What about US?|

At the moment there is a General Election taking place here in Great Britain but if you were disabled you might well be forgiven for thinking it had anything to do with you at all.

Nobody is actually talking about disabled people, carers and their concerns at all even in things  that do effect us such as education, health care, welfare and transportation which are things we are discriminated in such as 'shared space schemes' that pit blind people against cars getting across roads where tactile paving and crossings are being removed in the belief that by confronting pedestrians against road traffic traffic flows better and that there are less accidents.

That's also no good if like me you have good vision but the inability to see and react to oncoming traffic having no idea of traffic speed and prone to just dashing across regardless, often having near misses.

The vexed question of disability benefits, assessments that are widely regarded as joke and wildly inaccurate and managing the welfare of those of us with long term severe disabilities is again not being talked about but do you know who is?

The Hard Worker. What I'd give to be even darn well able to be him so he can be helped out financially followed by The Pensioner whose pensions went up more than any group of people in society not that I'd begrudge ensuring the old are well cared for, far from it actually.
Then there's carers, the people who look after some of us who may be typically older parents or others who do more than make us a cup of tea and do help us with everyday living supervising and assisting us.

We need a flexible care system to help us be independent within our limitations so we can everyday things like go out to places at regular times even if for some of us social activities may be better organized within groups.

It's all this conversation we're not having because our politicians are ignoring us which is so annoying because we are voters too that annoys me so much.

Being messed about

One thing never denied on any blog post anywhere is that I have a  that good number of disabilities both interact and overlap with each other which can be hard for some who have only one disability be it minor or majorly impact on them to accept as it can be for those who may not have any (at least recognized).

This tends to mean you need to consider the whole when you and as I'm meant to as well consider how to manage  my conditions, what I can do and equally what I may not be.

This sort of scenario usually gets more complicated when other people with their own ideas and agendas  start to come in their ideas around how best to manage you or what it is they think you can manage.

One area is around me and work. I could of said employment but the difference between the two is work is a thing you do either for yourself or for another and employment is when that work is given in exchange for money in the form of wages you are said to be employed.

Not surprisingly as as many of my disabilities came from birth or childhood, I have had a number of stops and starts when it's come to holding down jobs or looking and receiving specialized training and assistance although unfortunately one main condition stemmed from  an industrial injury in work.

For a considerable period officially I had been regarded as so disabled  that even with training and assistance I would not be able to hold a position down in open employment and in this country at least 'sheltered employment' making things for govermnent and business with taxpayers support to provide employment if you couldn't work commercially on the open jobs market has been removed.

As in most social democracies, there have been payments for those of us who this wasn't possible but it was reorganized some years back with the view more people were capable (and ignoring employer side barriers to employment) so after a faff that had one form completed and been sent to a medical where the person isn't medically qualified to judge you leading to examples of people found fit to work who died days later from medical conditions but then realizing literally last minute from my medical records I couldn't be assisted into employment anytime soon, this was accepted.

This week I'm getting another of these accepted as unfit for purpose by experts apart from government Work Capability Assessments filled out and we'll see how this goes.

Strangely enough my conditions are  seen as automatic exemption from retesting but buried in the small print of an announcement made by a Minister, they can't do this until they've updated their computer systems which won't happen to the end of this year at the earliest.

This means they're retesting people who by there own admission shouldn't be because it your conditions cannot change over time.

This hasn't helped me stay calm or do anything positive to my quality of life. I'm just glad my best friend is helping to steady my nerves.

Recapitation

After last weeks pretty emotional post as the footie season continues its run down ready for 2017/18 I'd pick up from where we were.

As I begin this process of moving on from that malaise it isn't all just a question of personal presentation as in your own dress because you are working with how you see you which takes in your effects.

For instance I do read, which I'll touch on at some other point but during that period it altered much of what I read and much of it doesn't do much for me so while sorting the other stuff out I decided to start on removing those books and magazines and replacing them over time by books that reflect me and my life.

I decided to start with getting something that touches on my actual past - a specifically Schoolboys Annual with facts and stories that tie into that boyhood that I did have and enjoy.

It also will serve as a declaration to myself and others of my gender and regressed life.

It is what I am.

Boys own?

One thing I feel is that in general boys do benefit from being educated in an environment where the class is just of boys because the teaching and social education can be better tailored that which boys alone do much better at.

I can recall the difficulties in trying to pick books for a co-ed English Literature class as the class interests divided, very evenly along gender based lines which is why some some schools do have boy or girls only classes for certain subjects

So absorbed in our reading, we fail to notice our mud laden soles probably requiring a spot of chastisement somewhere down the line.

 

Getting to grips with the real you

Having spoken a bit about this whole lack of clear identity steaming from that critical period you might think "but is there a cure for it" especially where people assert there is a cure for people who don't feel they are who they are.

Well I don't think just asserting anything really helps it's not what you know at the intellectual level so much it is the way you see you and I'd be honest if I didn't say I struggle with that because of those negative influences including those in recent past who tried to push me in transgendered direction.

To me to change how I feel I need to actually revisit the past itself looking at what I did then, how I felt about being me doing that and examine if that is any different to any other boy because really that is the question here because it may not be but because I've been under the influence of people who see being male as a bad thing and who look at any variance as proof someone isn't, it may not be the case.

It might well be how I really feel about being male and boy isn't so different when I get talking to others who are as everybody has their own likes and interests which can differ.

Things I can do while I am doing this include stepping away from anything androgynous and returning to wearing boys cut t shirts and wearing high leg short boys shorts pulling them up tight just a couple of inches inside leg and showing the band of my underpants  above the shorts waist.

Wearing what I last felt good as a boy in while working through this should help remove me from what I associate the worst I felt from me plus look more physically male because the first thing I need to do to get better is the hardest and that is to come out as male and nothing less so there is no question of it.

Soapboxes or opening conversations with people don't really work because you can't demand acceptance you can only show and be it and the one step I need to do is be seen as nothing less than a male. This is something only I can do and I have to find the balls to do it.