuitively not messaging the user on site but sending emails it expects you to be looking out for.

The other area is reporting and sometimes yes it is necessary such as for images of child abuse and so on but when Tumblr does next to nothing about adult on adult pornography and innocent blogs that may be about the act of going back in time as if you were a child that may contain fully decent images of actual childhood just go because someone somewhere has got it in their head age regression IS age play, which is "adult" being an extension of bdsm kinks and Tumblr prefers just to react not caring to investigate if it really is It annoys me.

The reason being actual age dysphoria is just being permanently in the  mindset of an actual child playing from your child-like emotions and feelings as they just come out naturally with no element of playing a role which may have a sexual side in (for example a "Baby girl" in a Dominant Daddy/little girl relationship).

Sadly too many in that community feel their is the only one for adults, regard all else as being only for children and treat anyone different as potential perverts and I suspect this is what has happened.

We are adult but child boys living a age dysphoric life that doesn't involve actual minors that's all.

Thoughts from reading and footy

This week I'm talking about a number of this connected broadly around what I've been doing and how that influences what I'm feeling
 I do that reading thing though like most boys I'm a reluctant reader although one that made an impression on me was "The Silver Sword" as well as Rudyard Kipling's "Kim".
That that not so surprising as most of male teachers were more for boys own stories of daring-do with lashings of courage, adventure and determination so given they got us at least reading probably meant they were on the right lines, knowing what appealed to us rather than what some thing we ought to like.
I've just one more chapter to read in Jennings Finds a Clue and that'll be it, having re-read this classic tale of boys making 1+2 into 5 reading things into deductions there's no rational basis for and getting into trouble aided by being economical with the truth which I dare say we're all prone to.
Certainly we had much fun at my school from this and we all laughed at the boy who got caught out with his thoughts getting somewhat carried away with him as much as they did of yours which I think was healthier letting out such errors openly and learning from them together as a group.
I think it's kinda important to take ownership of what you do.
Getting back to this world cup,what a shocker,eh? Fancy Russia beating Spain and Denmark beating Croatia yesterday never mind the response of the Russian Fans which we didn't really expect.
England actually managing to win a penalty shoot out to enter the quarter finals too!!!
This World Cup sure is shaping up into a most unpredictable one as we get into the Quarter finals as we have the following:
Uruguay vs France, Russia vs Croatia with Sweden vs England and Brazil vs Belguim to be played in a few days time although obviously I'll be routing for England here so fingers crossed.
I've had my coloring book out, the one I wrote about coloring in Martians and Dragons this weekend between things and I plan to do some more today as it so hot here, hot enough to play with water pistols getting soaked which is my idea of fun as anything that involves balls and mud.