Thus it’s rare for to have anyone respond meaningfully to what you had posted but one person who I can rely on for doing that is Sammy through which I have gotten to understand more around their feelings around presenting and being a boy.
Sammy had in characteristic directness commented upon a picture that had showed a 'boy’ who appeared to be wearing very much girls jeans he’d somehow managed to squeeze everything into with hardly a quarter inch to spare and to which was in a more girlish pose.
Apart from remarking on how long it must of taken to have done that he also posed the question what the _ happened with boys.
Actually I just love it when he just comes out with emotionally honest responses free from any kind of couching in 'cover all bases to avoid any possible offence even when non intended’ talk. You just get straight to the point.
There are a few things around that I get even if I may come at times from a different direction such as when it’s not only possible to get boy jeans but actually they tend to be sought after by girls for being a better fit and having pockets that actually are deep enough to hold things why would any boy, any kind of a boy, actively chose super tight fitting girls ones?
And having done that pose in a very obviously girlish way too? To me looking at that the extent to which there was a 'code’ to which we slotted being a boy in hasn’t just been broke for a while (and there were issues within it way before) but it has left some boys at least…lost.
Lost is how even from my own background is how I see that picture as if the only way he can see being a cowboy from is that of a more girl trying to be a boy rather than being a boy who is identifying with an actual grown male cowboy. I mean I’d only present that way he did way IF I wanted to BE a girl with all that goes with it.
As alluded to earlier on, I think part of the issue was that 'code’ had its own issues such as not being a complete picture of what being masculine meant so while we heard much about integrity, loyalty, protecting others and athletic prowess which are good things for boys it didn’t cover things such as empathy, recognizing and taking responsibility for your emotions knowing when ask for help and when you can deal with them yourself. It also tended to regard an interest in aesthetics and appearance as 'suspect’ that crossed at times a line into homophobic and other less than 100% gender conforming boys abuse.
Toss in powerful women making the most of equal opportunities taking roles previously held by men and men disappearing from boys lives sometimes literally sometimes just men as food providers and allowance givers rather than being central to the lives focused on the business of raising boys in an hands on way providing guidance then it’s not so surprising some boys lost their way not knowing what being a boy meant, carrying that socially.
That’s something I can relate to and while I’m sure at times you feel your own approach to communicating can seem unappreciated like a voice in the wilderness, actually what you talk about can be of great value because it gets you to think more around what being a boy is actually about.
Going back to that cowboy picture, you reposted another very different image with a terrific commentary yesterday where the boy in question was very much presenting in confident attractive and yes a masculine way. It was reblogged with that intact for a reason, it’s a page both of us have arrived at in considering what a boy can be with a kind of masculinity that’s complete meeting the needs of the whole boy AND without any femininity.
Your passion for the traditional boy nay the 'real boy’ you grew up with, the way in which you show those values have helped in causing me to reassess how the at times troubled understanding of what being that boy is.
Your clear cut support of masculinity and how that is central to making the most of being a boy has encouraged me to move toward being acting more in line with its spirit not by aping you but by looking for and at that which is within me.
That masculinity is one that meets my whole needs and yet be well within and inclusive of that traditional code whose odd issues apart did meet the real needs of real boys with spirit and gumption as well as feelings and a sense of purpose.
“What the _ happened with boys?” Well, by being around and talking about this, you have moved me along a path to one of finding a sense of being and inner happiness from being a masculine boy secure in what he is and feeling valued for the one he is becoming. There is nothing greater you could give this boy but to be his true self.
Maybe more boys need that kind of input and straight talk?
*Originally published on Tumble Aug 23 2018
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