Of updates and stuff

Phew! It's been a warm week here I've been able to leave the coat off for a number of days as I played out for an hour or so each day.
I've been a bit busy working on my Schoolboy Forever Wordpress which is really a kind of fail safe for as and when Tumblr axes my The Traditional Schoolboy 2 tumblr as they axed its original version in November of last year without warning so I imported that into a longstanding Wordpress account.
One aspect is obviously copying over the posts usually images from it on a regular basis to keep this fail safe fairly up to date another has been for being a long form blogging platform, it has enabled my to write a bit about topics related to those images that expand on what is portrayed.
Somehow in the rush to reblog - and tumblr favours reblog over repost with credits - because it is socially felt to be wrong to add commentary to someone post this doesn't happen even though in  at least 90% of cases the original poster didn't hold image rights so it's not that you're passing them off as your own work.
In  a related vein, I've done some similar work with the Scouting related That Traditional Schoolboy 2 reblogging to the Scouting and Me blog on blogger except usually on that I tend to post on the blogger account and then post over to Tumblr.
Really that's an exploration of Scouting and its ethos as it applies in my life rather than just parade after parade of scouting related images as I prefer something that is more personality centred with a message.

Recentring

It's the start of the morning here so I thought I'd  make a bit of a start on this weeks entry working through the various things on my mind.

I think the first thing to say is I feel more vulnerable emotionally today than I have for a good many years between the feelings brought out from the previous week, the never ending inter communal supremely childish discourse on Tumblr around trans politics, having a remove and I'm blocking you attitude for being in the "wrong" community as defined by them order and having our age regression  questioned by an exclusive group of ...age regressors!

Toss in the rumblings of an English FA youth soccer investigation into abuse by a man who lived but 100 yards away from me from whose face I can still recall with a shudder and you get the picture,eh?

I just feel very much in need of a hair rustling and a hug, just to know everything will be okay and in fact I'll just colour and play with my stuffies I think cos that'll help recentre me to a point I feel good rather like the "Restore" point on a Windows computer helps when the software don't work right you restore the operating system to a earlier point where it does!

That for me always was and is where age dysphoria was at rather than anything really adult and why generally things had been running that much better for me over the last few years cos I worked more with what's right for me rather than performing an act of impersonating others and falling badly when the real life developmental issues plowed into reality, leaving me an emotional mess.

In so many ways the way I see my relating pattern is very much that of a boy to man and never as man to man so men invariably become my adult authority figures whatever age might be suggested by my birth certificate with them very much setting the example and guiding me as uncle/father to son and disciplining as adult male to boy which is the natural order of things.

I may not be around some sites as much as had but I think this is really what I need right now and that's why I've gone away this  last week for a few days .

Tension

One contribution to how you are feeling and by extension how you may behave  under its influence is the other things that are going on in your world and an increasing area I find is in the online world.
On social media in particular, groups fragment periodically with the segmented part starting a battle in part to justify to whoever is listening  just why they split off and to blacken the name of the very group not so long ago they were proud to be a member of.
You see people who for medical/disability based reasons unable to withstand endless negative and aggressive discourse actively pouring oil on the fires who fail to see after just saying why the don't like interaction with one group, make accusations often baseless just to enjoy watching the fireworks.
This week last for instance someone triggered an investigation into my main age regression Tumblr that's so safe for work and minor friendly you'd wonder like how someone could feel justified in do so even thoug when looked at by actual people it was restored as it was.
I find this not just troubling from how it has left certain communities feeling just interacting with anyone is just like walking on eggshells but also I find it spills over into me feeling disheartened about being the age regressed person I am and times seeping into feeling on edge with people.
That's one reason sometimes I limit the amount of time I'm on and make a point of doing things more positive like reading an uplifting story instead.

We assume control

After last weeks snow activity as shown on the other blog including gathering up snow in  my hand and throwing snowballs it's all gone for a bit at least and actually I thought I saw a crocus coming up this morning while I was out as it's now a little milder.
I still have a fair amount of work to do on the reacquired  tumblr although I have done some basic stuff like removing no longer needed links and some unneeded posts  when it comes to the back catalogue of posts and resumed as I mean to go on with new ones from this month around the interests and themes I have in mind for it long term.
Ultimately it will take to sort through posts although it's original owner has got their own more or less sorted it's just being a primary you can't just delete it and resume as it takes all blogs on with and in hindsight it would of been better to offered a secondary but what was done is done.
Still it feels great to have it all back.