Bringing up the adult-child boy

There are difference around what sort of personal self discipline a person should have growing up and if a person hasn't then what should happen and while I don't intend to stray into the area of actual children today, I did have one with a good deal of strict rules and what some might see as institutional or even authoritarian  

A scene such as this was common place because we had the responsibility to keep our dorm tidy and were subject to inspection standing to attention and if a boy was found not to have kept his area tidy and made his bed properly then as was the norm then, yes we were spanked for it.

For those of us who are in certain respects very much child-like in our development not having reached maturity but in law adults some of may feel given our difficults to engage with more 'adult' ways of changing our behaviour something of a short sharp shock of a spanking may get our attention and bring about more of a compliance with what we are expected to do than anything else.

As ever on this blog I only talk of and concerning adult but child boys whatever the law may say recording their birth age remain mentally very much a child lacking much of the maturation of even the average teen, who is more dependent on 'grown ups' to organize them.

Such a person in  real life is me who needs a high level of input into doing everyday things such as going out, shopping, following social norms expected in order to develop and maintain friendships.

Because of the sorts of problems I have, I easily get into bad attitudes toward others, not being prepared to fully apply myself to what I'm doing either just involving me or with others so I let others as well as myself down that no amount of trying to talk around breaks. 

When I am like that a way of breaking it involves deliberately using a juvenile approach such as using direct talking and saying I will have a spanking for it because I soon learn to alter my behaviour.

I know since this has come into my life I am shaping up to exercise personal and group responsibility.

Being away Winter 2018

Spending time away is something I do from time to time partly for age regression based reasons and also because I find it necessary to tak a break from those adult things you cannot avoid.
This time I've been struggling to take in the news of a family member involved in my upbring who has alzhemiers and is in full time care and the inadequacy feeling you experience feeling helpless to assist in what is so much a devastating living condition where they cannot recognize anybody including you.
In some ways at least it takes me back to how I was when I was Thirteen around the time my Grandpa died when I was sent around to keep an eye on him although in truth I felt way way out of my depth struggling even then look after myself never mind being expected to make (relatively) mature decisions when neither of us could understand each other but everybody else was going through the charade pretending this was okay.
For me, being away was necessary because I needed to have mental and emotional space to process these thoughts and to do things that made me feel happy and whole again so just being focused more on play being away from the environment where all this hangs around cloud style was a must.
It also helped that those who I entrusted about what was happening were supportive, showing love and concern without smothering me so while being supported I could breathe while sharing and taking turns helped reconnect me as I am very prone to just shutting down when feeling overwhelmed emotionally.
While away I helped complete jigsaws, played outdoor games running around and did some colouring in
In addition I went on longish nature walks,
I found just being away from things, switching off to all other than the natural sounds,sights and smells helped  as we walked and talked.
Something I do want to talk about is how my brain damage effects me, how we do things, the things we do appear on the surface to cope with that leads others to think we don't have the needs we actually do.
This is something I do find a problem not least in trying to shop where staff are trying to upsell to you and make offers that I'm in no position to deal with leaving me in suspended animation and others seeing me struggle asking if you're okay because I haven't just frozen but have gone mute. I'd sooner have an official card I can show so I can treated more like a minor at the counter as my capacity in these situations is very much sub adult and in that respect I need 'protection'.
When I'm away I'm always 'looked after' indeed to use their words "I always treat you more like a child" so apart from the odd verbal reminder I did behave myself and helped out making what I was to eat and doing everyday chores such as setting the table or loading the car ready to go.
The people I stay with are very firm with me around that whole area of having to assume some responsibility and play an active if of necessity limited role which was a bit of culture shock at first but is helping me do a bit more and find some self discipline.
I found the time away did help me think past those issues that were on my mind, finding more joy in more fun child-like things which is in so many ways where I remain ever the adult but child while the walking helped with developing and maintaining better fitness not just physically but also mentally too.

Hugs for boys

Funnily enough, when you get to see this, thanks to the marvel of  scheduling I'll be having a rest with a few friends cos I've had rather a lot on mind of late and that figures into my regression as part coping mechanism when you're actually more adult-child rather than an adult.

I love plushies both playing with them in imaginary play and also as objects I can hug and cry  with whenever I'm feeling distressed as venting my feelings is super important.

Nothing about being a boy removes those feelings because you still are an intelligent emotional being in that skin so we feel hurt and need to be hugged and reassured just the same as girls.

Hugging my teddy matters to me when I'm like this.

A family affair

  
Thursday February 1st was the day in which my Aunts funeral service was held locally and what she meant to me was written on the other blog. I have been walking and looking at her house not that it was comfortable but simply because I know  I'll never be heading to or entering into it as I remembered it and so I need to say a kind of farewell to that part of my life.
My Aunt's eulogy  read out by the Minister of the chapel she grew up in as a girl was really well put together showing how her Methodist upbringing had shaped how she lived her life, a life it has to be said made difficult by severe Asthma and the care and concern she had for others.
To be with her as I was  often in difficult situations in my messy family situations even past eighteen armed with a teddy and children's books feeling misunderstood  and in need of affection one felt this.
Her home, shared at the time with her parents was in so many was a second home, a refuge where my what now would seen as littles age regressed side was a place where they accepted developmentally disabled me as that caring and dealing with that adult but child was vital and from which older members of the community learned to understand and accept me as I am. They bought me simple child-like gifts such as annuals and selection boxes  finding by valuing me what I had to offer them because love is reflected by love. Always.
Among effects I was gifted a grey and white stuffie which is pretty apt given how I am rather than anything really groan up and that it was the first place I could just be this adult-child being accepted by her and her parents without judgment.