Annual review 2023

Twenty-Twenty three had like the preceeding years its challenges of which one dominated the year although the background went back to the last month of the previous year when Mum and I became very ill with covid and while I recovered of sorts, she didn't, and that lead to complications with her pre-existing conditions such as COPD which after one return from hospital within the space of a few weeks was to lead to a return and sadly death.

The formalities took time, that didn't aid the grieving process with home being the control centre for making most of arrangements so it was difficult to mentally escape and it times it seemed to crush everything.

At an Easter littles event which I did make a point of getting away to attend for instance, I was very withdrawn and in a daze although by the Summer I did feel better, focusing on other things.

Into that like last year considerable industrial action by a variety people was to cause issues such as delayed playthings, anxiety inducing logistical nightmares as train services were curtailed even if planned, difficulty in weekend travel as no train drivers were rostered so servces were cancelled at short notice and so on.

Like a number of people I had Covid on a few occassions but being helped by being high risk medically and run down  although I did take up the autumn offer of a booster vaccination being out on the day in question in temperatures of around 1.5 degrees c in short trousers which proved a conversation point to various folk I encountered.

On the otherhand I did have a great time with friends at a halloween party, making things, running around in competitions hunting for things and a great fireworks party which is really part of the stuff I loved as a boy.

Despite the odds and a bit of internal politics I did get away in the Summer for a few days in the Lake District where I was able to shake off the sadness of the previous months and enjoy making things and outdoor games in the summer.

I did get out about here enjoying the fresh air and countryside dressed in short short trousers with temperatures down to two degrees in my dufflecoat and bobble hat which was very much how school winters always felt to me.

I wore my blue corduroy short trousers comissioned around October last year but delayed until early this year that I had hoped to wear with Mom as the battle of the Longs did feature that material and seeing me in the sort of shorts I'd sooner of had in the late 70's when I had to fight to wear any might of shown really my idea was one we could both agree on.

Smart hard wearing shorts.

Our forum not only stayed busy but had fresh people arriving and conversations aound all sorts of boyhood related topics and interests which was why it was set up - to be free by one basic rule - to discuss the whole including things as boys that  can't happen on more "adult" orientated sites.

We even talked and explored A.I. as it applied to recreating past scenes as images.

I was very moved by the remarks left in the Christmas Greetings thread this year that expressed just what members got from it and how much it is valued.

Monday wasn't easy for Dad and I, nor in their own ways my brothers and Mom's surviving sisters as Christmas Day always had rituals that she was front and centre of which we had to fill and others that of neccessity had to go but we had a christmas with neighbours visiting.

My neighbours see me openly dressed little all the time, something that especially took hold during lockdown where we were forced to spend time in the immediate area with most working from home seeing each other in the street and those barriers just fell in.

Openess like that to our families and the wider community is something we all can struggle with, for some having to agree to some restrictions but for just being the boy you are it's so worth it.

Pausing from Crimbo

Christmas comes around again and with that comes the rituals we were brought up with such as visits by people such as Aunt's often just dropping in with Christmas cards and presents ahead of the day and last minute dashing to the post box to send cards to people you'd forgotten.

Then there's things like seeing Father Christmas about all over the place and indeed here on his sleigh, the carol concerts that local schools put on that you loved being involved in yourself and that point you feel you really ought to be there.

Above all Christmas is a time for Boys to enjoy that time, look forward to new things andf feel the love and care of the the grown ups around them and for those of us who remain so to enjoy being the eternal boys we are.

*****HAPPY CHRISTMAS FROM BOYS TALK*****

Christmas thoughts of sorts

 We are going full steam ahead into the Christmas period in the week that traditionally schools would begin to close down having had the Christmas parties and dinner which at least at my school was the highlight of the school dinner year when things moved from okay to actually pretty yummy all round.

We'd of also of had our school plays which got more involved as we move up the year groups probably thinking we could do more and wasn't there a budding actor in the cast to whom this might be the spur to get more involved in drama?

Probably, but when we all said Jeremy whose papa was a big wig in the Steel Industry was such a drama queen it wasn't that which was in our minds!

That's the thing about Christmas really, all those memories from the past that spring back to life and yet you're making new ones as with a few spare moments I spoke with Maurice, a family member on Monday a bit about cos obviously this year's going to be a bit different and his late wife which I briefly worked with in 1984 went just before Christmas.

He did tell me about how that Christmas was for him as a father of two children just a few years younger than myself as he made christmas for them as hard going emotionally as it was which helped with thinking around this whole thing.

Conversations recalled

Between times when I'm a bit down after the events of earlier this year thoughts turn to conversations from the past that took one of two forms, the more formal "I'd like to talk to you about..." or the unscripted once that just break out in the moment often doing something everyday.

Sometimes they might of been when we'd of gone to the shops on our own as Dad was otherwise engaged as it were and to be quite truthful we liked those moments away from for the freedom to just do what we felt like often in the main town of the Northern Suburbs here in deepest Stoke on Trent where his mother lived and a good number of Aunts, Uncles and Cousins did having caught the bus.

On other occasions it would be when trying clothes on as in our family it was more normal for you to have your clothes picked for you so they'd be sessions when tape measure would come out, you might try on something from another to check measurements, or nan would knit me a jumper which often was in same colours as my female cousins as they tended to suit my skin tone better.

Among the memorable discussions were post Third Year options for GCE's and the battle over long trousers which just were never me which eventually I did win after a summer of sweltering in sweaty jeans.

In the end she came to realize I was this mixture of boy who could talk about grown up stuff while being at the same time the little boy she knew.