Spending time away is something I do from time to time partly for age regression based reasons and also because I find it necessary to tak a break from those adult things you cannot avoid.
This time I've been struggling to take in the news of a family member involved in my upbring who has alzhemiers and is in full time care and the inadequacy feeling you experience feeling helpless to assist in what is so much a devastating living condition where they cannot recognize anybody including you.
In some ways at least it takes me back to how I was when I was Thirteen around the time my Grandpa died when I was sent around to keep an eye on him although in truth I felt way way out of my depth struggling even then look after myself never mind being expected to make (relatively) mature decisions when neither of us could understand each other but everybody else was going through the charade pretending this was okay.
For me, being away was necessary because I needed to have mental and emotional space to process these thoughts and to do things that made me feel happy and whole again so just being focused more on play being away from the environment where all this hangs around cloud style was a must.
It also helped that those who I entrusted about what was happening were supportive, showing love and concern without smothering me so while being supported I could breathe while sharing and taking turns helped reconnect me as I am very prone to just shutting down when feeling overwhelmed emotionally.
While away I helped complete jigsaws, played outdoor games running around and did some colouring in
In addition I went on longish nature walks,
I found just being away from things, switching off to all other than the natural sounds,sights and smells helped as we walked and talked.
Something I do want to talk about is how my brain damage effects me, how we do things, the things we do appear on the surface to cope with that leads others to think we don't have the needs we actually do.
This is something I do find a problem not least in trying to shop where staff are trying to upsell to you and make offers that I'm in no position to deal with leaving me in suspended animation and others seeing me struggle asking if you're okay because I haven't just frozen but have gone mute. I'd sooner have an official card I can show so I can treated more like a minor at the counter as my capacity in these situations is very much sub adult and in that respect I need 'protection'.
When I'm away I'm always 'looked after' indeed to use their words "I always treat you more like a child" so apart from the odd verbal reminder I did behave myself and helped out making what I was to eat and doing everyday chores such as setting the table or loading the car ready to go.
The people I stay with are very firm with me around that whole area of having to assume some responsibility and play an active if of necessity limited role which was a bit of culture shock at first but is helping me do a bit more and find some self discipline.
I found the time away did help me think past those issues that were on my mind, finding more joy in more fun child-like things which is in so many ways where I remain ever the adult but child while the walking helped with developing and maintaining better fitness not just physically but also mentally too.
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